Erstwhile comedian Billy McChrystal, who clawed his way out of the entertainment gutter and rose to the lofty position of U.S. commander in Afghanistan, seems likely to be planning a return to the nightclub circuit following an evening of fun and frolic with freelance journalist Mike Hastings, who was doing a profile on the general for Rolling Stone.
McChrystal's commander-in-chief, the Rainbow President, has invited Billy to the Formerly White House for what is expected to be a severe bollocking. "I was just trying out some impressions", McChrystal said, "but I guess the prez wasn't amused. I hope he'll change his mind once he sees the polished version of my new act."
The material McChrystal referred to reportedly included Vice-President "Joe Bite Me", U.S. ambassador to Afghanistan Karl Eikenberry, and National Security Adviser James Earl Jones, who was depicted as a clown. "I rented a Krusty the Klown outfit for that one," McChrystal said. "I mean, I really put some effort into this, y'know?"
Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said McChrystal's new routine was definitely a CLM, and hinted that McChrystal "will never work in this town again". Gibbs promised that in his meeting with McChrystal, President Barack would be "wide awake and fully engaged...not like last time."
The Americans are expected to follow the lead of the Canadian Armed Forces, who earlier this month assigned their former commander in Afghanistan, General Daniel Ménard, to head a crack team developing a new computerized personnel system. Given his background in entertainment, General McChrystal is tipped to be placed in charge of of bringing Bob Hope back from the dead to headline a new USO show to cheer up the boys in the Middle East.
Neither the U.S. nor the Canadian Armed Forces have yet named new commanders for the Afghanistan police action. However, Walt can reveal the names of the leading candidates: Brig.-Gen. Stan Lee Laurel (Canada) and the first top-level female commander in U.S. history, Gen. Olive R. Hardy.
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