Death watch 2016 and other stuff

It's been a quiet weekend here in Lake Wo... [Hold it right there; that line's been taken. Ed.] [No! Garrison Keillor's line was "It's been a quiet WEEK (etc)."] What I mean to say is that I didn't do much, read much or think much, therefore have not much about which to write. However, I did ruminate [Not on the carpet, I hope! Ed.] about how old everyone is getting, except myself of course.

The cause of my rumination was my discover, in Jeremy Paxman's highly recommendable book On Royalty (Penguin 2006, Public Affairs 2007), that Eliabeth II, Queen of Great Britain, Northern Ireland, yada yada yada, will turn 90 in April. 90! Imagine that! She doesn't look a day over 80, does she. What, I thought, are the odds that she won't live to see her 90th birthday? Pretty long, I should think, given that her mother lived to 101. I expect Prince Charles will have to wait until 2017 at the very earliest.

But there are other octogenarians and nonagenarians who might not make it through 2016. Some bookie in England probably takes bets. Wonder what odds they're giving on the Queen's consort, Phil the Greek (as Private Eye calls him). Probably long odds as well, given Prince Philips damn-them-all outlook on life.

How about Pope Francis? Only in his 80s, but rumoured almost since his election to be in failing health. Perhaps for some Traditional Catholics the wish is father to the thought.

If not the Pope, then how about a President, or, I should say, former President, thinking of poor old Jimmy Carter. He thinks he may be free of cancer, but then he also thinks a little more goodwill will bring peace to the world. He should live so long!

The President almost everyone would like to see them close the lid on would certainly be Comrade Robert Gabriel Mugabe, President for Life of Zimbabwe. For the last couple of years he's been grooming his second wife, Grace, to be his successor. She seems to think she's ready for the job, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's prepared to wait another year. Perhaps she would go so far as to hasten the Old Man's demise. Hey, it's Africa!

Well, that's enough death watch. Let me close by giving out this week's Walt Award for Super-DUH! Headlines. No, it's not "China may be using sea to hide its submarines", rightly ridiculed here on Friday. That beauty was pipped at the post by a late entry from the Globe and Mail. Over a story from Reuters about an entirely predictable disaster in Mumbai, the Groan and Wail ran the headline "Huge fire engulfs venue at ‘Make in India’ event". Not stupid, really, just funny. Congratulations.

If you're not sure why Walt would find that headline and story funny, consider what Prince Philip had to say on the subject of Indian wiring. See "Prince apologises as latest gaffe offends Indians", in the Grauniad, 11/8/99.

Further reading: Jeremy Paxman, mentioned above, is a British journalist, best known for his work presenting BBC's Newsnight and University Challenge, the latter on my must-watch list when I lived in Olde Blighty. He has also written some eminently readable books, including On Royalty, and The English: A Portrait of a People (Penguin 1999). It is, of course, impossible to understand the English, but Mr. Paxman makes a very good attempt to explain the unexplainable.