Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Headlines to be read twice

Ed. here. "Where's Walt?", I hear you ask. Walt is thinking. The sorry state of American politics -- the race downhill to the presidensity in particular -- has him in a funk. I told him that it would be a good idea to take some time off, so as not to funk up WWW. While we wait for him to regain his composure, we should thank Agent 9 for sending us the following unintentionally funny headlines from the lamestream media -- more evidence that proofreading is a lost art.

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
It took a phone call, and two or three readings by the editor of the newspaper that ran this one, before he realized that what he was reading was impossible! They put in a correction the next day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
That's taking things a bit far, surely!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Good-for-nothing, lazy SOBs!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a trial by adults.

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect.

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Quite probably!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!

Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be onto something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't the first ones fat enough?

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is....
Tornado Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

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