Middle East madness

For the tiny percentage of you who care what's happening over in the sandpit, here's today's news, in four parts.

Item: South African President Jacob Zuma -- the one with four or five wives, who takes showers to avoid getting HIV/AIDS -- has been on a mission to Libya to persuade Brother Gadhafi to stop fiddling while Tripoli burns. In other words, to go while the going's good. It is rumoured that Zuma offered Gadhafi asylum in Comrade Bob Mugabe's Zimbabwe, where he could join former Ethiopian dictator Mengistu in luxurious exile. Gadhafi's answer? "Hell no! I won't go!"

Item: Yemen is a country where houses are built tall, not wide, so the contents of the alleged toilets can run down the outside walls and dry in the hot desert sun. Civil war has been imminent for weeks, and looks more so today, as the off-again on-again truce between President Saleh and groups of desert tribesmen has gone off again.

Last week, fighting between members of the powerful Hashed tribe -- mounted on camels and armed with scimitars and muskets -- and Saleh's security forces widened to areas outside the capital. Saleh's elite Republican Guard is armed with machine guns, mortars and rocket-propelled grenades, so the morning line makes the tribal types a long shot.

Item: Afghanistan's alleged president, Hamid Karzai -- krazai name, krazai guy! -- warned NATO-led forces in the armpit of the world that they risk being seen as an occupying force rather than an ally. Wow! Stop the presses!

The prez, wearing his trademark Afghan hat [what else? Ed.] despite 100-degree heat, said NATO's killing of civilians had to stop or he would take unspecified "action". Like leaving the country to join Gadhafi somewhere? Highly unlikely. Lifetime pct: .976

And finally: As Karzai spoke, so did Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harpoon, who called the Canucks' mission "in general a success" and proclaimed Afghanistan "no longer a threat to the world". Which begs the question of why the USA and a few other members of the coalition of the allegly willing are staying there after the Canadians leave.

Walt nominates Harper for the Brass Neck Award [or similar. Ed.]. How he can stand, clad in khakis and the new "Peter Mackay" model flak-catcher and lie to his troops -- 156 of whom have died in the Afghani dust and dirt -- mystifies me. And the Canadian soldiers know they're being lied to, yet they listen politely and refrain from booing or fragging their dear leader. Canadian politeness, I guess!