Tourist sues for brain damage after hit by 16-lb pine cone

Remember Johnny Carson's old line, "May the bird of paradise leave a pine cone in your house!"? Better in your house than on your head, especially when the cone is from a bunya pine! I mean, look at the size of that thing! Imagine the damage one of those could do if it hit you on the head!

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, that's exactly the misfortune that befell US Navy veteran Sean Mace when he was visiting the Bay Area for Fleet Week last year. In a lawsuit filed in federal court, Mr. Mace says he went to the San Francisco Maritime National Historical Park at the Fort Mason Center to find a spot to watch the Blue Angels air show. He found what he thought was a peaceful place to read and rest in the northeast corner of the park, under a stand of coniferous Araucaria bidwillii trees. Those not up on God's language call them bunya pines or false monkey puzzle trees.

Mr. Mace was sitting under one such when a cone weighing 16 pounds fell on him and crushed his skull. Now, in the fine tradition of American law, he's suing the US government, the National Park Service, the Department of the Interior and the park where he was injured in the hopes of changing policies so that no one else falls victim to the same type of bizarre incident.

Oh. Yes. He wants $5,000,000 in damages too. Plus costs. His hired ambulance-chaser told the Chronicle, "This guy has an irreversible brain injury and he’s only in his mid-50s. He’s had two surgeries already and he is going to need a third.”

But, the lawyer went on, "First and foremost [Natch. Walt] the Park Service needs to do something to make sure this never happens again,” Johnson said. “This park is full of tourists and schoolchildren. Something needs to change."

Never let it be said that agencies of the US government are unresponsive to the cries of American citizens. Within mere seconds of the filing of Mr. Mace's suit, plastic fences were erected around the grove, and signs were posted warning, "Danger: Giant seed pod falling from tree".

Ed. has enlarged the image of the sign several times, but has not been able to find any disclaimer to the effect that the posting of the signs does not represent an admission of liability. If I were Mr. Mace's attorney, I'd be waving one of those signs in front of the jury. Guilty, guilty, guilty!!!

Where to read the news online FREE

Walt's nomination for Worst Invention of the 21st Century (so far) is the paywall. Newspapers desperate to inflate flaccid revenue streams think paywalls are wonderful, but (let us hope) the wish may be father to the thought.

We shall see. Making people pay to read crap online is still highly experimental, as the lamestream print media juggle different models of pricing and content. The San Francisco Chronicle has abandoned its test, but I am unaware of any other major market newspaper that you can read online without paying after a handful of free articles each month.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that readership of online papers goes waaaaay down after they are cloistered behind a firewall. Canada's Globe and Mail has tacitly admitted as much, and now advises would-be readers, when they reach the "free limit" that there's still plenty of stuff to read without paying. Unfortunately the "stuff" is really fluff -- lifestyle, the arts, and similar dreck that fills up space in the print edition. Nobody reads it in print and methinks no-one reads it online either -- not even for free!

It is also reported that the New York Times is building a fairly large online subscriber base. So is The Economist -- the only one Walt pays for -- but it's hard to tell in their case because you get access to the online edition as part of a package with your subscription to the print version.

Can it be that we must rely on TV "news" to find out what's going on in the world? Where can we go to read the news online without being nickel-and-dimed to death? Walt has four recommendations for you, presented in alphabetical order.

ASSOCIATED PRESS - Hey, where do you think the US (and many other countries') newspapers get their stuff from? Cut out the middleman! Best source (IMHO) for US news. Since they serve media outlets from left to right, there's not much political commentary.

BBC - That would stand for "British Broadcasting Corporation", if you're from another planet and didn't know. The website is the Internet version of the BBC World Service. Comprehensive and balanced coverage of news from everywhere, plus sports (too much soccer) and entertainment and other fluff. Best source for news from the UK. Many weird foreign language versions, including Kyrgyz, Nepali and Pashto. Where else could you find that?!

CBCnews - What the BBC is to the UK, the Canadian Broadcorping Castration is to Canada. Very good news website, not quite so "foreign" to American readers. About the only place Canucks can find lots of stories from and about the Great Not-so-white North.

Reuters - The other big source for the lamestream papers. Strong on business and finance. Click on the drop-down menu beside the "Reuters" logo at the top, and you'll find 15 (count `em, 15!) regional editions, including sites for Canada and China.

So there you go. You can unbookmark whichever print rags you've been cursing. These four news websites are all ye need.