Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Heart Attack Grill spokesman dies of... wait for it...

It was the fatty food -- meals weighing in (geddit?) at close to 10,000 calories -- that killed John Alleman, an unpaid and unofficial spokesman for the Heart Attack Grill, in Las Vegas.

Following the death in 2011 of the previous unofficial mascot, Blair "Gentle Giant" River, weight 575 pounds, Mr. Alleman, aged 52 and a mere 180 pounds, appointed himself chief meeter and greeter, standing outside the restaurant's doors every day to  say hello to the trencherpersons coming in to risk death by cholesterol.

The grill's owner told the Las Vegas Sun that Alleman's death isn't going to mean the demise of "Flatliner Fries" or what the restaurant says is the world's "most calorific burger." His policy, he said, is to let people be themselves. Which apparently means obese. "Over 350 lbs eats free", says the sign. Only in America.

Alleman succumbed to a heart attack while waiting for a bus. What else could it have been? Well, "Gentle Giant" River died of pneumonia. Farewell, then, to both of them. Hope they're not in a hell of rice crackers and undressed salads.

Footnote: Walt isn't sure if Mr. Alleman qualifies for a Darwin Award, since his death could be considered intentional. Still, eating oneself into an early grave is stupid, isn't it.

Query to readers: Walt recollects an episode of The Simpsons in which Homer tackles a giant steak, only to suffer a heart attack. Can anyone provide details?

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