Fat and fatter

Read a report earlier this week that North Americans are getting fatter. Americans are the fattest people on earth [What about Samoans? Ed.] with Canadians not far behind. More and more of us are having trouble seeing the numbers on the scale because our gross stomachs are in the way.

Which brings me to the subject of ballpoint pens. Remember when pens were slim and trim, like this Bic model? Such pens came standard in offices and schools a generation or two ago. You bought them in boxes of a dozen and they were used by people with slim fingers and trim figures who had no trouble holding onto them.

Now pens look like this. Occasionally I get invited to a meeting or conference at which pens are given away, and of late they all seem to have a kind of bulbous, hourglass look. I've been thinking about it [You need to get out more! Ed.] and have come up with two possible explanations for this phenomenon.

One is that the curvier pens are designed that way to appeal to men who like to run their fingers along the smooth, undulating, cool metal surfaces, imagining that [I'm cutting the rest of this paragraph for reasons of space. Ed.]

The other is that fatter people have fatter fingers. They can no longer hang onto the slimline pens of yesteryear with the little cocktail sausages at the ends of their hands. Pretty soon, rather than attempting to grasp the pen with two fingers, you'll see people curling their hammy fists around it, so as to be able to make an "X" on their credit card slips. Welcome to 21st-century America.