Sunday, July 31, 2011

What happens if you kill an animal in Toronto

A few weeks back, a resident of Toronto, fed up with raccoons rummaging in his garbage and his garden, beat a couple to death with a shovel. A neighbour (and animal-lover) saw the commotion, called 9-1-1, and before you could say "Doctor Dolittle", the miscreant was hauled off to the bureau de gendarmerie and charged with cruelty to animals.

This weekend, also in The Little Apple, two men slaughtered a sheep in a city park. Police were called by a woman claiming she saw someone trying to escape from the trunk of a car. She managed to get the licence plate and officers later found the vehicle in a northwest Toronto neighbourhood. Inside the trunk were binder twine, duct tape (the handyman's secret weapon) and, errr, sheep shit. Or possibly cherry stones. Hard for a cop to be sure.

Moments after the car was located, two men came running towards it, and were about to be taken into custody. However, they told officers that they had sacrificed a sheep, which they bought for about $150 from a farm [Cash? No sales tax? Ed.] in York Region. They slaughtered the sheep for good luck, they explained.

What are the chances, Walt asks, of charges being laid against the sheep-killers? Would they be treated more severeley than someone who kills a raccoon? After all, sheep are bigger! (Not cuter though. Have you ever really looked at a sheep, close up?)

Perhaps it depends who...or what...you are. The distraught gardener who slew the coons is Vietnamese. The two men who wanted to get lucky are most likely not Vietnamese. It's more likely that they are "south Asians", as the lamestream press calls Indians and Pakistanis these days. And quite possibly Muslims to boot. So that will be all right then.

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