VIDEO: Climate alarmists WRONG; Dilbert RIGHT

I see the COP30 summit in Belém, Brazil has already degenereated into bickering and brawls between the eco-wienies, climate alarmists and the indigenous people who think the whole leftie schmooze-fest is a waste of money which should be going to help them.

For those who were saying "Wut?", COP30 is the 30th annual United Nations climate change conference. About 50,000 people, including diplomats and "climate experts" from more than 190 countries (but somehow excluding Greta Thunberg) started beating their gums on Monday about the climate "crisis" and its "devastating impacts", including the rising frequency of extreme weather.

The hosts have a packed agenda, with 145 meetings planned to discuss the green fuel transition and global warming as well as the failure [Did they really use that word? Ed.] to implement past promises. 

Andre Correa do Lago, president of this year's conference, emphasised that negotiators engage in "mutirao", a Brazilian word derived from an Indigenous word that refers to a group uniting to work on a shared task. In a statement published on Sunday, he wrote, "Either we decide to change by choice, together, or we will be imposed change by tragedy. We can change. But we must do it together."

Apparently the indigenous people aren't on the same page. Last night, tussles erupted between protesters and security guards -- COP30 cops  -- when a group of indigenous and non-indigenous people (Pretendians?) stormed the conference centre in Belém. Several dozen men and women, some in brightly coloured feather headdress, ran through the entrance, pushing at least one door off its hinges, before striding through the metal detectors. 

At least one non-indigenous man was carrying a banner that read "Our forests are not for sale!" Others wore T-shirts saying "Juntos" (= Together).They waved banners and chanted until being forcibly removed. 

It is not yet clear who was responsible for the intrusion, but at least one observer was impressed. "At last, something has happened here," said Juan Carlos Monterrey-Gómez, a Panamanian climate negotiator.

Also unclear is whether Sr Monterrey-Gómez or any of the other dips and "experts" have read "Three tough truths about climate", by none other than Bill Gates, published on October 28th. The subhead: "What I want everyone at COP30 to know". And here's the lede:

"There’s a doomsday view of climate change that goes like this: In a few decades, cataclysmic climate change will decimate civilization. The evidence is all around us—just look at all the heat waves and storms caused by rising global temperatures. Nothing matters more than limiting the rise in temperature. 

"Fortunately for all of us, this view is wrong. [!!!]  Although climate change will have serious consequences—particularly for people in the poorest countries—it will not lead to humanity’s demise. People will be able to live and thrive in most places on Earth for the foreseeable future. 

"Emissions projections have gone down, and with the right policies and investments, innovation will allow us to drive emissions down much further. Unfortunately, the doomsday outlook is causing much of the climate community to focus too much on near-term emissions goals, and it’s diverting resources from the most effective things we should be doing to improve life in a warming world."

Cazart!!! Did Bill Gates, the man who now only foresaw the future but created it, really say there's no need for climate alarm?  Perhaps he finally got around to reading The Dilbert Future, by Scott Adams (Harperbusiness, 1997)? Here's a slightly edited excerpt from the first chapter.

"Whenever humans notice a bad trend, they try to change it. The prediction of doom causes people to do things differently and avoid the doom. Any doom that can be predicted won't happen.

"Example: The world's population will grow faster than the food supply, and we'll all starve to death. Human response: Scientists realized you can call just about anything a "meat patty".

"Example: Petroleum reserves will be depleted in twenty years. Human response: Scientists discovered oil in their own hair.

"Example: Communism will spread to the rest of the world. Human response: All Communists became ballerinas and defected."

The point is that none of those predictions came true once we started worrying about them. That's the way it always works.

Those who think Scott Adams need not be taken seriously because he's "just a cartoonist" trying to make some money (not subtitle on the cover) should check out this video "'Fact Checking' The Dilbert Future after 25 years", recorded a little over three years ago by Dr Jon Padfield. He looks at 10 of the 65 predictions Scott Adams made in 1997, and finds that of the 10 predictions, 7 had already come true and 3 were on track to come true.

If Greta Thunberg tells me the world is going to burn to a crisp sometime soon, and Scott Adams tells me it's not, I think I'm on solid ground to believe Mr Adams. And I'll have a good laugh as he explains.

Mr Adams' super-popular Dilbert comic strip got cancelled by the lickspittle media in February of 2023 after he made comments on YouTube calling Black Americans [sic] "a hate group" and urging white Americans [no "sic"' to "get the hell away" from them. Mr Adams said he expected that to happen.

Fortunately for people who think, Scott Adams is still on YouTube. If you are retired or unemployed or have very long coffee breaks, you can enjoy Real Coffee with Scott Adams every day. Walt recommends his podcast highly, especially for days when it seems like our society is going down the tubes. No, Mr Adams says, not yet!

It's not just simple "confusion"

It's not that they're confused. It's just that they've adopted (and expect all of so adopt) "Newspeak".

For those readers unfamiliar with the term, George Orwell coined that word for his dystopian novel 1984.  "Newspeak" is the fictional language of Oceania, a totalitarian superstate. To meet the ideological requirements of Ingsoc (English Socialism) in Oceania, the Party created Newspeak, which is a controlled language of simplified grammar and limited vocabulary designed to limit a person's ability for critical thinking. 

Newspeak thus limits the person's ability to articulate and communicate abstract concepts, such as personal identity, self-expression, and free will, which are "thoughtcrimes" (a Newspeak word), acts of personal independence that contradict the ideological orthodoxy of the Party. 

Mr Orwell wrote 1984 in 1943. By the real1984, Newspeak was well established as the language of liberal "democracy". The use of the phrase "mostly peaceful demonstrations" by the liberal commentariat to characterize race (and other) riots is a classic example of how the lickspittle media substitute their "truth" for reality to make the masses believe that "black" is "white", and truly white.

Canada's "new" WEF-backed Prime Minister

Walt was in Canada over the weekend for the coronation of Mark Canada as successor to Blackie McBlackface as leader of the Liberal Party of Canada, and therefore as Prime Minister of Canada. 

That's the way the parliamentary system works. If you lead the government party, you're the Prime Minister, regardless of the fact that you've never been elected to anything. A safe seat in the House of Commons can be opened up for you later. Worked (twice!) for William Lyon Mackenzie King, who "loved his mother like anything / kept her tied up with a piece of string" (very old skipping rhyme).

The Canadian Broadcorping Castration, the state-owned broadcaster, wasted nearly three hours of listeners' (Sid & Doris Bonkers, of Dildo NL) time with a series of talking heads trying unsuccessfully to create an air of suspense, followed by a 45-minute history of Canada recited by former Prime Minister Jean Chrétien, who was there for most of it. 

Then the final result of the leadership "contest" was announced. Mr Carney garnered a mere 85% of the votes cast by the party faithful. He promised to do better next time, his goal being to get 99%, as they do in socialist democracies. It wasn't a surprise. Everyone knew that the former Governor of the Bank of Canada and Bank of England (successively) had the puck nailed to his stick by his friends in the global elite.

Mr Carney then attempted to deliver a "fighting speech", without revealing when the fight would start. His oration, part of which was delivered in halting French, consisted of platitudes and hockey metaphors -- "Elbows up!" -- but was devoid of any substance, such as a plan to get Canada out of the trade war.

There was no indication that Mr Carney intends to do anything other than stay the course with the globalist-environmentalist agenda outlined in his (?) book, Value(s) [sic], published in 2021, which has been praised by liberal, one-world eco-wienies across Canada and the European Disunion. One of them is seen here driving Mr Carney (in an EV, no doubt) to a meeting of the rulers of the New World Order.

One contrarian is terrified, not thrilled, by Mr Carney's agenda for Canada. That would be Dr Jordan Peterson, who, the day before the coronation, wrote "Mark Carney doesn't value a prosperous Canada", National Post, 8/3/25. Subtitle: "This would-be planetary saviour has no respect for free markets." It's a long article, worth reading in its entirety, but these excerpts will give you the gist of it. Dr Peterson's words are in purple, and those of Mr Carney (quotes from his book) are in bright Democrat blue. Any emphasis is Walt's.

It is most definitely the case — and this is a fundamental conservative or even classic liberal conviction — that free societies and markets operate within a broader framework of values. In the West, for better or worse (and certainly for comparative better) that framework is Judeo-Christian, religious and cultural in its essence — a framework that has established the principles of "self-evidence" referred to so famously by the authors and signatories of the American Declaration of Independence.

These include the propositions that all people have intrinsic worth, made as they are in the image of God; that each person owes all others the due that such worth necessitates, including the responsibility to trade in goods, ideas, cooperation and competition, honestly and fairly, and with an eye to mutual success; and that all of us, our leaders included (and perhaps first and foremost) must pay obeisance to what is truly transcendent and divine.

This is the framework that Carney purports to replace, even though it is not clear that he understands this, or that he has developed any understanding whatsoever of the culture he wants to reshape from first principles.

What are his suggestions, regarding such replacement? This is where the rubber hits the road or, more accurately, where the train flies off the track ... Carney betrays his alliance with the worst particularized ideas of the last twenty or thirty years, and the even worse generally radical intellectual presumptions of the last century.

“Our goal has been to put in place the information, tools and markets so that every financial decision takes climate change into account — to create a financial system in which a company’s contributions to climate change and climate solution are fundamental determinants of its value. So that value reflects values. 

"At COP26 in Glasgow, we delivered twenty-four major reforms to transform the information, tools and markets at the heart of finance. These include climate stress testing, net-zero transition plans and clear, comparable and decision-useful climate disclosure so that financial markets can manage risks and seize opportunities in the climate transition."

The consortium has stated that there "must be an average 28 per cent reduction in the number of flights across C40 cities." How might that be enforced? No more flights for the ordinary person (an overstatement: the C40 nature-worshippers will allow the peasants one short-haul flight every three years). They also mention "reducing and eventually nearly eliminating the need for car ownership." 

Ever wonder where the electricity for your soon-to-be mandatory electric car will come from, given the woeful inadequacy in that regard of the current grid, and the impossibility of rectifying that, before gasoline and diesel-powered vehicles are banned? No matter! There is no reason to presume, as you have so far, that you are entitled to a vehicle of your very own. Problem solved! 

And even if you are one of the fortunate few with a car — serious limitations will be imposed on the number of miles your peasant hide is allowed to travel, with equally serious restraints on velocity and road access.

Make no mistake about it, people. Those who promise, like Carney, to save the planet, while waving evidence of its forthcoming demise over your heads like the sword of Damocles, will use the purported seriousness of the crisis to rule over every conceivable aspect of your life — for the moral reasons of “value” that cannot be properly computed, in Carney’s estimation, by the flawed free market system. 

 A radical decrease in the availability of meat and dairy — preferably a complete turn to a plant and even perhaps insect-based diet, as mused by the WEF. Three new articles of clothing a year, maximum.

There is virtually no bad idea recently promoted by the top-down globalists (as alluded to earlier) that Carney has not championed — worse; not merely championed, as an acolyte or ally, as in the case of the hapless narcissist he is attempting to replace, our very own Justin Trudeau.

Trudeau was little more than a globalist shill, shiny and attractive though he may have been. Carney is no such mean thing; no mere WEF infiltrator. He is instead a veritable globalist author, master-planner and leader, as he says (insists upon) himself:

Value(s) is, in truth, one of the shallowest books I have ever read, and I have read many, both shallow and deep. It contains no original ideas whatsoever, while the ideas it does contain, however few in number they may admittedly be, are literally the worst that have been formulated by the worst of thinkers in the last few generations; even in the last century or two.

Mark Carney has failed, therefore — and dismally; spectacularly — in his attempts as a thinker, as well as an international leader. His practical multinational ventures have been recently revealed as the empty vessels they most truly are. 

In closing, a warning to Canadians, hoodwinked into believing that Carney’s much-vaunted international experience makes him capable; makes him someone able, even less convincingly, to stand up to our erratic American compatriots to the south. Mark Carney, formerly of the Bank of England, has the patina of foreign-bestowed competence. In truth, however, he is a man with all the flaws of Trudeau, and that’s saying something. 

However, in his admitted networking, managerial and administrative prowess he presents far more danger. Our hapless previous Dear Leader was at least hamstrung in his pretension by his incompetence. Carney is as addled in his values as his predecessor, but much more efficient and unwavering in his implementation.

If you don’t want Canada to be a self-immolating martyr-state, subject to the whims of an economic order increasingly dominated by the coal-burning titans of India, China and the rest of the BRICS; if you don’t want your every move and every decision evaluated by the top-down tyrants of the new global order — then you bloody well better think twice about who you are going to vote for when push comes to shove for Canadians in the next six months. 

Whatever Canada’s values might be, they best not be the shibboleths of false virtue, intellectual pretension, and well-camouflaged oh-so-virtuous totalizing tyranny put forth by the newly coronated dear leader of the appalling Liberal party.

Greta Thunberg, TIME's person of the year

Saw this really vicious meme today and have to pass it along. [Notice Walt didn't say "share"! Ed.]

It's true that the BLMers and envirowienies don't get along very well. I love it when the lefties fight amongst themselves.

Note to censors: I really don't know where this came from. It was posted by an Indian (turban, not feathers) on a social media site, and forwarded by an anonymous reader.

VIDEO: "Climate change": the TRUE story of the greenscam HOAX

Here it is, folks, the film that lifts the lid on the climate alarm, and the dark forces behind the "climate consensus". Watch this (running time 1:19:53) and learn how an eccentric environmental scare grew into a powerful global industry.

Spoiler aleret: There is no consensus. The science of climate is not settled. There are lots of skeptics who are now being labelled as "deniers". 

In this powerful video Written and directed by Martin Durkin. Produced by Tom Nelson, these eminent scientists debunk the hoax that is being perpetrated by the liberal "progressive" elites and their lickspittle media each and every day.

 

Trivia: The music at about 9 minutes (where the dynosaurs appear!) is from Modest Mussorgsky's "Night on the Bare Mountain".

Thanks once again to Agent 6 for passing this along.

Saint Greta has spoken!

VIDEO: Is wind power really the way to a clean, green future?

The "progressives", including the recently arrested Saint Greta Thunberg, keep telling us that to rid the world of all the pollution caused by oil and gas, and save the world from burning up, we must convert to "green power", aka renewable resources, NOW.

Solar power and wind power are just what we need (they keep saying) because they're clean, efficient, non-polluting, and above all safe. Is eco-wienie putting up a forest of wind turbines in your back 40? What could possibly go wrong? Check out this video taken recently in Adair County, Iowa.

   

The video, from Des Moines TV station KCCI, shows smoke billowing from the wind turbine, and a giant blade crashing to the ground in flames. Emergency crews could only watch as they didn't have ladders tall enough to reach the top of the turbine. 

Authorities said they were investigating the cause of the fire. I'm waiting for Hellery Clinton to blame those deplorable MAGA terrorists.

Footnote: That black stuff dripping down the pole looks to me like molten plastic. Plastic?! Are the blades and other fittings made of PLASTIC?! Don't the greenies know that plastic is made of, errr, oil?

The peaceful protest the liberals don't want you to know about

Ed. here. It's been hot here. Walt has been sleeping it off asleep in the shade of the old apple tree, and I hesitated to rouse him from his torpor, but this space must be filled, so I locked him in the shed until he produced... this....

I am a country boy at heart. I grew up in a farming community, and after decades of wandering am now settled in a region which still has many working farms. The mayor of the city and county of Fort Mudge seems determined to see all the farmland paved over, but hey, that's progress... right?! I don't know where they think our food will come from, but I do know I'm not the first to say that.

I have great sympathy, then, for the 1000s of Dutch farmers who for the last couple of weeks have been mounting a peacful protest -- really, not being sarcastic -- at the plans of the oh-so-green Dutch government to fight the climate change "crisis" by reducing the country's agricultural output by a third. This will mean slaughtering large numbers of dairy cattle, since, besides milk, they produce enormous quantities of methane, nitrous oxide, ammonia and other greenhouse gases.

So,  inspired perhaps by this spring's Freedom Convoy in Canada, the good boers of Holland are clogging up the roads and highways with their tractors, and occasionally dumping the contents of their manure spreaders in front of public buildings.

"How dairy you!" Geddit? Right back at ya, Greta Thunberg, the patron saint of eco-alarmism, whose apocalyptic rantings and warped ideology have caused the Netherlands parliament to adopt a Green New Deal even more destructive and insane than those being inflicted on North Americans by Crazy Joe and Blackie McBlackface.

You probably haven't heard or read much about the Dutch farmers' protests, because the lickspittle media doesn't like to give any publicity to any pushback agsinst the ideologies of the liberal elites. I'm talking about the kind of sentiment encapsulated in a recent statement by Just In Trudeau's acolyte, Chrystia Freeland, that the spike in gas prices is good because it makes us focus on the need to switch to electric vehicles!

In "These farmers are fighting for us all", posted on Spiked Online yesterday, Brendan O'Neill wrote that although the Dutch farmers' protest had received some coverage outside of the Netherlands, the reports are running "below the fold" (as editors say), because "This is a people’s revolt against eco-tyranny, against the modern elite’s determination to slash 'harmful' emissions with little regard for the consequences such action will have for working people and poor people. 

"To the formers of elite consensus opinion, for whom environmentalism is tantamount to a religion, the sight of pesky little people rebelling against green diktats is too much to bear. So they either demonize these dissenters, as is happening in the Netherlands, or they ignore them in the hope they will go away, as is happening outside the Netherlands."

The slogan pictured, translated, reads: Out farmers, our future. Walt sez, three cheers and a tiger for the good boers of the Netherlands. Honk honk!

VIDEO: New for Christmas! Greta on the Shelf

This Christmas, get the doll that will shame and terrify your children about the climate… 

 

Yes, it's from Babylon Bee, your trusted source for fake news! So don't expect to find one of these at your local Walmart. But I'm sure they have lots of other woke toys you can get for your kids... or yourself!

VIDEOS: For those who didn't watch the Michael Matt video... yet...

 

Whatever can it all mean?!

But wait (as Vince Offer used to say), there's more! Here's a new video from Not the Bee about "that clown-show climate summit that just happened."

VIDEO: Michael Matt calls Biden the Democrats' kiss of political death

"This is fun!", Michael Matt, editor of The Remnant newspaper, returns to YouTube (!) just in time to celebrate "The Great Reject" -- the response of ordinary Americans, the real people, to President Brandon's left-liberal policies and politics. "The lunatics of Davos," he says, "have clearly become a political liability for a whole host of small-minded Democratic politicians...whose political future has now become understandly more important to them than the globalist ideology these whack-jobs -- Gates, Soros, Schwab and the rest of these nutters!" 

In this latest episode of "The Underground" from Remnant TV,  Mr Matt analyses this week's big wins for pro-life, pro-God, and pro-American politicians. Will Tuesday's rejection of the Democrats and their extreme liberal ideologies carry over into the 2022 mid-term elections? Michael is cautiously optimistic.

But wait (as Vince Offer used to say), there's more! What (Mr Matt asks) do Elon Musk, Bill Maher, and Greta Thunberg have in common? They’re all fed-up Leftist influencers, who are obviously not going to go down with the USS Biden. Are the wheels coming off The Great Reset even before liftoff?

Meanwhile, inside the Vatican, the situation goes from Woke to Weird. On October 28th, the Cardinals responsible for promoting Christian unity called on bishops to "listen to non-Catholic Christians" during the latest synod, which some have already dubbed "Vatican III". 

Some of Mr Matt's critics are asking why he doesn't just leave the Catholic Church and join the Orthodox or the Protestants (!). Mr Matt answers them in this video. Every minute is well worth watching!

Look out! Global COOLING is coming!

The late unlamented Climate Barbie, the no-longer-relevant Mark Carney, Saint Greta Thunberg and Al Gore [who he? Ed.] have been telling us for years now that the world is in imminent danger of burning to a crisp, if not today, then tomorrow. 

They say that "global warming" is all the fault of us "peoplekind". If we'd only buy Teslas and use solar/wind power to heating/cool our houses and workspaces, ecological disaster could be averted (they say), if only for a little while. And we have to kill all our cattle, too, because their farts are a major part of the greenhouse gases which are trapping heat and setting off wildfires yada yada yada. 

Où sont les neiges d'antan? I don't entirely dismiss the notion of climate change. I haven't suffered through many winters yet like that of 1963, shown in the picture. Of course I live farther south now. But my car and I are smaller now, so even if there's less snow, the effect is still the same. 

For me, there's little difference between winters then and winters now. If the world warms up and there's less snow, that will be fine with me. But it might get colder again. Global warming and global cooling has been the cycle of nature ever since God created this planet Earth.

My corner of the forest was once covered in ice. Before that, it was under a vast inland sea. And before the sea, or maybe after (who knows?) there were tropical forests in which roamed prehistoric reptiles and mammals, just like in Jurassic Park.

I don't believe there's going to be any spectacular, catastropic climate change any time soon... if ever! Wildfires may be ranging in the west, but just yesterday I heard on the rangdidio that, here, this July is the coolest in ten years. [The wettest too! Ed.] So depending on where you live, in all kind of evens out. "Global warming" (or cooling) is a sweeping overgeneralization.

Who knows? The weather might well take a turn for the colder. We might once again see a return to "real old-fashioned winter", like that shown in this snap which I took in 1978. 

That's not just my opinion, but that of climate scientist Dr. Willie Soon. According to Breitbart News, Dr Soon thinks we should pay closer attention to the sun's activity, which suggests several decades of global cooling rather than warming. 

Dr Soon, a Malaysian astrophysicist and aerospace engineer, told Alex Newman of the New American, that "what we predict is that the next 20-30 years will be cold. It will be cold, so it will be a very interesting thing for the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change [the United Nations body for assessing the science related to climate change] to confront.

"The sun is in a 'weakened state'," says the good doctor "and far less active than during the 1980s and 1990s." This weakened state, he said, should last "until around 2050. The whole climate system is powered 99.1 percent by the sun’s energy."

Therefore, Dr Soon concludes, global cooling is a far greater source of concern than global warming. "We will have a lot more problems were the planet to cool rather than warm." Humanity [not "peoplekind"? Ed.] can solve a lot of problems including overheating, but the problems of a "little ice age" like that of the 1700s are much harder to solve," he said. "If you want to face a serious problem, worry about an ice age; never worry about global warming!"

How's the weather today?

Scraped from Blazing Cat Fur

UPDATED: VIDEO: Saint Greta visits an Aussi pub

Walt welcomes a new agent, assigned No. 35, and thanks her for alerting us to the existence of this short (2:08) video of the Chief Climate Alarmist, Greta Thunberg, addressing the crowd (Barry Mackenzie?) at the Armatree Hotel in Armatree (duh), New South Wales, Australia. Warning: Saint Greta may not have actually been speaking at the time and place suggested!



More recently, the precocious teen has been in Davos, Switzerland, for the annual gabfest of the big swinging dicks in finance and economics. She has been repeating the same old rant about how they (the dicks) are not doing enough to save the world from destruction. (Michael Moore said this week we've only got four years left!) In response, US Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin suggested that Ms Thunberg isn't the best person to give advice on economic issues related to climate change -- at least not until she goes to college.

At a presser at the World Economic Forum, Mr Mnuchin criticized the latter-day Henny Penny for calling on all and sundry to divest immediately from fossil fuels. Asked how such restrictions would affect the American economic model, Mr Mnuchin responded, "Is she the chief economist or who is she? I’m confused.... After she goes and studies economics in college she can come back and explain that to us."

UPDATE ADDED 24/1/20: The Rebel has just released "Greta Thunberg Incorporated: The Exposé". Click here to see it. Among other things, you'll see the school Greta is supposed "on strike" from -- a school for children with special needs.

Bablyon Bee reacts to Saint Greta "Person of the Year"

Ed. here. I don't think you people (Hello, Don Cherry!) know how hard it is for me to refrain from reposting the bogus articles that the Babylon Bee runs regularly. BB is one of the funniest, and most trenchant (look it up!) blogs extant. Here, unabridged and unedited, is their take on Time magazine's naming of climate alarmist Greta Thunberg as its "Person of the Year".

Poll Finds Most People Would Rather Be Annihilated By Giant Tidal Wave Than
Continue To Be Lectured By Climate Change Activists

A new study found that most people would rather be annihilated by a giant tidal wave caused by climate change than continue to be lectured by climate change activists.

Study participants were given the option of having the earth flooded by massive tidal waves or listening to virtue-signaling, smarmy lectures by environmentalists for the next decade. Over 87% of respondents selected, "Bring on the tidal wave." A few people said they'd rather take the lectures, but after hearing a few minutes of the lectures, quickly changed their minds. Several respondents rushed straight to the ocean, arms outstretched, and asked the sea to take us all.

"Come, sweet death," one man scrawled on the survey response form after hearing just 30 seconds of a Greta Thunberg lecture. "O, sweet release that ends my suffering on this mortal plane! Embrace me in your salty arms, great wave of destiny."

"Honestly, between Greta and the climate change, I'll take the climate change," said one man in Minnesota. "Heck, it's Minnesota, don't ya know. We could use a little warming. But even if it turns out to be catastrophic -- I'll take the tidal wave."

Fires, floods, earthquakes, volcanoes, and bees also polled higher than the activists.

New for the "winter holiday"! Greta on the shelf!

A fun new "Greta on the Shelf" doll will watch you every day and fly back to the UN each night to report your climate sins to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change.

The doll is equipped with eye sensors programmed to detect activities that are harmful to the environment. "Greta sees you when you're sleeping, she knows when you drive your SUV to the store instead of taking public transportation," the manufacturer said. "She knows if you've been bad or carbon-neutral, so be carbon-neutral for goodness' sake!"

One couple in Portland OR proudly displayed their new doll and lectured their children on the true meaning of Christmas: fighting climate change. "We're gonna play a fun game for the holidays this year! Try to be good little carbon-neutral children, or Greta will tell on you!"

"How dare you!" the doll chanted as the kids of the household left the door open while the heater was on. "You have stolen my dreams and my childhood." The doll then blasted off toward UN headquarters using its jet engines to report on the naughty children, who will receive coal in their stocking. They will be snitched on again, however, if they burn the coal for warmth.

Greta is programmed to detect activities including these:
* Leaving the light on when you exit a room
* Leaving the fridge open
* Driving an SUV
* Parents participating in illicit activities that may lead to the creation of more humans
* Using a plastic straw instead of sticking your face in a beverage and slurping
* Forgetting your reusable grocery bags at home
* Getting a cut-down Christmas tree
* Getting a carbon-heavy plastic Christmas tree
* Turning on any electric appliances
* Using the heater instead of rubbing two sticks together for warmth

Children have responded enthusiastically to the doll so far, saying things like, "Mommy, I'm scared," and "Make the bad girl go away."

Credit-where-credit-is-due Dept.: This brilliant satire was written by Mark Scheffler for the Babylon Bee. Walt visits their site regularly for such goodies as "Kamala Harris Demoted To Meter Maid After Failed Campaign" (3/12).

Greta Thunberg inspires parents of teen to take action!

After our daughter, aged 15, was moved to tears by the speech of Greta Thunberg at the UN the other day, she became angry with our generation "who have been doing nothing for 30 years." So we decided to help her prevent what Saint Greta warned of -- "massive eradication and the disappearance of entire ecosystems." We are now committed to give our daughter a future again, by doing our part to help cool the planet four degrees.

From now on she will go to school on a bicycle, because driving her by car costs fuel, and fuel puts emissions into the atmosphere. Of course it will be winter soon and then she will want to go by bus, but only as long as it is a diesel bus. Somehow, that does not seem to be conducive to helping The Climate.

Of course, she is now asking for an electric bicycle, but we have shown her the devastation caused to the areas of the planet as a result of mining for the extraction of lithium and other minerals used to make batteries for electric bicycles, so she will be pedaling, or walking, which will not harm her or the planet. We used to cycle and walk to school too.

Since Saint Greta demanded "we need to get rid of our dependency on fossil fuels" and our daughter agreed with her, we have disconnected the heat vent in her room. The temperature is now dropping to twelve degrees in the evening, and will drop below freezing in the winter, we have promised to buy her an extra sweater, hat, tights, gloves and a blanket. For the same reason we have decided that from now on she will only take cold showers. She will wash her clothes by hand, with a wooden washboard, because the washing machine is simply a power consumer. And since the dryer uses natural gas, she will hang her clothes on the clothes line to dry.

Speaking of clothes, the ones that she currently has are all synthetic, made from petroleum. Therefore on Monday, we will bring all her designer clothing to the secondhand shop. We have found an eco store where the only clothing they sell is made from undyed and unbleached linen, wool and jute. Cotton is out of the question, as it comes from distant lands and pesticides are used for it. Very bad for the environment.It shouldn't matter that it looks good on her, or that she is going to be laughed at, dressing in colorless, bland clothes and without a wireless bra, but that's the price she has to pay for the benefit of The Climate.

We just saw on her Instagram that she's pretty angry with us. This was not our intention. From now on, at 7 PM we will turn off the WiFi and we will only switch it on again the next day after dinner for two hours. In this way we will save on electricity, so she will not be bothered by social-stress and will be totally isolated from the outside world. This way, she can concentrate solely on doing her homework. At eleven o'clock in the evening, we will pull the breaker to shut the power off to her room, so she knows that dark is really dark. That will save a lot of CO2.

She will no longer be participating in winter sports to ski lodges and resorts, nor will she be going on anymore vacations with us, because our vacation destinations are practically inaccessible by bicycle. Since our daughter fully agrees with Saint Greta that the CO2 emissions and footprints of her great-grandparents are to blame for "killing our planet", what all this simply means is that she also has to live like her great-grandparents, who never had a holiday, a car or even a bicycle.

And we haven't even mentioned about the carbon footprint of food yet. Zero CO2 footprint means no meat, no fish and no poultry, but also no meat substitutes that are based on soy. After all, that grows in farmers' fields, that use machinery to harvest the beans, trucks to transport to the processing plants, where more energy is used, then trucked to the packaging/canning plants, and trucked once again to the stores.

And there will be no imported food, because that has a negative ecological effect. And absolutely no chocolate from Africa, no coffee from South America and no tea from Asia. Only homegrown potatoes, vegetables and fruit that have been grown in local cold soil, because greenhouses run on boilers, piped in CO2 and artificial light. Apparently, these things are also bad for The Climate. We will teach her how to grow her own food.

Bread is still possible, but butter, milk, cheese and yogurt, cottage cheese and cream come from cows and they emit CO2. No more margarine and no oils will be used for the frying pan, because that fat is palm oil from plantations in Borneo where rain forests first grew. No ice cream in the summer. No soft drinks and no energy drinks, as the bubbles are CO2. She wanted to lose some pounds, well, this will help her achieve that goal too.

We will also ban all plastic, because it comes from chemical factories. Everything made of steel and aluminum must also be removed. Have you ever seen the amount of energy a blast furnace consumes or an aluminum smelter? Shockingly bad for The Climate! We will replace her 9600-coil, memory foam pillow-top mattress with a jute bag filled with straw, and a horsehair pillow.

Finally, she will no longer be using makeup, soap, shampoo, cream, lotion, conditioner, toothpaste and medication. In this way we will help her do her part to prevent mass extinction, water levels rising and the disappearance of entire ecosystems.

If she truly believes she wants to walk the talk of Saint Greta, she will no doubt gladly accept and happily embrace her new way of life!

Thanks and a tip of the undyed, all-wool toque to Agent 6.

UPDATED: Canada's feminist PM demotes blonde bimbos

Immediately upon his election four years ago, Canada's allegedly metrosexual, avowedly feminist and decidedly woke Prime Minister Just In Trudeau vowed to have equal numbers of men and women in his cabinet. Gender identity thus became Priority One, ahead of intellect, experience and competence.

The result was the appointment of Chrystia Freeland and Catherine McKenna as Ministers of Foreign Affairs and the Environment respectively. The two bottle blondes quickly became the most loathed and reviled members of the government of Canuckistan.

Chrystia Freeland, who represents an uber-elite riding in downtown Toronto, distinguished herself by:
- Throwing a "These people are impossible!" hissy fit when attempting to negotiate a trade agreement with the European Union
- So annoying American officials trying to renegotiate the North American Free Trade Agreement that they suggested it would be better if she stopped attending the meetings
- Pissing off the Saudis by demanding (!) the release of human rights activists jailed for violating the Oil Kingdom's laws
- Appearing in public in a white dress with bodice so tight that bumps looking like nipples were clearly visible to those who didn't avert their eyes.

Catherine McKenna, who was re-elected in an Ottawa riding where 98% of the voters work for the federal government, and know enough not to bite the hand that feeds them, quickly earned the sobriquet "Climate Barbie" for her hysterical rants about the imminent destruction of Mother Earth. She:
- enraged Western Canadians by suggesting that the oil on which their economy depends ought to be left in the ground
- opposing the construction of new pipelines (success!) and the expansion of the existing Trans-Mountain pipeline (partial success)
- passing a regulation further limiting the number of polar bears Inuit [former "Eskimo". Ed.] hunters could take, in the face of their testimony that polar bears are no more endangered than they were 50 years ago
- calling Canadians who didn't believe that in climate change ignorant and "unpatriotic"
- demanding that the meeja and other Canucks stop calling her "hateful names" like "Climate Barbie" and, errr, the C-word which was spray-painted on her constituency office the night of her re-election.

Canucks and others who find all this a bit hard to believe are invited to check out Walt's numerous sarcastic and disparaging posts about Ms Freeland and Ms McKenna.

But there's good news coming today for long-suffering Canucks. In about six hours, Prime Minister Trudeau will draw back the curtain to reveal his new and improved (???) cabinet. Apparently somewhat chastened by his rejection in large swathes of the Great No-longer-white North (not one Liberal elected in Alberta or Saskatchewan), Mr Socks is expected to shuffle Ms Freeland and Mr McKenna off centre stage, to positions in the wings, behind the potted plants.

Foreign Affairs magazine named Ms Freeland "Diplomat of the Year" for 2018. Walt's agent in the world's second-coldest capital city says that by this afternoon, the would-be successor to Mr Socks will be employing her diplomatic skills "domestically". Canada's constitution doesn't provide for a "Deputy Prime Minister", but rumour has it that the position, heretofore filled on an ad hoc basis by whoever was willing to take one for the team, will now be made official, complete with office, staff, limousine, all the stuff that Ms Freeland got used to while swanning around the capitals of the world as Foreign Affairs/Global Affairs Minister. She will thus enjoy all the influence that Vice-President Pence has in the US of A.

It's unclear where Ms McKenna will be going, except that it won't be Environment/Climate Change or Natural Resources. Some wags say that Greta Thunberg will be made an honorary Canuck and appoint to the Senate, so to become the new Minister for Deindustrialization, but somehow I doubt that. (Lifetime pct .982.) Ms McKenna will probably get something where her sensitivity to the needs of ordinary working-class Canadians can be put to good use. Minister of Revenue, perhaps. Or Minister of Refugees, Immigration and Citizenship. (There is such a ministry. Walt wouldn't kid you.)

Once the new and improved cabinet is installed, Prime Minister Trudeau is expected to take his family on a long overdue vacation to visit with his friend George Soros on the Aga Khan's private island in the Caribban. [Ed., please check. Didn't they already do that?]

UPDATE ADDED 22/11/19: This guide to the Trudeau government's new ministries appeared atop Chris Selley's column in today's National Post.

As Nelson Muntz sez... (see above)...

Where can I get one of these?!

Every day I ask Ed. "What snoo?", and Ed. replies "Knot much." But as the day wears on, he and I usually discover something of which we were previously unaware. Today it's the famous (somewhere else?) Pinzgauer 718K, sometimes described as a light utility vehicle, sometimes as a camper, sometimes as a military vehicle -- the military in question being the Swiss army, which uses them to transport knives.

They're not exactly new. A quick Google search reveals that they've been around, in various models (including one with canvas top and sides) since the 1970s. Some are available, slightly used, on online sales sites. So that answers my big question of the day: where can I get one of these?! I wannit, I wannit, I wannit!

After all, Arnold Schwarzenegger has one! According to the Daily Mail, Ahnold was seen yesterday driving his six-wheeled Pinzgauer 718-K high-mobility all-terrain vehicle, in Brentwood CA, just days after meeting with seriously disturbed teen activist Greta Thunberg.

Herr Schwarzenegger, who might have been president of the USA were it not for being a foreigner, has had his gas-guzzler shipped to Germany and back, to fit it with an S-TEC low-displacement engine, so as to make it more environmentally friendly. The original SUV (or whatever you call it) had a D24T 2.4-litre diesel engine, getting no more than 20-30 mpg. When I was a lad, that was considered pretty good gas mileage, but driving something that fuel-inefficient now makes you a climate change denier. And if it's made in Germany you're probably a racist too!

UPDATED: Climate change denier, you are being watched!

This massive mural of hair-on-fire teen "climate activist" Greta Thunberg is going up near Union Square in the heart of San Francisco. It is still being detailed and is expected to be completed early next week.

Said Paul Scott, executive director of One Atmosphere, the nonprofit that commissioned the work, "We're hoping [the mural] is going to touch people and that it will open up their hearts and minds to the unbridled conviction of Greta's message." Doesn't that remind you of huge pictures and billboards with the face of Jesus that we used to see scattered around rural America? Very scary...

Walt wonders if there are CCTV cameras embedded behind Greta's eyes. Perhaps they relay images of the street below direct to Greta on the planet Nutso, or wherever she is. Perhaps not. She wouldn't be pleased to see the shit and other filth that are part of the San Fran street scene.

Further reading (added 11/11/19): "Declaring California a 'Compassionate State' – That’ll Fix Everything", by Phil Cowan, in the California Globe, 10/11/19. Subtitle: Where, exactly, is the compassion for Californians?