Canadians no longer welcome American tourists. Sorry!

Poor Len Canayen reports that the booing of the Star-spangled Banner at hockey games held in Canada has abated. This is due to ritualized announcements before the fat lady sings [Wut? Cheralyn Toca "fat"? Hardly! Ed.] urging the fans to forget about "the current unpleasantness" and show some respect for the game and those who play it, no matter what sweaters they wear. 

Nevertheless, visiting Americans, whether hockey players or tourists, are noticing a distinct cooling in Canucks' attitudes to their guests. Seems the frostbacks don't like being insulted by the Donald, with all his "51st state" bullshit. And there's always been that kind of smugness about being better educated and less parochial than the average American. You know, the kind you see on Judge Judy.

Our suspicions that they really just want Americans to come to their country to "Keep Canada green! Bring US dollars!" were confirmed when Len passed along this leaked copy of a memorandum from the Canadian Chamber of Commerce, which instructs Canucks in how to "get even" with the Yankee invaders while still taking their greenbacks.

Eleven ways for Canadians to annoy Americans 

1. Talk really slowly, enunciating every syllable. 

2. Refer to the United States as "the eleventh province". 

3. Frisk them for weapons. 

4. Intentionally mispronounce rapper Jay-Z's name "Jay-Zed". 

5. Flash your all-inclusive Free Health Card. 

6. "Maple syrup or grits? Yeah there's a tough choice." 

7. Tell them they couldn't possibly be American; they're not obese enough. 

8. When in conversation, ask them to repeat themselves, saying, "I'm sorry ,I just can't understand your accent". 

9. "The next 'Bachelor' is Canadian. Now you'll see how a real man deals with the ladies". 

10. "New York? Where is that exactly?"

11. When they commend your politeness, tell them to fuck off. 

It's possible this document might be bogus, or that Len has already started celebrating the Habs' gaining entry into the NHL playoffs for the first time in years, but, dear American readers, if you visit Canada this summer, don't expect an unequivocal welcome.