The coffin of civilization

Readers of a certain age may remember history being taught in schools. Of course there was less of it, then. I rather enjoyed history, and learned from studying it that, to see more clearly where you should be going, you need to look back to see where you've been.

Which brings us to the Middle East, where human history began. Or so we were taught in Ancient History 101. Civilization began, we were told, in the Fertile Crescent, the land between the rivers Tigris and Euphrates, stretching from modern-day Turkey down to the Persian Gulf.

Superimpose today's national boundaries on the map, and you'll see that this cradle of civilization takes in five 21st-century states: Iraq, Jordan, Syria, Lebanon, and "the Zionist entity" aka Israel. If you count Palestine, you get six mutually antagonistic nations.

Just to the east lies Iran, historically known as Persia. From 2000 BC to 1000 BC [Dates are approximate, since Walt wasn't actually there. Ed.] Persia was occupied by people known as Medes, whose empire (known as Media -- no kidding) stretched from Cappadocia (eastern Turkey, today) across central Asia to what is now Pakistan. Media was one of the four great powers of the ancient Near East, until 550 BC when it was conquered by Cyrus the Great. Today, one man's Mede is another man's Persian.

The Fertile Crescent has been fought over since Cain and Abel. Visitors say the parched and dusty land seems hardly worth fighting about, but when you add in the competing claims of three religions, you have a recipe for endless warfare. The Semitic peoples -- the term includes Akkasians (Assyrians and Babylonians, Elbaites, Ugarites, Canaanites, Phoenicians (including Carthaginians), Hebrews (Israelites, Judeans and Samaritans), Ahlamu, Arameans, chaldeans, Amorites, Moabites, Edomites, Hyksos, Arabs, Nabateans, Maganites, Shebans, Sutu, Ubarites, Dilmunites, Bahranis, Maltese, Mandaeans, Sabians, Syriancs, Mhallami, Amalekits and Ethiopian Semites -- take great delight in killing each other for any reason (or no reason) whatever.

To come to the point [Thank you! Ed.] Walt predicts that the cradle of civilization is going to become the coffin of civilizatin, sooner rather than later. I won't put my lifetime pct (.989) on the line by giving an exact date for the commencement of the Armageddon, but the signs and portents are there.

On Friday, when the world was thinking TGIF and not paying attention, the Canadian government quietly closed its embassy in Tehran. The announcement was made by the Foreign Affairs Minister, John "Nancy" Baird, who was attending the APEC summit in Vladivostok with his puppet-master, "Call me Steve" Harpoon.

Remarkably, a couple of Canadian journalists were still sober enough to catch the play, and the story was -- even more remarkably -- soon on the international wire services. Read in isolation, the Canucks' decision to close up shop, and send home the Iranian dips in Ottawa, seemed no big deal. The British closed their embassy after an incident a couple of years ago, and the Americans did the same long before that. The Harper government has become notorious for sucking up to Israel, so this latest move would seem to be a logical extension of Canada's so-called policy on the Middle East.

But why now? Why choose a quiet, end-of-summer weekend to decamp? Canada officially declared Iran to be a terrorist state, or at least a sponsor or supporter of terrorism. And, Mr. Beardless said, Iran hadn't stopped work on developing a "nuculer" bomb. Nothing new there. So why now?

Walt thinks the Israelis -- whose prime minister, "Bibi" Netanyahoo, within seconds issued a statement praising the Canadian action -- are getting set to pull the trigger, and gave their Canadian friends a little advance warning so there'll be no smell of cooked back bacon and maple syrup hanging in the air of Tehran.

Would Israel strike first? It wouldn't be the first time. Their own people are expecting it and preparing accordingly. In Jerusalem, gas masks are reportedly selling briskly.