Thursday, April 24, 2014

Ypsilanti police set to flush out phantom pooper

Ypsilanti MI police are flushed with success, you might say, having closed in on the phantom pooper. That's right. For the last month six months, in spite of the winter weather, someone has been soiling slides at Ypsilanti's Prospect Park, much to the consternation of slider wannabes and their parents.

In January, Ypsi Police Chief Tony Wiggum [Ed., please check.] sent an e-mail to his minions to say "We have a problem in Prospect Park with a miscreant that does not understand the difference between a children’s playground slide and a toilet. Apparently this extremely misguided individual feels the need to defecate on the slide despite the cold weather."

Apparently catching the phantom pooper wasn't a high priority, though, until this month. According to the Detroit Free Press, city officials decided the dirty deeds had to be stopped immediately! "This winter, it wasn't necessarily a problem," said city council member Pete Murdock. "But now that the weather is getting warmer, we need to get a handle on it."

A handle? Hmmm. Difficult image to get into one's mind, but Adams Outdoor Advertising decided to help out by creating a series of billboards urging Ypsilantians or Ypsis or Gypsis or whatever the locals call themselves to do their "civic doody" and "report the pooper"!

Another sign read, "Help us flush the pooper!" Each billboards featured a Superman-like figure in a brown "anti-poop" shirt. The hashtag #YPSIPOOPER is prominently displayed, prompting many locals to crack wise.

However, Todd McWilliams, general manager of the advertising company, said his company was shit serious -- inspired to design and erect the billboards after an employee from Ypsilanti brought a news report about the phantom pooper to the office.

And it looks as though the billboards may have done some good. Last Friday the Ypsi police issued a press release stating, "We are investigating a person of interest possibly involved in these incidents. We will be not be providing any further information, as the case is still open and active."

Meanwhile, unfortunately for fans of the #YPSIPOOPER billboards, the City of Ypsilanti has requested that they be removed, after just three days of, errr, exposure.

However, Ypsilanti police are still requesting the public's help. Their press release concludes, "Any information relative to the case can be directly forwarded to us here at the police department." So if you live in Ypsilanti and you want to pass something, give them a call. Never let it be said that Walt's readers don't know shit!

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