Swaziland girls now need visas to visit Canada

Breaking news from Ottawa, the world's second-coldest capital city. Amid mounting concerns over the porousness of Canada's borders, Immigration Minister Jason "Kenny" Kenney has announced that, effective immediately, visitor's visas will be required for those wishing to visit from St. Lucia, St. Vincent and the Grenadines, Namibia, Botswana and... yes... Swaziland.

In a remarkably forthright statement of the obvious, the government said documents from St. Lucia and St. Vincent are "unreliable" because "criminals from these countries can legally change their names and acquire new passports."

Fraudulent papers are also of concern in the three African countries added to the list, along with human trafficking, especially of minors like those shown in this picture.

Minister Kenney has said that he personally will check out all the applications of girls such as these to make sure that they are what and who they say they are, and that all their figures are correct. "It'll be a tough job," he said, "but someone's gotta do it."