Hold the presses! Another entry for our Funny Names contest

Here's what Wikipedia tells us about Bartolo "Big Sexy" Colón. He is a Dominican-American professional baseball pitcher, now toiling for the Karachi Monarchs of Baseball United. 

He last played in the US major leagues in 2018, having pitched for 11 different MLB teams: the Cleveland Indians (1997–2002), Montreal Expos (2002), Chicago White Sox (2003, 2009), Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (2004–2007), Boston Red Sox (2008), New York Yankees (2011), Oakland Athletics (2012–2013), New York Mets (2014–2016), Atlanta Braves (2017), Minnesota Twins (2017), and Texas Rangers (2018). He also played for the Águilas Cibaeñas of the Dominican Professional Baseball League (Dominican Winter League) and the Acereros de Monclova of the Mexican League. 

There's nothing particularly funny about Sr Colón's name, but Agent 34 has sent us a couple of newspaper clippings showing that a little imagination can transform a simple name into a LOL headline.

Further entries along these base lines are welcome.