Rummaging through his dusty and tattered scrapbook of clippings, Walt came across the following report -- undated but believed to be c. 1983 -- from Ottawa, Canada.
A pair of letters from the Ontario government are being photocopied in offices all over Ottawa and brightening up the dull days around here.
One letter was written last August by J. Douglas McCullough, Assistant Deputy Minister of Citizenship and Culture at Queen's Park, and asks all municipal clerks across Ontario for input on a newly-formed Special Committee for the Arts.
McCullough asked for "a short brief or letter concerning the arts in their municipality - how they are regarded, how they are funded, what effect they have on the life or the economy of the municipality and so on."
Back came the now-famous reply of Harold V. Turton, tongue-firmly-in-cheek Clerk of the town of Wardsville, pop. 400, a tiny blip on the map between London and Windsor [Ontario].
Reference your letter requesting information on the Arts in our municipality.
We are pleased to advise that we have four: Art Harold, Art Morgan, Art Marks, Art Sweet.
They are all extremely well regarded in the community. They are mostly funded by Old Age Security pensions and Canada Pension, and all contribute to the economy of the municipality in their day-to-day living.
We are pleased that you are interested in the Arts. However, we have many other names that also deserve recognition, such as William, Charles, Henry, etc., particularly many of the female gender: Mary, Helen, Ellen, etc.
We would be pleased to forward a full list if you so wish.
Yours truly,
Harold V. Turton
Word received from Toronto is that a Harold V. Turton award is being set up to recognize the bureaucrat who sends out the most inane letter of the month.
No comments:
Post a Comment