It is well known that the Paranoid States of America is the most litigious nation on earth. And it has the highest number of lawyers per 1000 people. Some correlation there, perhaps. But Canada occupies the better half of North America, and seems to have been infected by the same desire to sue anyone -- especially any company with deep pockets -- over anything. To discourage this sort of thing and protect themselves from consumers, lawyers are advising their corporate clients to put warning labels on just about everything. Here are some of the dumb, with Walt's comments in italics.
1. On the bottom of McCain's Tiramisu dessert: 'Do not turn upside down.'
Well,...duh, a bit late, eh?
2. On Planter's peanuts: 'Warning: contains nuts.'
Talk about a news flash!
3. On Shoppers Drug Mart cough medicine for children: 'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.'
We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those five-year-olds with head colds off those bulldozers.
4. On President`s Choice Bread Pudding: 'Product will be hot after heating.'
And you thought....?
5. On a Sears hairdryer: 'Do not use while sleeping.'
But that's the only time I have to do my hair!
6. On a bag of Fritos: 'You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.'
The shoplifter special?
7. On a bar of Dial soap: 'Directions: Use like regular soap.'
And that would be....?
8. On some Swanson frozen dinners: 'Serving suggestion: Defrost.'
It's just a suggestion.
9. On packaging for a Black & Decker iron: 'Do not iron clothes on body.'
But wouldn't this save time?
10. On Nytol Sleep Aid: 'Warning: May cause drowsiness.'
And I'm taking this because....?
11. On most brands of Christmas lights: 'For indoor or outdoor use only.'
As opposed to what?
12. On a Japanese food processor: 'Not to be used for the other use.'
Somebody out there help me on this. I'm curious.
13. On a Westjet packet of nuts: 'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.'
14. On a child's Superman costume: 'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.'
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.
15. On a chainsaw: 'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.'
Really??!! Is a lot of this happening somewhere?
Thanks to our newest agent, 29, who writes from the other side of the world. But we know what you are, EH!