Taliban sponsors Olympic hockey team

In an effort to improve its image following the rather bloody ouster of the American invaders from Afghanistan, the Taliban have decided to sponsor an ice hockey team to play in the 2022 Winter Olympics, which will be held in Beijing.

"We think it's a good fit," said Hassan ben Sober, the Minister of Sport and Mayhem. "We want to do something to show our appreciation for Chinese support during our struggle against the Western crusaders, and it's well known that hockey is a sport in which trying to behead your opponents is not just tolerated but encouraged."

Since the new Taliban government has not been recognized by any Western government [Not even Canada? Ed.], the team will not be able to play under the name of Afghanistan, so will be nominally under the sponsorship of neighbouring Pakistan, and will be called the "Pakistan Raiders".

It's not entirely a fiction. Owing to a dearth of ice in Afghanistan, the team will hold its training camp in the Khyber Pass, well known for an abundance of snow and ice at this time of year.

"Obviously we've had to do everything in a hurry," said Mr ben Sober, "since the games are going to be held in February. We don't have time to build a team from scratch, so we're borrowing things from other countries which developed hockey programmes. Our sweaters, for instance, are in the colours of the Jamaican national team, which was so successful at bobsledding some years ago."

The Raiders are also importing players from friendly hockey-playing countries, such as Canada. There is a problem, though, with using players, like the one pictured, who are not old enough to grow a decent Islamic beard. "We hope that false beards and black greasepaint will do the trick," said Mr ben Sober, "to convince our opponents that we have real men playing for us... and also keep those fuzzy-cheeked boys from being too appealing to our own people."