Hillary Clinton recently addressed a major gathering of the Apache Indian Nation. She spoke for almost an hour about her plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. Though vague in detail, she spoke about her ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers".
Afterwards, the Tribes presented her with a plaque inscribed with her new Native American name, "Walking Eagle", which she proudly accepted. [We regret not being able to find a photo of this momentous occasion. The photo below is unrelated but not irrelevant. Ed.]
Afterwards, a news reporter asked the chief how they came to select this name. He explained that "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full of shit that it can no longer fly.
Walt takes his war bonnet off to Agent 6. Thank you.