Wednesday, February 8, 2012

A Catholic in the White House?

Stunning news from Middle America! "Roman Rick" Santorum scored a hat trick, beating "Mormon Mitt" Romney in three semi-important nominating contests.

Checking the results to hand at this moment, looks like Missouri went 55% for Santoum to 25% for Romney. Astronewt wasn't on the ballot there, and the vote doesn't actually mean anything until the state holds its caucuses on, errr, St. Patrick's Day.

Meanwhile, denizens of Lake Wobegon, Mist County and other parts of Minnesota decided that a Catholic was a lesser evil than a Mormon, giving Santorum 45% of the vote, and putting Romney third with 17%. Guess who came in second? Ron Paul, with 27%. Newt took it in the rear [brought up the rear, surely! Ed.] with a measly 11%.

Then there was Colorado, which Romney was supposed to win, being closer to Utah, both physically and philosophically. Mr. Santorum took about 40% of the vote there, to 35% for Mr. Romney. Mr. Gingrich and Mr. Paul pretty much tied for third with 13% and 12%.

So what have we learned today? In their search for the perfect ABR candidate, Republicans have been through Perry, Cain, Gingrich, and now it's Santorum's turn. But can he win? If nominated, can the conservative Catholic Rick Santorum beat Al O'Bama (religion undetermined)?

Could Americans really get over their suspicion of Catholics, particularly a Catholic like Rick Santorum who (unlike the pretending Catholic Newt) actually accept the Church's teachings on social and moral issues?

Have the voters of Missouri, Minnesota and Colorado not heard about the secret protocol between Rick and the Vatican? Walt has it on good authority that Mr. Santorum has promised, if elected, to pass legislation changing the very nature of America.


  • Massachusetts will be divided into two states: High Mass and Low Mass

  • Ascension Day will be made a holiday for elevator operators

  • The national motto will be changed from "In God we trust" to "The Pope, we hope"

You read it here first.

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