Mugabe's corpse could win next Zimbabwe election, widow-to-be says

Comrade Robert Gabriel Mugabe, Past-Present-and-Future President of the People's Republic of Zimbabwe, turns 93 next week. "Uncle Bob" has ruled Zimbabwe ever since the perfidious British handed the peaceful and prosperous country known as Rhodesia over to the black majority in 1980. He has never been officially declared President For Life, but that's how things have turned out. Now his second wife, Grasping Grace, says his reign will continue, even if (as most Zimbabweans wish) he dies.

Speaking on Thursday at a party rally in a dorp called Buhera, Zimbabwe's First Lady suggested that even if her husband's corpse is put on the ballot paper for elections due in 2018, people would still vote for him. The lovely and fragrant Grace has in the past made numerous controversial suggestions regarding Comrade Bob's 37-year rule, at one point claiming he will rule Zimbabwe from the grave or from a wheelchair, whichever comes first!

Mr Mugabe was one of the ruling Zanu-PF party's biggest strengths, his widow wannabe said. "Our first strength is in President Mugabe. Even if we go anywhere people will respect him," she said, adding even children were aware of his importance. "You hear people accusing me of still wanting to continue as the First Lady of this nation," she went on, "saying that is why I don't want to tell the President to retire. I am not the only one who voted for him. Only a fool will say that. We will field a candidate of a corpse on the ballot if God takes Mugabe and people will vote for him just to show how much the President is loved."

After the thunderous applause from the Zanu-PF supporters (Sid and Doris Moyo) died down, Grace added, "Let's wait for God's time when He decides that Mugabe should stop and then we enter into the race. But one thing you must not forget is that if you don't have Mugabe's support it will be difficult for you."

Walt, who lived in Zimbabwe for some time back in the day, would add that life itself will be difficult for the people of that unfortunate country, no matter who's squatting in the State House bequeathed to the ruler by the evil whites. Mother Africa always wins.