Funny headline of the month (so far)

Seen on the BBC News website

Walt's comment: Goodness! How uncomfortable for him! 😱😁😂

Not only the Vatican opposes woke gender ideology (+ bonus VIDEO)

Yes, Virginia, there really is a conspiracy of the WEF/Davos/one-worlders to destroy Western civilization, "that all may be one".  They do it by insinuating their queer, secular humanist, ultra-woke ideology into every possible medium for social intercourse, to the point where their perverted ideas and ideals have now become the accepted orthodoxy.

Accepted, that is, in the Woke West -- the AABC countries and western Europe. You don't hear the "influencers" and thought leaders in places like Hungary, Russia, China, India, Africa and Latin America pushing the DEI agenda. or giving platforms to drag queens (see video) or queers preaching against the morality of the Bible or the Quran.  

Say what you will about Islam, Sikhism, even Hinduism, their holy books as well as the Bible give us a moral compass, a way to live, a code of proper behaviour that will please -- not offend -- God. And there are believers, even in the West, who look to the scriptures for guidance, and reject the amorality of the New World Order.

Because the One-Worlders keep pushing their amoral ideologies and decadent culture on the rest of the world, the clash between the "old values" and the New World Order comes up in every international conference or gathering, particularly those organized by the Disunited Nations. We see that right now at COP30, the 30th annual United Nations climate change conference, where the unwoke (read: non-Western) rejection of gender ideology risks complicating the outcome.

Six governments -- Paraguay, Argentina, Iran, Indonesia, Malaysia as well as the Holy See -- have moved to attach to a key text their own interpretations which (according to the apostles of queerness) would block recognition of trans and non-binary people, and set a "harmful precedent" that could "seep into other shared decisions" taken by the UN’s climate body. 

A reliable source (who wisely chose to remain anonymous) told an international press agency yesterday that "There is 'frustration within rooms' because they were not authorized to discuss the sensitive issue. It’s become a bit ridiculous — we have six footnotes right now; should we have 90?"

At stake is a revamped "Gender Action Plan" (seriously... GAP) meant to guide work for the next decade. The GAP includes commandments to "mainstream gender across climate programs". Climate change, it seems, is no longer as important as the rights of wimmin... and those who identify as any of the other 90-odd genders besides "male".

The GAP was adopted in 2017 and strengthened in 2019. COP30 is now working on a new, even more woke version. The footnotes proposed by those who believe there are only two genders -- M and F -- reveal their proponents' red lines around the term "gender", some longstanding, others part of the rising tide of anti-wokeism.

The Holy See, for example, says it understands gender as "grounded on the biological sexual identity that is male and female." Pretty straightforward, eh. Argentina, a majority-Catholic country led by President Trump's ally Javier Milei has rolled back DEI policies and LGBTQ(etc) rights, and attacked the cancer of wokeism.

A source on the other side of the gender ideology divide contends there is no need to reopen the definition, because parties can already interpret decisions according to their national circumstances. "Allowing countries to attach their own interpretations to agreed language does not protect national sovereignty. It undermines multilateralism itself." Aha! That word -- multilateralism -- is the shibboleth of the New World Order! 

Here's another quote that reveals the not-so-well-hidden agenda. Bridget Burns, executive director of the Women’s Environment and Development Organization, told AFP, "If every Party could footnote core terms like finance, ambition or equity, we would have no negotiation left -- only fragmentation. Gender equality is an agreed principle under this Convention. It needs no qualification." Let there be no dissent!

How to square the circle? One possible off-ramp, said the anonymous source first referred to, would be for the opposing countries to deliver statements after a decision is adopted, ensuring their positions are reflected in the official record. Walt thinks that's a fine idea, since COP30, GAP, and the whole steaming pile of bullshit will be largely ignored by everyone except, perhaps, our woke Western government.

And now for a video on a not-unrelated subject. Here's our old friend Gavin McInnes -- good to see ya, Gavin! -- talking about the insufferable wokeness of the BBC, where it seems female (real female) staffers have had enough of the Corpse's trans dogma. The state-run media doesn't just crowbar gender-neutral weirdoes into every programme, they also deny murderers are male if the guy is wearing a dress. Sez Gavin "It's as ridiculous as it is dangerous." Give a listen.

 

And what about you? Do you still believe?

Scraped from The Patriot Post. For "NPR", Canadian readers please read "CBC" and British readers please read "BBC".

UPDATED AGAIN: "Allahu akbar!" in Southport, England

If you haven't heard yet about the knife attack in Southport (near Liverpool), England, the basics are as follows: Two children have been killed and nine injured, six critically, in a "ferocious" knife attack at a children's dance workshop. Two adults are also in a critical condition after being stabbed as they tried to protect children at the Taylor Swift-themed event on Hart Street in Southport, Merseyside Police said.

That's the first part of the BBC report. Click here to read the whole thing, but don't expect to have your suspicions confirmed. All the Beeb is saying is that a 17-year-old boy, from Banks in Lancashire, has been arrested on suspicion of murder and attempted murder. Nothing about the yoof's nationality, status in the UK or religion.

Likewise, the Bobbies [Are they still called that? Ed.] said the motivation for the attack was "unclear", but it was not -- repeat NOT -- being treated as "terror-related." Nothing to see here, folks. Go to some other story and above all don't spread Islamophobia.

But wait, there's more coming down the Mojo wire right now!

Walt's good friends at Blazing Cat Fur report that Merseyside Police have confirmed that a teenager has been arrested following the stabbing "incident." Officers were called to a property on Hart Street around 11:50 AM on Monday to reports of multiple people being attacked, including children and adults. At least one fatality has been reported. 

17-year-old Ali Al-Shakati from Banks has been arrested in connection with the Southport stabbings and is currently in police custody. Mr Al-Shakati, was on the MI6 watch list and known to Liverpool mental health services. He was an asylum-seeker who arrived in the UK by boat last year.

Are you surprised? I didn't think so.

UPDATE ADDED 31/7/24 at 1345: Both the BBC and the Merseyside cops are now saying that the attacker's name is NOT "Ali Al-Shakati". Here's their story:

"The BBC is not repeating the false name here to avoid spreading misinformation. Media organisations cannot give the suspect's real name for legal reasons, but Merseyside Police have said the name shared on social media is incorrect."

As I said, that's their story, as authored by... sorry, can't tell you, for legal reasons. LMAO.

UPDATE ADDED 1/8/24 at 0600: The "legal reasons" for not naming the stabber aren't reasons any more. Whether that's the decision of a judge or just some common sense at The Times (UK) is unclear. 

What is clear, according to The Times is that the Southport attack suspect has been named in court as Axel Rudakubana, 17, shown at left wearing his hoodie. 

Appearing at Liverpool & Knowsley youth court on Thursday morning, the yoof has been charged with three murders, ten attempted murders and of "possessing a kitchen knife with a curved blade." 

Kirpans, worn at all times by religious Sikh men, have curved blades. But Mr Rudakubana doesn't look like a Sikh, does he. In fact, The Times says, he has Rwandan parents and lives in the village of Banks, but is originally from Cardiff, Wales. 

The Times doesn't say anything about his religion though. Rwanda is a former Belgian colony, and a lot of Rwandans are Catholic. But Islam has been making serious inroads there in recent years, as it has throughout sub-Saharan Africa, so I guess we won't know the accused's religion and/or motives until he says something. Don't hold your breath.

Transcript: BBC coverage of the funeral of the Prince of Edinburgh

Note from Ed.: The funeral held at St George's Chapel in Windsor on last April 17th was a sombre and low-key affair, not the sort of thing that makes for good television. We were hoping to have some video for you, but a lengthy search has produced nothing other than still photos like this one.

However, Agent 3 has just sent us what purports to be a transcript of 

BBC Coverage of the Funeral of HRM Duke Philip, Prince of Edinburgh 

ALAN TITCHMARSH: Welcome one and all, wherever you may be, to this Right Royal Funeral here in the truly fabulous surroundings of St George's Chapel in the age-old city of Windsor. Well, the sun is shining and it's one heck of a beautiful day, but of course this isn't what one might call an altogether "sunny" occasion, is it, Sophie? 

SOPHIE RAWORTH: Morning, Alan! There's a tremendous lot of excitement, with young and old come out to watch, and a group of kids by me painting lovely little miniature coffins, but, no, Alan, you're right - this is, at heart, a very very solemn occasion, as it's a funeral to mark the death of someone very very special.

ALAN TITCHMARSH: Wonderful! And remind us who that very special person is, Sophie - or should I say "was"?!

SOPHIE RAWORTH: It's none other than His Royal Majesty Duke Philip, Prince of Edinburgh, Alan! For younger viewers, he's the one who was married to Queen Elizabeth 1 for I don't know how long! Years and years. But he's now, of course, very sadly died.

ALAN TITCHMARSH: Her Royal Majesty must feel his demise most terribly. How do you think she's feeling now, as she prepares for this, her big day, Sophie?

SOPHIE RAWORTH: They say she's very saddened by her husband's death, Alan and who can blame her?! But it's worth remembering, Alan, that if he hadn't died, none of this would be happening today, and the whole event would probably have had to be cancelled, which would have been very disappointing, especially for all those who have come so far. So, in that sense, Alan, every cloud has a silver lining.

ALAN TITCHMARSH: So now let's go over to Dale Winton, with all the lovely people who've gathered outside Windsor Castle on this truly splendid occasion. What's the mood like down there, Dale?

DALE WINTON: Absolutely super, Alan! How are we all doing ladies? Give us a right royal cheer! Wooh! Yes! Well done, girls! They're all determined to have a really great time here today! And now back to you Alan!

ALAN TITCHMARSH: I'm delighted to welcome Royal expert Simon Schama. Tell us something about King George's Chapel, Simon. It's something of an iconic building, am I right, Simon?

SIMON SCHAMA: Very much so, Alan. It has a history as long as my arm. It was in the 13th century that King Hen... 

ALAN TITCHMARSH: Before you go all historical on us, Simon, I'm afraid I'm going to have to interrupt you because some sort of royal procession is now starting. So over to The Woman Who Knows yes, it's our right royal fashion expert Eve Pollard, no less, soaking up the fabulous funeral fashion!

EVE POLLARD: Yes, Alan, the excitement's mounting as they're take their seats in King James's Chapel, which gives us a golden opportunity to take a look at their frocks! Sadly, the Royals seem to be playing very safe today. It's all black, black, black. Princess Kate is wearing black, and so's The Queen, who's the one in the centre, and even the lovely Pippa has opted for something very very dark. One longs for a flash of bright yellow or lime green to cheer up the proceedings! And what about showing a bit of leg for the blokes, Pippa?! Ha ha! Back to you Alan!

ALAN TITCHMARSH: Thanks Eve! And now we welcome the one and only Lord Andrew Lloyd-Webber to the studio. A very sad day, then, in many ways, Andy?

ANDREW LLOYD-WEBBER: Yes, Philip was a remarkable figure who came to see a great many of my shows - Superstar, Cats, Phantom - and he always took a keen interest in everything I was up to, so we'll all miss him terribly.

ALAN TITCHMARSH: And am I right in thinking, Andrew, that you have a brand new TV series on in the autumn?

ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER: Yes, we're all very excited, we'll be searching for the new Little Orphan Annie...

ALAN TITCHMARSH: I'm going to have to stop you, there, Andrew, as I'm being told something's happening in the Chapel. Talk us through it, Matt!

MATT BAKER: Well, Alan, this is very definitely the "Wow!" moment we've all been waiting for. Various military types, soldiers or sailors, I'd guess, are striding along holding what looks like a great big box on their shoulders...

ALAN TITCHMARSH: Might that be the coffin, Matt?

MATT BAKER: Hard to tell, Alan, as it's got a flag of some sort covering it.

ALAN TITCHMARSH: And what's the atmosphere like down there?

MATT BAKER: Not many smiles, to be honest, Alan! In fact, I'd almost describe it as funereal. Hang on, there's this bloke down the far end of the Chapel who's started to speak. I'm pretty sure it's Rolf Harris.

ALAN TITCHMARSH: No Royal occasion is complete without Rolf. Let's hope he'll sing Two Little Boys, in honour of poor Wills and Harry, who let's not forget have lost their dear old Granddad... 

SIMON SCHAMA: It looks to me more like the Archbishop of Canterbury Alan.

ALAN TITCHMARSH: Oooh! Very POSH! Nothing but the best, eh? To get down to the nitty- gritty, Simon, I'd imagine he'd have cost the family rather more than some other vicars I could mention. But I guess he's worth it for all the dignity he offers, eh?

SIMON SCHAMA: I... 

ALAN TITCHMARSH: Back to Matt in King John's Chapel itself. Well, the choir seems to be in full throttle, singing some sort of old and much-loved hymn, I'd imagine. Any sign of Gary Barlow, yet, Matt?

MATT BAKER: No, but once this is all over, I'll bet there's some mega celebs lined up for the after-party, Alan. With me now, as the coffin is carried back out, are Will.i.am, Ann Widdecombe, David Walliams, and Katie Price. Tell me, Katie, how well did you know Duke Philip?

KATIE PRICE: Who? Oh, him. He was well fit.

MATT BAKER: Could I ask you to speak up a bit, Katie? The choir's drowning us out! Back to you in the studio, Alan!

ALAN TITCHMARSH: A truly memorable day, a day most of us will probably remember for quite a few hours. So from the funeral of Prince George at St Philip's Chapel, Windsor, it's cheerio from us - and it's cheerio to him! Cheerio!

Another note from Ed.: Examination of the original with an 8x magnifier has revealed a date, 15 June 2012 (almost nine years earlier than the funeral we were thinking of!) and the words "Craig Brown" and "Private Eye". Whatever can it all mean?

Top 5 American sources of fake news

Here's a meme that pretty much sums things up, taken from "CNN Introduces Segment Where They Rant About What Trump Would Have Tweeted If He Hadn't Gotten Kicked Off Of Twitter"

on Babylon Bee (where else?), 21/4/21.

How about the rest of the world? In Canada, Germany and the Disunited Kingdom, the news sources you can distrust the most are those owned by the all-powerful state. They may pretend to operate at arm's length -- the CBC (Canadian Broadcorping Castration) is a so-called "independent crown corporation -- but they know who signs the paycheques.

Walt recommends (mostly for Americans): NTD News Today. And of course Breitbart... For Canadians and Americans: Blazing Cat Fur ... and keep reading WWW!

The truth is not out there. There truth is here!

Seen today on the Internet. [Is this right? Ed.]

Seen of BBC.com landing page. That's all ye know and all ye need to know about the Once-Great Britain.

"Royal baby" tweet - British are not amused

British DJ Danny Baker is the latest quasi-celebrity to run afoul of the PC police, and in this case the boyz in blue as well. Inspector Knacker of the Yard is investigating a tweet sent out by the BBC Radio 5 Live personality making a joke about Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor, the newly-born and newly-named son of Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex and Meghan Markle, the Duchess.

The tweet said, simply, "Royal baby leaves hospital", followed by a photo which the lamestream media won't publish, but have labelled "racist". Here's what all right-thinking people are objecting to.

Mr Baker's tweet was posted on Wednesday, May 8th, the same day the Duke and Duchess introduced their firstborn son to the public. Mr Baker says his tweet was not "racially motivated", but merely an ill-chosen pic lampooning the news cycle. He was immediately fired by the Beeb anyway.

VIDEO: British politician's gay lover murder plot to be reinvestigated

We have a great video today, featuring the late Peter Cook, of Beyond the Fringe and other estimable British comedy shows. It is timely today, as Inspector Knacker of the Yard has just announced that the murder plot which is the subject of Mr Cook's monologue is about to be investigated again, after a hiatus of a mere half century or so -- a tribute to the ineptitude ["persistence", shurely! Ed.] of British policing.
Let me set this up for you.

The gentleman -- absolutely the right word -- at the centre of the picture, and of a very English scandal, is the Hon. Jeremy Thorpe, since deceased. Mr Thorpe was at all material times (the hippy-dippy 60s) the leader of the Liberal Party, since folded into the moribund Liberal Democratic Party. The gentleman (?) at the left is Norman Scott, who was alleged to be Mr Thorpe's homosexual lover, this at a time when proper British society didn't ask and didn't tell. In fact, at that time, homosexual acts were still criminal offences in the United Kingdom

The gentleman at the right is Andrew Newton, who was convicted of killing Mr Scott's wee dog in what (Mr Newton alleged) was actually a plot to kill Mr Scott himself. The plot was allegedly masterminded by Mr Thorpe, who, as mentioned above, is dead now. He and three others were charged with conspiracy to murder, but were acquitted following a sensational trial at the Old Bailey in 1979. In the video, Peter Cook gives what he imagines to have been the judge's charge to the jury.



Following the acquittal, the British public demanded justice, since no-one other than Mr Newton had been convicted of anything substantial, and a lot of taxpayers' money had been wasted. A while later -- 2015, to be exact -- the BBC produced a documentary in which it claimed that the police had altered the evidence of another person hired to kill Mr Scott. The investigation was duly reopened, but closed again after they concluded that Mr Newton, who was still the key suspect, was as dead as Mr Thorpe.

Mr Scott, who is now 78 but very much alive, told the BBC, "I just don’t think anyone's tried hard enough to look for [Mr Newton]. I really don't. I thought [Gwent Police] were doing something at last and soon found out that absolutely they weren't, they were continuing the cover-up as far as I can see."

Imagine the coppers' embarrassment when they had to annouonce, a few days ago, that they were reopening the case after finding information indicating Mr Newton may still be, errr, as alive as Mr Scott. In a statement to the BBC, they said: "Enquiries were completed which indicated Mr Newton was deceased. We have now revisited these enquiries and have identified information, which indicates that Mr Newton may still be alive.
As a result, further enquiries will be conducted to trace Mr Newton to assess if he is able to assist the investigation."

This may take a while, but do stay tuned, won't you?

Canadian ISIS fighters to be welcomed home, "reintegrated" into society

Canadian defence minister Harjit Singh Sajjan, pictured, is a devout Sikh, an adherent to one of the two religions identified by many Canadians as being detrimental to their society. (The other one is... wait for it... Islam. See "Poll: Most Canadians think Islam, Sikhism bad for their society", WWW 17/11/17.) Not that that has anything to with his government's decision to welcome back Canadian citizens who went to the Middle East to fight for ISIS. That's a case of collective insanity, a decision made by Junior Trudeau's Liberal, feminist, Islamophile cabinet.

At the end of 2015, the Canuck government said its alleged intelligence service was aware of about 180 individuals "with a nexus to Canada" who had travelled overseas to join ISIS, al-Qaeda and other groups of Islamic terrorists. Another 60 were thought to have gone to the sandpit and then returned to Canada. Now, with the almost total collapse of ISIS in Iraq and Syria over the last few months, the question arises of what to do with the 15 dozen or so bitter-enders, who are likely to return to the Great No-longer-white North.

How about killing them before they can return? A modest and reasonable suggestion, you would think. And not without precedent. Britain, France, Australia and the Paranoid States of America all have policies such as were described by Brett McGurk, the special envoy for the fight against ISIS appointed by the Prez, now serving under President Trump. On a recent visit to Syria he told the press, "Our mission is to make sure that any foreign fighter who is here, who joined ISIS from a foreign country and came into Syria, that they will die here in Syria."

Rory Stewart, the British minister of international development, spoke to the BBC last month about citizens who chose to leave the country to join ISIS. "I'm afraid we have to be serious about the fact these people are a serious danger to us," he told the interviewer. "These are people who are executing people...who have held women and children hostage, who are torturing and murdering, trying, by violence, to impose their will. Our response has to be, when somebody does that, I'm afraid, to deal with that. Unfortunately the only way of dealing with them will be, in almost every case, to kill them."

According to Christian Leuprecht, an expert on terrorism and security at Canada's Royal Military College, "Australia is another country that's taken the same approach — that they would prefer that those individuals who've been identified as foreign fighters not return home." Even the French surrender monkeys are working to eradicate their jihadis overseas. A Wall Street Journal investigation published in May quoted French and Iraqi officials describing French special forces co-operating with Iraqi units to hunt down and kill French jihadis.

The Canadian government -- notorious now for making Islamic terrorists into multi-millionaires -- is taking the a different approach. Unlike their allies in the fight against Islamic extremism, the Canucks do not have a policy of targeted assassination for its foreign fighters. Poor old Ralph Goodale, the Public Safety Minister and Designated Apologist for the Trudeau Liberals, appeared on CBC's Power & Politics yesterday to do a little virtue-signalling. "Canada does not engage in death squads," he said. But, he admitted, "with the battlefield activity winding down, there is a very real question about where the foreign fighters go, and all of our allies, whether they're in the Five Eyes or the G7, we've all agreed to collaborate very carefully."

Meaning what, exactly? Well, Mr Goodale said, anyone -- born in Canada or from elsewhere -- who poses a terrorist risk will be viewed "with the greatest of seriousness" by Canada's intelligence, security and police agencies. So there! As Mr Goodale spoke, Minister Sajjan told gabfest on international security at Halifax, "We will make sure that we put every type of resource into place so Canadians are well protected."

Meaning what, exactly? Well, they'll be allowed to come back to Canada, where they will be "deradicalized" and "reintegrated" into Canadian society, in hopes that they will live peacefully ever after. Does that sound like a plan? Or does it just sound like an extreme case of naïveté?

Christian Leuprecht says deradicalization programmes are highly controversial and there is little empirical evidence that they work. In any case, Canada doesn't have such a programme. In June, the Canuck government launched, with much fanfare, the Canada Centre for Community Engagement and Prevention of Violence. Unfortunately, it does not handle individual cases, but "supports initiatives by other levels of government and organizations across Canada." A spokesthingy for Mr Goodale's ministry says it also supports "action-orientated research", whatever that means.

The CBC reports that to date, only two returnees, Pamir Hakimzadah and Rehab Dughmosh, have been charged with leaving Canada to participate in terrorism. Four more men, some of whom may be dead, have been charged in absentia. To date, no Canadian has been successfully prosecuted for travelling to Syria or Iraq to join a terror group. More than 200 Canadian "terrorist travellers" have faced no legal consequences in Canada.

Says Mr Leuprecht of the terror, "They're not stupid. They know that CSIS [the Canadian Security and Intelligence Service -- hah!] will likely monitor them using wiretap warrants, on grounds of reasonable suspicion. And you can use that sort of warrant for up to six months. And if CSIS can't show that there are grounds for keeping that warrant in place, then normally it won't be renewed."

Walt wishes the Canucks good luck with all that. And when a follower of the Prophet shouts "Allahu akbar!" and drives a U-haul truck into a crowd of pedestrians on Yonge Street, please don't say, "Wooooah! We didn't see that coming!"

Where to read the news online FREE

Walt's nomination for Worst Invention of the 21st Century (so far) is the paywall. Newspapers desperate to inflate flaccid revenue streams think paywalls are wonderful, but (let us hope) the wish may be father to the thought.

We shall see. Making people pay to read crap online is still highly experimental, as the lamestream print media juggle different models of pricing and content. The San Francisco Chronicle has abandoned its test, but I am unaware of any other major market newspaper that you can read online without paying after a handful of free articles each month.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that readership of online papers goes waaaaay down after they are cloistered behind a firewall. Canada's Globe and Mail has tacitly admitted as much, and now advises would-be readers, when they reach the "free limit" that there's still plenty of stuff to read without paying. Unfortunately the "stuff" is really fluff -- lifestyle, the arts, and similar dreck that fills up space in the print edition. Nobody reads it in print and methinks no-one reads it online either -- not even for free!

It is also reported that the New York Times is building a fairly large online subscriber base. So is The Economist -- the only one Walt pays for -- but it's hard to tell in their case because you get access to the online edition as part of a package with your subscription to the print version.

Can it be that we must rely on TV "news" to find out what's going on in the world? Where can we go to read the news online without being nickel-and-dimed to death? Walt has four recommendations for you, presented in alphabetical order.

ASSOCIATED PRESS - Hey, where do you think the US (and many other countries') newspapers get their stuff from? Cut out the middleman! Best source (IMHO) for US news. Since they serve media outlets from left to right, there's not much political commentary.

BBC - That would stand for "British Broadcasting Corporation", if you're from another planet and didn't know. The website is the Internet version of the BBC World Service. Comprehensive and balanced coverage of news from everywhere, plus sports (too much soccer) and entertainment and other fluff. Best source for news from the UK. Many weird foreign language versions, including Kyrgyz, Nepali and Pashto. Where else could you find that?!

CBCnews - What the BBC is to the UK, the Canadian Broadcorping Castration is to Canada. Very good news website, not quite so "foreign" to American readers. About the only place Canucks can find lots of stories from and about the Great Not-so-white North.

Reuters - The other big source for the lamestream papers. Strong on business and finance. Click on the drop-down menu beside the "Reuters" logo at the top, and you'll find 15 (count `em, 15!) regional editions, including sites for Canada and China.

So there you go. You can unbookmark whichever print rags you've been cursing. These four news websites are all ye need.

How judicial inquiries work

In the UK and Canada, the accepted way to "deal with" a scandal which is having unpleasant political repercussions is to hold a judicial inquiry or a royal commission. Here's how it works. You find an "unbiased" (but compliant) judge -- a retired judge verging on senility perhaps -- and give him terms of reference that effectively take away his fishing pole. That is, you restrict him from poking too deeply into the dirt at the heart of the matter.

A paradigm of futility would be Canada's famous White Oliphant commission, a topic Walt harped on [wrote on, surely. Ed.] back in 2010. The real scandal was the money that former Prime Minister Lyin' Brian Mullarkey received from Airbus Industries for his part in getting Air Canada (then a crown corporation) to buy a substantial number of its A320 aircraft.

However, the commissioner, Mr Justice Oliphant (retd), was told he was to enquire only into whether Baloney had had any business dealings while he was still prime minister with Karlheinz Schreiber, an oleaginous German-Canadian dealer in armored cars, spaghetti machines and what have you. It was Schreiber who gave the Jaw That Walks Like A Man brown envelopes full of 1000-dollar bills, which the Jaw stashed away and, errr, forgot about until the Mounties started investigating, errr, Schreiber.

The other thing you do, to make sure an inquiry or commission does no harm to anyone, is to deny it the power to punish anyone. It can make findings, and even recommendations, but don't let it initiate criminal proceedings or actually punish anyone or order anyone to do anything. Walt finds that this is ridiculous and recommends that future commissions actually be provided with a few teeth.

Fast forward three years and change location to London, where the British government and its broadcasting arm, the British Broadcorping Castration [British Broadcasting Corporation! Ed.] are up to their nether regions in shit over hundreds of sex crimes which (an independent broadcaster has revealed) were committed by the famous comedian and notorious paedophile, Sir Jimmy Savile.

"Sir Jimmy" got his knighthood from Her Britannic Majesty, by the way, and a similar honour from the late Unblessed Pope John Paul II. Embarrassingly for the Queen and the Vatican, the honours cannot somehow be taken back, since the old bugger mercifully died some months before his delicts came to light.

This week, Brits have been shocked [Shocked, I tell you! Ed.] by more claims of sexual abuse, this time by a senior politician of the Thatcher era. On the BBC's Newsnight programme, a young man said he had been abused by an unnamed politician -- not Lord McAlpine -- at the Bryn Estyn children's home in Wales.

The response of the British government to the latest wave of sex abuse allegations has been altogether predictable. On Tuesday, Home Secretary Theresa May announced a new police inquiry is to investigate fresh allegations into the way police handled child abuse accusations in care homes during the 1970s and 80s.

And -- get this! -- there will also be a judicial inquiry into the failings of previous judicial inquiries. Amazing, isn't it?

Further lurid details: Wales child abuse: PM orders sex abuse inquiry probe

Footnote: The legal beagle who drew the terms of reference for the useless Oliphant commission duly received his reward from a grateful Conservative government. He is now the Governor-General of Canada.

Forgotten the Oliphant commission already? See "The Oliphant labours, and brings forth...nothing" and "The Oliphant hath laboured...". [Some lack of originality in the second headline. But that was back in 2010. We're doing better now...aren't we? Ed.]