Word power: "invalid"

We (Walt and Ed., and Poor Len who's been visiting for a few days) were looking out the window at the glories of nature on display at Parallel 43N, discussing the possibility of going to the corner store to pick up a case of Ma Niffkins Jellied Gin. 

Unlike the late unlamented Pierre Elliott Trudeau, we were not pleased at the prospect of a walk in the snow. "But," said Len, "we ought to be glad that we can get out of the house, that we are not invalids." He pronounced it "inVAlids".

"That must be the Canuck pronunciation," said Ed. "The word is 'INvalid', a person who is weak or unable to take care of themselves on account of illness, injury, or a health condition. As in 'She spent the rest of her life as an invalid.'"

"Noooooo," replied Poor Len. "I meant that we should be glad that those who control our governments, AI and the Internet have not 'cancelled' us, declared us non-persons, beings without foundation or force in fact, truth, or law... in other words 'inVAlid'."

That's a scary thought, isn't it. But certainly not beyond the realm of possibility, given the sorry state of the world in 2026. We put it out of our alleged minds and started thinking about the peculiarities of the English language.

Many English words are homonyms: having the same spelling or pronunciation but different meanings. But how many English words do you know which have the same spelling and the same pronunciation, but different meanings? The only difference in the pronunciation of "i-n-v-a-l-i-d" is the syllable on which the stress is put: INvalid or inVAlid. 

Can you think of any more? We couldn't! If you come up with a pair, click on the headline to open the "Comments" window and impress us with your command of the language of Shakespeare.

MUSIC VIDEO for all Beach Boys fans

Thanks and a tip o' the toque to Agent 3 for sending this along.

Your Singhs today: Surrey BC edition

Today's episode of True Crime comes to us from Surry, which is to British Columbia as Brampton is to Ontario -- majority Sikh shitholes, the both of them.

On the day before Ground Dog Day (as it is known in certain eating establishments), three men were arrested in connection with an extortion-related shooting in Surrey. They are: Harjot Singh, 21, Taranveer Singh, 19, and Dayajeet Singh Billing, 21. 

All three Sikhs have been charged with one count of discharging a firearm into a place. 

Inspector Singh [Ed. Please check.] of the Surrey police said that on February 1st, members assigned to Project Assurance were patrolling in Surrey's Crescent Beach neighbourhood when reports came in around 0350 of shots fired and a small fire outside a home near Crescent Road and 132 Street.

The three accused were arrested by SPS officers a short time later near 28 Avenue and 140 Street after getting into a rideshare vehicle, driven by a fellow wearing a turban. 

Inspector Singh {Ed.???] said the investigation is ongoing and additional charges may be laid. The three Singhs have been remanded in custody until February 5th, when they are expected to be released on bail following the customary pledge not to leave the country. Police said they are all foreign nationals and that they have engaged the Canada Border Services Agency... whatever that means.

According to Surrey police, since the beginning of 2026, there have been 46 reported extortion cases in Surrey, with 11 shots fired, one arson case and 29 victims, 17 of whom are repeat victims. Yesterday, concerned residents and community members held yet another rally to raise awareness about the rise in extortion-related incidents.

Some of the questions asked (but not answered) at the rally are: Of what country are these Singhs nationals? How did they get into Canada... as "temporary skilled workers", or possibly as students of the notorious Singh School of Truck Driving? Once they have felt the limp-noodle wrath of Canadian justice, will they be deported... or will they be allowed to remain in the Great No-longer-white North "on humanitarian grounds"?

Don't bother staying tuned. You already know the answers.

The solution is so obvious

True Names division of our True Crime Dept.

The following story appeared today on Canada's Global TV News. Pretty much a typical Toronto news story, except for the names of the shooter and shootee, which you have to admit are unusual, even for the marginalized community.

A Vaughan man who admitted to killing a Toronto-area rap artist but argued he was not guilty due to a mental disorder that rendered him not criminally responsible (NCR) has been found guilty of first-degree murder. Superior Court Justice Maureen Forestell accepted that Nirusan Shakespearethas was suffering from a mental disorder when he shot and killed 24-year-old Stephen Little-McClacken on July 16, 2022, just outside Scotiabank Arena. 

However, Judge Forestell found that Shakespearethas could appreciate the moral wrongfulness of his actions at the time of the killing and was therefore criminally responsible. "The actions of Mr. Shakespearethas before, during and after the shooting are not consistent with Mr. Shakespearethas' account that he was experiencing command hallucinations, hearing voices and seeing demons. He had a long-standing animus with Mr. Little-McClacken. The reason for his animus is not clear. Before the killing, he researched 'how to get away with murder,' not 'how to kill the devil.'" 

Shakespearethas testified at trial that he believed that Little-McClacken, a rap artist who performed under the name "YB Stainz," was the devil and said he killed him to save the world. Judge Forestell said she rejected Shakespearethas' account of his thinking at the time of the killing because there were many inconsistencies in the accounts he gave to various medical professionals and during his testimony at trial.

"I find that Mr. Shakespearethas' account of his thinking at the time of the shooting evolved over time. I find that Mr. Shakespearethas exaggerated some symptoms and fabricated others. The nature and frequency of his reported symptoms increased with each assessment."

According to an agreed statement of facts, Shakespearethas fired 12 rounds. At least eight shots struck Little-McClacken, including two to the head. Forestell said the inconsistencies in Shakespearethas' account included whether or not the two had met in person before, his reason for buying a gun, the hallucinations he reported seeing before and during the killing and the timing of his decision to kill Little-McClacken.

Whatever you do, don't fart!

Bonbshell news from France th is weekend! Late Saturday night, a 24-year-old man was rushed to the Rangueil Accident and Emergency unit in Toulouse,  "in a state of extreme discomfort, having inserted a large object up his rectum.’ 

An evacuation of the hospital was ordered with seconds, when the large object was discovered to be a World War I artillery shell, still live after all these years. A spokesthing for the authorities told the meeja "Emergency surgery was carried out, and the object was found to be an artillery shell dating back to the First World War. Worse still, it had not exploded, and so bomb disposal experts had to be called to diffuse the shell, with the fire brigade standing by."

Staff and patients were evacuated and a security perimeter was set up around the accident and emergency unit, before the pointed 1918 shell, which was almost 8 inches long and just over an inch in circumference, was declared safe.

The patient, a French national, was set to be interviewed by police this week. Inspector Clouseau of the Toulouse gendarmerie said prosecutors were contemplating legal action against the patient for "handling 'category A munitions."

There was no initial explanation as to why the shell ended up in the man’s body, but local media speculated that "it might have had something to do with his social life."

La Dépêche newspaper writes that medical staff in Toulouse are "accustomed to treating victims injured during sexual games." Shells such as the one found in the patient's nether regions turn up regularly in the fields of France in the so-called "Iron Harvest"’ – the annual collection of often unexploded ordnance from the two world wars found on farmland, building sites, and other disrupted land.

VIDEO: Latest from Waifu Amelia: Is YOUR job safe?

Once again, our AI darling, Waifu Amelia, says out loud what people are thinking, not just in No-longer-great Britain, but in all the AABC countries. Walt knows you're looking! Listen up!

Did you notice that the barmaid says "ma'er" for "matter"? That's an example of the glottal stop which is a hallmark of Essex English. That's the kind of English which David Beckham speaks -- a blend of traditional Cockney and Received Pronunciation.

Common throughout southeast England, the glottal stop in Essex English is a prominent feature of the Estuary English dialect, where the voiceless plosive /t/ sound is replaced by a closure of the vocal cords, particularly in the middle or at the end of words. 

t is often heard in words like "bottle" ("bo'el") or "that" ("tha'"). It grates on American and Canadian ears -- or Walt's at least -- but we'll give Amelia and her friends a pass, since Essex English is much easier to listen to than Bombay or Karachi English!