10 worst 9-1-1 calls of 2014

The year-end wouldn't complete without a list of some kind: best this, worst that, top ten the other. Walt has been making a list [and checking it twice? Ed.] but hesitates to publish it for fear of offending someone and being hailed in front of a human rights tribunal or the Legion of Decency.

As a substitute, and in keeping with the tradition, we present the 10 worst 9-1-1 calls of 2014, as compiled by E-Comm, the largest 9-1-1 call centre in British Columbia, and published by CBC News. In Letterman order, here they are:

10. "What's the date today?"

9. Home internet isn't working.

8. Wants help finding lost glasses.

7. Food they ordered is cold.

6. "Is today a stat holiday?"

5. "Can you call a taxi for me?"

4. "What's the number for my travel agency?"

3. Pizza not fresh; wants a replacement slice.

2. "What's the fine for jaywalking?"

1. Wi-fi at a local coffee shop isn't working!

These aren't as far-fetched as you might think. Long ago, before there was 9-1-1, I used to get calls like these from my sister-in-law! And what ever happened to 4-1-1? "Information" operators used to keep lists of stupid questions they got asked every day!

Walt's Agents 1 and 78, both of whom have manned ["personned", surely. Ed.] information desks, have similar lists. One day I'm going to put them all in a book. People will have to call 9-1-1 to find out where to get it.

Footnote: Readers in the UK are advised to dial 9-9-9 for answers to their stupid questions. People wishing to call the Springfield Police Department should call 9-1-2.