"Fair trade", à la Brandon

Let's suppose, just for the heck of it, that you're the President of the Disunited States. (See "As Georgia goes, so goes the nation", WWW 7/12/22.) Vladimir Putin's minions come to you with a deal... an offer you can't refuse.

They want to repatriate a Russian citizen, Viktor Anatolyevich Bout, aka the Lord of Death, a former Soviet military translator who became a very successful arms dealer. Mr Bout used multiple companies to smuggle weapons starting during the collapse of the Soviet Union from Eastern Europe to Africa and the Middle East during the 1990s and early 2000s.

His luck ran out in March of 2008, when he was arrested in Thailand on terrorism charges. He was extradited to the US of A, and on 2 November 2011 was convicted by a jury in a Manhattan federal court of conspiracy to kill US citizens and officials, delivery of anti-aircraft missiles, and providing aid to a terrorist organization.

He was sentenced to the minimum 25 years' imprisonment because the crime was due to a sting operation. Until this week, he was languising in the United States Penitentiary, Marion (IL).

For some reason, the Russians want him back, and are offering in exchange one (only) of two Americans, imprisoned in Russia, about whom the State Department and President Brandon have been making a fuss. 

One is Paul Whelan Paul Nicholas Whelan, a Canadian-born former United States Marine with no fewer than four passports: American, British, Irish, and Canadian! He was arrested in Russia on 28 December 2018, and accused of spying. On 15 June 2020, he received a 16-year prison sentence.

The other is Brittney Yevette Griner, a lesbian who plays professional basketball player for the WNBA Phoenix Mercury. She is the only NCAA basketball player to both score 2000 points and block 500 shots. In 2012 she was named the AP Player of the Year and the Most Outstanding Player of the Final Four. Ms Griner led the United States women's national basketball team to victory at the Rio Olympics in 2016.

Having been named to the US national women's team for the 2020 Olympics, Ms Griner protested the Star Spangled Banner and stated she would not be on the court while the national anthem was played during game openers. She completed her move to the dark side by signing a contract to play in the Russian Premier League during the WNBA off-season.

Alas for her, when she entered Russia in February 2022, Ms Griner was detained by customs officials after cartridges containing hash oil were found in her luggage. Last July, she pled guilty to smuggling charges. and  was sentenced to nine years in prison. 

Cue the SJW outrage! The usual suspects -- the alphabet people, the BLM types, the feminists, et al. -- and  whined to the State Department that she was "wrongfully detained"... even after her plea of guilty. The White House took up the cause because, well, mid-terms, and sure enough, a deal was reached earlier this week.

Pop quiz: Which of the two prisoners do you think President Brandon ransomed, to dramatize his commitment to fighting for freedom and justice?

Kinda warms the cockles of your heart, doesn't it? If your cockles get too warm, rub them with ice.

Recommended reading: "Biden Decides To Read 'Art Of The Deal' After Getting Ripped Off In Griner Trade", Babylon Bee (of course!),  9/12/22.