Dinner and a show

Last night Mrs. Walt and I hied ourselves down the road to the new Cineplex in Fort Dreary to see Saint Vincent, the latest Bill Murray movie. More about that in a few minutes. First, an observation about our changing society. We are evolving, and not, as Mark Steyn details in After America, for the better.

Walt remembers going to the cinema -- or "theater"/"theatre" if you prefer, although to me that term refers only to live or "legitimate" theatre -- for the Saturday matinee. 25 cents (made of silver back then) got you into the show, with enough left over for a small box of popcorn, minuscule by today's standards. The popcorn came with salt, but no "golden topping".

Nowadays the popcorn counter in the lobby has lengthened to almost a block -- well, let's say 20 or 30 feet -- and offers an amazing array of junk food and fizzy drinks. Popcorn comes in a number of sizes, except for small or medium. You can get XL, XXL, XXXL and American. The bucket that I saw a fat lady buying reminded me of the feedbag that the milkman used to hang on old Dobbin's head about halfway through his round.

Speaking of feedbags, I observed that in addition to the long, long popcorn counter, the cinema now boasts a mini food court! Yep, there's a snack counter where you can get 1000s of calories in a clamshell -- burgers, fries, and assorted other starches and carbs.

There were a few chairs and tables, but no-one sat at them. Instead, they took their supersized portions of lard (referring to the alleged food, not their butts) into the auditorium, the better to gorge themselves while watching whatever was on the silver screen. The young lady sitting beside me ate her way through the entire feature singlehandedly. By that I mean she dug whatever she was eating out of the container with one hand, while texting (surprised?) with the other.

Time was, when a young swain invited his girl out for dinner and a show, it was understood to be dinner first, then the show. Now, it seems, we can do both at the same time. Modern life is just one big bouffe, with a bit of entertainment on the side. And here (pictured) is the result.

How about a "Buffalo Crunch" donut? From Tim Hortons, of course!

Turns out Walt's prediction about what would come of the merger between American burgermeisters Burger King and Tim Hortons, the iconic Canadian coffee-and-donuts chain, wasn't that far off the money. (Lifetime pct .974) See "Tim Hortons + Burger King = ??? Burger Bits ???".

No, it's not Tim's Burger Bits, nor is it a Whopper with chocolate glaze and sprinkles on top. It's even better! Are you ready for The Buffalo Crunch Donut?!

Yessiree Bob! Just in time for the New York State Fair, Tim Hortons presents its latest creation, specifically tailored to the American obsession with fast/fat food. So much so that US critics are accusing Tim's of making mock of the American diet. Here's part of the review from FastCompany.com, an American website for fast food junkies.

"The Buffalo Crunch Donut takes different food elements and mashes them together to create a blog-worthy food chimera. Unlike the Doritos Taco and the Cronut, this thing doesn't really make sense.

"Look at the ingredients. The donuts are topped with with an orange dusting of crushed-up chips. The Buffalo sauce is available in hot or mild, which is apparently tempered with ranch dressing. And as the eagle-eyed sleuths at Grub Street note, the dipping sauce in the middle is adorned with two slivers of tortilla chips of questionable utility.

"Buffalo native Rebecca Greenfield says it's not actually that crazy. 'The Buffalo donut is like Buffalo wings plus a donut. Besides being gross, it's not a totally insane combo since Tim Hortons is all over Buffalo.' She also noted that Tim Horton used to play professional hockey for the Buffalo Sabres."

You can try the amazing Buffalo Crunch Donut at the New York State Fair -- that's at the fairgrounds in Syracuse -- until Labor Day for just two bucks ($2.20 in Canadian money). Whether the new taste treat will stay on Tim's menu after that remains to be seen.

New fat bomb hits California

Americans continue to hold top spot in the world obesity rankings. Apparently they like it that way, in spite of having to squeeze their enormous butts into airplane seats designed for willowy Asian girls, and having to ignore mooing noises as they waddle one-abreast down Main Street USA.

If Americans didn't enjoy being fat, why would people like Charlie Boghosian -- owner of Chicken Charlie's -- keep dreaming up new fat foods, like deep-fried Kool Aid balls, made with flour, water and cherry-flavored Kool Aid.

But deep-fried Kool Aid is soooo 2011. This year the fat-filled treat that can't be beat is... wait for it... deep-fried cereal! The latest fat bomb, made with Trix or Cinnamon Toast Crunch, debuted at the San Diego fair earlier this month. Charlie tops the grease-balls with syrup and a few pieces of cereal.

Sadly, Charlie's balls debuted to discouraging reviews. Shauntel Lowe (who looks as if she might know a thing or two about the matter of which we speak) wrote: "When I was trying the deep-fried Cinnamon Toast Crunch, the pool of grease in the bottom of the basket made me clutch my heart a little. The doughy ball of greasy cereal wasn't bad, but it definitely isn't something I'd go out of my way to buy. [My taste-testing partner] Candace called the Trix edition 'disappointing'."

Perhaps Shauntel and Candace should have tried something more wholesome, like Charlie's deep-fried avocados or deep-fried Girl Scout cookies. Really. You can look it up.

Further reading on WWW:
"Showers for those who can't see their toes" -- I couldn't figure out why people keep looking at this post until I had another look and saw the picture Ed. chose.
"Disney anti-obesity show: what you WON'T see" -- If you're going to see the Mouse this summer, check this out.
"FAT in life, FAT in death" -- Don't worry. When you fatten yourself to death on deep-fried cereal, they won't have to bury you in a dumpster. You might have trouble squeezing through those pearly gates though.

Nabisco launches new and improved junk food

America is losing the war against obesity. Proportionally, the USA has more overweight, fat, obese and morbidly obese people than any country on earth. [What about Samoa? Ed.] Those, of course, are round figures.

The Prez and Imelda would like to see their subjects [fellow citizens, surely! Ed.] slim down a few sizes, and are asking food manufacturers and retailers to reduce calories, provide healthier alternatives, blah blah blah. Ever eager to help, the friendly folks at Nabisco, have introduced a new product, even more appealing to the piggy public than the ever-popular Chips Ahoy!

Yes, it's Chips Ahoy Middles! Nabisco listens to its customers, and what it heard was that the classic Chips Ahoy -- something like a chocolate chip cookie -- had too much cookie, not enough chocolate. So the obvious solution was to hollow out all that cookie dough and replace it with a soft, gooey centre of fat, sugar, salt and chocolate flavouring.

What you have now is pretty much a chocolate bar wrapped in a crust of cookie dough, not unlike that famous Glaswegian delicacy, the Deep-fried Mars Bar. Just what the customers (if not their doctors) ordered.

My Fitness Pal reports that a serving (two cookies) of Chips Ahoy Middles, total weight 31 grams, has 7 grams of fat (of which 4 grams saturated) and 13 grams of sugar. Total carbs, 21 grams. Yes, there's salt too, 110 mg. Any vitamins? Errr, no.

Want to see what you'll look like on a steady diet of Chips Ahoy Middles and similar junk? Check out "Showers for those who can't see their toes". I wouldn't be surprised if it's all part of an Islamist plot to make us eat ourselves to death.