Friday, November 26, 2021

Too many snowflakes to make a snowman, nowadays

Ed. here. We are pleased to welcome a new agent -- hereafter Agent 19 -- who contributed this recent diary entry.

Received about 2 inches of snow yesterday and at 8:00 am: I made a snowman. 

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman. 
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman. 
8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified women everywhere. 
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead. 
8:22 - The transgender man.. woman...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts. 

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and are not used to decorate snow figures. 
8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white. 
8:30 - I used food coloring to make one of the snow couple a different color and be more racially inclusive. 
8:37 - Then accused of using a black face on the snowperson.
8:39 - The Muslim gent across the road demanded the snow woman be completely covered. 

8:40 - The police arrived saying someone had been offended. 
8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role. 
8:43 - The "council on equality" officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 - TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now a sexist. 

9:00 - I was on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, and sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding that I be arrested. 9:45 - The boss called and fired me because of the negative association with work that had been all over social media.
10:00 - I cry into my drink because all I wanted to do was build a snowman. 

Moral: There's no moral to this story. It just showswhat this world has become because of a bunch of snowflakes.

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