"Prophets" use dwarf to con credulous African man out of $7000

Note from Ed.: Walt still hasn't been heard from, but I hate to leave this space empty on Superbowl Sunday, when some of our readers will undoubtedly be looking for alt-entertainment. So here's a true story from Zimbabwe, in the southern part of Darkest Africa. Some people who live there, like our old friend Dr CZ, admit that it's a shithole. (Not that it's the only one.) But others say that under its new dictator, Zimbabwe is a modern, progressive democracy, full of educated and industrious people, with a prosperous future ahead of it, once they get past some old customs and superstitions. Like the belief in witchcraft, illustrated by this account from today's Zimbabwe Standard.

Three suspected fake prophets allegedly brought a midget to a family in Emakhandeni, Bulawayo and lied to the family that the dwarf was the goblin which was responsible for their son's mental illness. The con artists convinced the family to part with $7000 to cleanse the boy. This case was brought before the courts following the arrest of one of the conmen and was heard by Bulawayo magistrate Nyaradzo Ringisayi. Godfrey Manyoka (30) was being charged with fraud and was remanded out of custody on $200 bail.

The court was told that between October 21 and 31 last year, Manyoka and his two accomplices, who are still at large, went to Khumbulani Mkhwananzi's house in Emakhandeni. The trio allegedly connived to misrepresent to the complainant that they were genuine prophets able to conduct prayers as well as cleansing ceremonies to heal his son who has a mental illness.

The suspects on October 21 allegedly planted weird objects in Mkwananzi's yard to convince him there were evil things brought by witches resulting in the child’s illness. It is alleged that they further lied that there was a tokoloshi [= goblin. Ed.] living in the complainant's house ceiling which contributed to the child's illness.

On October 23, they brought with them a dwarf who was completely naked and they claimed he was actually a goblin, known in the local vernacular as a "tokoloshi". Mkhwananzi remained outside the house while the three entered the house. The "tokoloshi" started talking from outside threatening to kill the boy if it is not paid with 20 herd of cattle by Mkhwananzi. The "tokoloshi" said it wanted the cattle delivered to its homestead in Chipinge while the three were busy praying inside talking to it.

Mkhwananzi was made to believe that the utterance by the purported tokoloshi was genuine. Mkwananzi was charged $7000 by the fake prophets to purchase 20 cattle in Chipinge for the tokoloshi. On October 24 Mkhwananzi gave the three conmen $5000 while $375 was transferred into the accused persons' EcoCash account as payment towards the purchase of 20 cattle in Chipinge and transport for the three to go to Chipinge as per instruction of the "tokoloshi".

He also made a transfer of $2050 into EcoCash account of Esinath Nyambo, one of the suspects who is still at large to settle the balance for payment of the 20 cattle. After the payment the three did not go to Chipinge. Through this misrepresentation they swindled Mkhwananzi of $7351 and nothing was recovered. A report was made to the police leading to Manyoka's arrest.

That's the end of the report. Such stories are not unusual in that part of the world. No wonder so many Africans want to emigrate to the UK or the USA or any Western country where tokoloshis are unknown... or almost....

Credit where credit is due: The excellent drawing of a river goblin was lifted from "Crapsack Goblin Game Idea", by Jeff Russell, in his blog Blessings of the Dice Gods.

Head of Mormon "church" summoned to face UK charges of "fraudulent teaching"

Here's one for the books -- the law books that is. The Fraud Act, 2006 -- a British statute -- says it is a crime to make representations which are known to be untrue, with the intent of defrauding someone else. The Westminster magistrates believe this covers preaching something which is false, in order to get someone to give money to your "church". The notion invites considerable debate over what's true and what isn't, and whether someone can be persuaded to contribute to a "church" by the power of preaching.

The magistrates have issued a summons requiring Thomas Spencer Monson, of Salt Lake City, to appear before to answer the charge of contravening Section 1 of the said act. Mr. Monson [Elder Monson? Reverend Monson? Ed.], age 86 [definitely "elder" then. Ed.] is the president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, better known to most of us as the Mormons.

According to The Telegraph, two former Mormons [kind of has a ring to it -- "former Mormons" -- if they were farmers they'd be "former farmer Mormons". Ed.] went to the Old Bill complaining that seven Mormon teachings were fraudulently presented to them as true, causing them to pay an annual tithe to the "church".

The teachings which Mormons believe, but which the magistrates charge are untrue, include:
- The Book of Mormon was translated from ancient gold plates by Joseph Smith, is the most correct book on earth, and is an ancient historical record
- All humans alive today are descended from just two people who lived approximately 6,000 years ago
- Native Americans are descended from an Israelite family which left Jerusalem in 600 B.C.
- The Book of Abraham is a literal translation of Egyptian papyri by Joseph Smith.
Click here to read all seven (allegedly) false teachings.

"Allegedly"... Walt uses the word on the advice of Agent 3, recognizing that there will undoubtedly be considerable argument as to whether the teachings are true or false. After all, just because South Park doubts the veracity of the Word according to Joseph Smith doesn't make Mr. Smith a false prophet...does it?

We must seriously consider attending the trial, if there is one. (Elder Monson might choose to ignore the summons, since it does not purport to be issued on behalf of God or even Her Britannic Majesty. Whatever happened to the old customary language?) Said trial, if there is one, will surely make the Scopes Monkey Trial look like... errr... a Sunday school picnic.

If there is a trial, the verdict will be awaited with considerable trepidation by countless televangelists and, dare we say it, priests and bishops of the One True Church. Suppose the Pope were proven wrong about something which he taught (not infallibly), for instance that you don't really have to be Catholic to be saved. Could we then claim a refund for all those Peter's Pence we've given over the years? Doesn't bear thinking about, does it...