VIDEO: British politician's gay lover murder plot to be reinvestigated

We have a great video today, featuring the late Peter Cook, of Beyond the Fringe and other estimable British comedy shows. It is timely today, as Inspector Knacker of the Yard has just announced that the murder plot which is the subject of Mr Cook's monologue is about to be investigated again, after a hiatus of a mere half century or so -- a tribute to the ineptitude ["persistence", shurely! Ed.] of British policing.
Let me set this up for you.

The gentleman -- absolutely the right word -- at the centre of the picture, and of a very English scandal, is the Hon. Jeremy Thorpe, since deceased. Mr Thorpe was at all material times (the hippy-dippy 60s) the leader of the Liberal Party, since folded into the moribund Liberal Democratic Party. The gentleman (?) at the left is Norman Scott, who was alleged to be Mr Thorpe's homosexual lover, this at a time when proper British society didn't ask and didn't tell. In fact, at that time, homosexual acts were still criminal offences in the United Kingdom

The gentleman at the right is Andrew Newton, who was convicted of killing Mr Scott's wee dog in what (Mr Newton alleged) was actually a plot to kill Mr Scott himself. The plot was allegedly masterminded by Mr Thorpe, who, as mentioned above, is dead now. He and three others were charged with conspiracy to murder, but were acquitted following a sensational trial at the Old Bailey in 1979. In the video, Peter Cook gives what he imagines to have been the judge's charge to the jury.



Following the acquittal, the British public demanded justice, since no-one other than Mr Newton had been convicted of anything substantial, and a lot of taxpayers' money had been wasted. A while later -- 2015, to be exact -- the BBC produced a documentary in which it claimed that the police had altered the evidence of another person hired to kill Mr Scott. The investigation was duly reopened, but closed again after they concluded that Mr Newton, who was still the key suspect, was as dead as Mr Thorpe.

Mr Scott, who is now 78 but very much alive, told the BBC, "I just don’t think anyone's tried hard enough to look for [Mr Newton]. I really don't. I thought [Gwent Police] were doing something at last and soon found out that absolutely they weren't, they were continuing the cover-up as far as I can see."

Imagine the coppers' embarrassment when they had to annouonce, a few days ago, that they were reopening the case after finding information indicating Mr Newton may still be, errr, as alive as Mr Scott. In a statement to the BBC, they said: "Enquiries were completed which indicated Mr Newton was deceased. We have now revisited these enquiries and have identified information, which indicates that Mr Newton may still be alive.
As a result, further enquiries will be conducted to trace Mr Newton to assess if he is able to assist the investigation."

This may take a while, but do stay tuned, won't you?

Head of Mormon "church" summoned to face UK charges of "fraudulent teaching"

Here's one for the books -- the law books that is. The Fraud Act, 2006 -- a British statute -- says it is a crime to make representations which are known to be untrue, with the intent of defrauding someone else. The Westminster magistrates believe this covers preaching something which is false, in order to get someone to give money to your "church". The notion invites considerable debate over what's true and what isn't, and whether someone can be persuaded to contribute to a "church" by the power of preaching.

The magistrates have issued a summons requiring Thomas Spencer Monson, of Salt Lake City, to appear before to answer the charge of contravening Section 1 of the said act. Mr. Monson [Elder Monson? Reverend Monson? Ed.], age 86 [definitely "elder" then. Ed.] is the president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, better known to most of us as the Mormons.

According to The Telegraph, two former Mormons [kind of has a ring to it -- "former Mormons" -- if they were farmers they'd be "former farmer Mormons". Ed.] went to the Old Bill complaining that seven Mormon teachings were fraudulently presented to them as true, causing them to pay an annual tithe to the "church".

The teachings which Mormons believe, but which the magistrates charge are untrue, include:
- The Book of Mormon was translated from ancient gold plates by Joseph Smith, is the most correct book on earth, and is an ancient historical record
- All humans alive today are descended from just two people who lived approximately 6,000 years ago
- Native Americans are descended from an Israelite family which left Jerusalem in 600 B.C.
- The Book of Abraham is a literal translation of Egyptian papyri by Joseph Smith.
Click here to read all seven (allegedly) false teachings.

"Allegedly"... Walt uses the word on the advice of Agent 3, recognizing that there will undoubtedly be considerable argument as to whether the teachings are true or false. After all, just because South Park doubts the veracity of the Word according to Joseph Smith doesn't make Mr. Smith a false prophet...does it?

We must seriously consider attending the trial, if there is one. (Elder Monson might choose to ignore the summons, since it does not purport to be issued on behalf of God or even Her Britannic Majesty. Whatever happened to the old customary language?) Said trial, if there is one, will surely make the Scopes Monkey Trial look like... errr... a Sunday school picnic.

If there is a trial, the verdict will be awaited with considerable trepidation by countless televangelists and, dare we say it, priests and bishops of the One True Church. Suppose the Pope were proven wrong about something which he taught (not infallibly), for instance that you don't really have to be Catholic to be saved. Could we then claim a refund for all those Peter's Pence we've given over the years? Doesn't bear thinking about, does it...

A good reason to ban the burqa

Meet Mohammed Ahmed Mohamed [One 'm' or two? Ed.], a suspected terrorist. Mr. Mohamed, who has been linked to the Somali militant group al-Shabaab, was subject to a "TPim" (Terrorism Prevention and Investigation Measures) order, aimed at protecting the British public from people believed to have engaged in terrorism-related activity but who it is not deemed feasible to prosecute or deport.

That shows you the British respect for justice and fair play and all that rot. In China this guy would have been shot! (They're not crazy about Muslim extremists there, you know.) In the USA he'd have been locked up, maybe at Gitmo. But in the UK all he had to do was promise to be a good boy and not blow himself to Paradise in the middle of a crowded street. Oh yeah, he had to wear a GPS tag too.

You probably can't see the GPS tag in the middle and right pix. Perhaps Mohammed Mohamed wasn't wearing it. Hard to tell. In fact it's hard to tell if the person in those pix is really Mr. Mohamed, or even someone of the male gender. That's the problem with the burqa, you see...or, rather, you don't see.

Neither did the London police. They believe now that Mr. Mohamed went to the An-Noor Masjid and Community Centre -- that's what they call a mosque when they don't want to upset people -- on Friday morning, and was seen inside around 3 p.m. (Ironically, the mosque is located on Church Road in Acton, one of the darker parts of London.) Sometime thereafter he walked out the door, clad in the full burqa as seen in the surveillance pix, and promptly disappeared. Kind of a Muslim variant on the old Hindu rope trick.

Mr. Mohamed is now "at large", as the saying goes. But he's probably not a threat to the public peace, since, after all, he is bound by the TPim, and faces restrictions on travel, movement, association and communication. So that's all right, then.

Further reading: Apparently some of the ink-stained wretches that pass themselves off as journalists haven't read "Hijab, niqab, burqa -- what's the difference?", since some reports say Mr. Mohamed was wearing a niqab. No, you culturally illiterate clods! The "full Mohammed" is a burqa!