Sunday, March 25, 2018

Whiteman's Immutable Laws of Firearm Interaction

The marches for increased gun control -- and against Trump and other scary things -- took place as scheduled yesterday. The usual suspects turned out in their 1000s, putting the innocent children up front to hide the antifa and BLM placards. Now that the demonstrators have gone home, it's time to clean up the trash -- wish there were tougher litter control laws -- and reflect on America's gun culture.

Here are my Immutable Law of Firearm Interaction.

For the purposes of this discussion, let us divide Americans into three groups: (A) ordinary citizens -- folks like you and me (or at least me; I'm not so sure about you). (B) criminals -- the kind of people who disregard gun control laws, the people who will still have firearms even after the police state has taken them away from the rest of us. (C) the gestapo ["police", shurely! Ed.]... OK, police, including customs officers, park rangers, security guards and all the others who wear badges and are allowed to carry guns.

The laws are these.

In any intereaction between A and A, where one or both As are armed, anyone who survives will be charged. If a gunshot victim is a "person of colour" and the shooter is white, the shooter will be branded a racist Nazi. (Cf. Trayvon Martin case.) If there are three or more victims, the shooter will be called an insane monster and a product of our sick society.

In any interaction between A and B, where A is armed and B is not, A will be charged. (I speak from personal experience.) If B is armed, and especially if B is so a "person of colour" (see above), both will be charged and A will be told that instead of defending himself he should have called C.

In any interaction between A and C, if A is armed he will be deemed a B. If A is unarmed and is shot by C, and somehow survives, he will be charged. If A does not survive, C will be placed on administrative leave (Cf. Stephon Clark case, a few days ago), then possibly tried and acquitted of any wrongdoing, especially if A is a "person of colour" and C is white.

In any interaction between B and B, it doesn't matter who's armed and who's not. C will conduct a cursory investigation of any gunplay but will be unable to get anyone to talk, so no charges will be laid. Civil authorities will tut-tut about guns and gangs and build another basketball court in the project.

In any interaction between B and C, it will be assumed that B was armed, even if he wasn't, or if B's "suspected firearm" turns out to be a cellphone or a pocket knife, especially if B is (as is often the case) a "person of colour". If B survives, he will be charged. If B doesn't survive, no-one will be charged, and C will get a citation for heroism. If C doesn't survive, B will be charged and C will get a police funeral attended by 1000s of Cs from all over North America, at taxpayers' expense.

In any interaction between C and C
, the parties will be excused on the grounds that they were just horsing around in the station house. The police will investigate themselves and punish any wrongdoing by docking the offender a few hours' pay.

Corollary: Tighter gun control laws will have no effect except to make life harder for A.


Walt's action recommendation: When they come for your guns and ammunition, give `em the ammo first!

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