A funny thing happened on the way to the convention

Walt apologizes sincerely for being MIA for the last three days. The idea was to take a leisurely drive in a southerly direction, arriving in Florida in time for the Republican convention. It is going to be in Florida, right? Anyhow, about 100 miles east of Fort Mudge, Walt's VW Yenta broke down, leaving me sitting on a pile of rocks, much as shown here [only with a hat. Ed.]

What was I thinking? I was wondering why on earth I would go to the Republican convention. I'm not a delegate. I'm not even a card-carrying Republican. Not even regiestered! So the only reason for going would be to report on the thrills and excitement of the contest for the GOP nomination.

Just one problem with that. There won't be any thrills and excitement at all. The loudest sounds to be heard will be the chirping of the crickets. Why? Because everything has already been decided. The inevitable Mitten Romney [Ed., please check Romney's full name. Walt] had the nomination locked up in the spring. He might have generated some buzz by keeping mum on his choice of running-mate until next week, but after his foreign tour de farce something positive was needed so they let the Ryan out of the bag early.

Result? The only frisson of uncertainty or controvery this week was generated by a hitherto-obscure congressman's brain fart on the subject of abortion. Will Todd Akin stand down? Can Romney and Ryan disown him without compromising their pro-life credentials... such as they are? Who knows? Who cares?

What we're going to see in Florida -- the dozen of us who may tune in -- is yet another example of the blanding of America. Or the Holiday Inn Syndrome, if you will. There are no surprises in American life any more. Nothing is left to chance. Everything is carefully controlled, stage-managed to a fare-thee-well, even in the previously unpredictable world of politics. Everything has been decided by Those Who Know Best, and what the people think no longer matters.

Contrast this year's affaire d'ennui with the GOP convention of 1880 that chose James A. Garfield over three other earnest contenders including U.S. Grant. Garfield was only at the convention to speak for the nomination of someone else, but his speech was so good -- and the race so hopelessly deadlocked -- that the delegates chose him as a compromise candidate.

You can read about the convetion, and about Garfield's subsequent assassination, in Destiny of the Republic: A Tale of Madness, Medicine & the Murder of a President, by Candice Millard. Walt reviewed the book in March and awarded it 17 stars. No one has yet figured out why 17, but obviously it's an excellent rating. Read the book and weep for the days when American politics was truly exciting.