A pun, my word!

Ed. here. Walt is preoccupied with the Scottish independence referendum, which seems odd considering that he has no ties with the Land of the Kilt-wearers, but there you are... It falls to me, then, to find something to fill this space today. So I will tell you a story...


Once upon a time, in ancient Greece, there was an artisan named Benny. Benny was a potter -- a maker of clay pots and bowls and amphorae and suchlike. Benny was produced nice works of art, but like many artists, received only a few drachmas for his efforts. Thus he remained a poor artisan -- in the other sense of the phrase -- and he wasn't happy about it.

Benny kept thinking and thinking about what he could do to become rich. He tried producing bigger and more beautiful urns and bowls, but increased his wealth by only a small fraction. So one day he decided to go and ask the famous Oracle of Delphi for the secret to success.

Pythia (for that was the Oracle's name) said she would whisper the answer to Benny, but that he must understand that the secret came with a warning -- a condition which Benny must accept and follow without question for the rest of his life -- in peril of dire consequences should he ever disobey.

The condition was that Benny must never again shave, but let his beard grow naturally, not even trimming it, until he died. If he did, the Oracle warned, he would instantly be turned into one of his pots!

Benny wanted so very much to be wealthy that he agreed. Sure enough, his work became much in demand. An ever-increasing number of patrons paid him ever-increasing sums for his objets d'art. And lo, he was rich.

But Benny became not just rich, but itchy. The longer his beard got, the more of an inconvenience he found it. It itched. It got in his soup. His wife hated it and his children were scared of it. So one day he thought he would take a chance, and shave it off. What could happen, he thought. It was a long time ago that I made that promise. Maybe the Oracle has forgotten by now.

So Benny shaved off his beard. And the moment he cut the last hair, he turned into a large vase, as you see here. The moral of the story is: a Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

We are very fond of puns, the more atrocious the better. If you know a real groaner, send it to Walt at the usual address and we'll use it one of these days when we're in need of filler. No limericks or clerihews please!