Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Shock announcement from Marois: Separate Québec to be subdivided!

In "Elections coming up in Québec and Afghanistan -- who cares?", Walt explained how Pauline Marois was poised to lose the provincial election due on April 7th. Her Parti Québecois looked like being a shoo-in, thanks to widespread support among francophone (French-speaking) voters for the proposed Québec Charter of Rights and Values, which would get hijabs and other funny clothes off the streets and ensure that "au Québec on ne parle que français".

Keen observers like Walt could see that the immigrants, Muslims, Jews and têtes-carrées (English speakers) were lining up squarely against the PQ. They alone would only have secured opposition victories in a few ridings in the West Island of Montréal. But then, with the emergence of P-K Péladeau as the PQ's star candidate, came more talk of a referendum on separation from The Rest Of Canada. That kind of talk makes even les vrais Québecois nervous, because they don't want to lose their Canadian passports, dollars and "entitlements".

So, in a stunning volte-face, Mme Marois will today announce that if Québec separates from TROC, certain parts of la Belle Province will be allowed to separate from Québec to form their own ethnic homelands. Her idea is said to have been inspired by the success of the "Bantu Homelands" in the pre-1994 Republic of South Africa.

In Montréal, Côte-des-Neiges-NDG will become a separate ghetto ["republic", surely! Ed.] named "New Jerusalem", which will be closed from sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday. Mackenzie King Park will be renamed David Ben-Gurion Park. Government policy will follow the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

Just to the east, Westmount will have its official status changed to that of a Dominion of Her Britannic Majesty. No decision has been made as to a new name, but there is strong support for "Wolfeville". Westmount Park will not be renamed "Plains of Abraham" because of the risk of offence to residents of New Jerusalem.

Other regions which elect to separate from a separate Québec will be officially multicultural. All ethnicities and cultures will be celebrated, except for the French/English/Scottish/Irish. Secular humanism will be the official religion, but Muslims will be allowed to pray in the streets and build mosques on the sites of churches, as is already done in the Middle East. Sharia law will apply to all citizens, as is already the case in Indonesia.

This secession of the non-French parts of Québec -- effective from June 31st -- will leave the rest of the new republic to white, French-speaking "Christians". Applications to immigrate are already pouring in from the Greater Toronto Area.

1 comment:

  1. If you didn't figure it out from the date of posting and the date mentioned within, this was intended as un poisson d'avril -- an April Fool's joke. However, I stand by my prediction of the result of the election. Lifetime pct .987.