UPDATED: The "Hawk Tuah" twins, separated at birth?

Camilla Tominey, Associate Editor of The Telegraph (UK) just dropped a great article headed "Kamala Harris is the Meghan Markle of American politics". If you click the link you'll find it's behind a firewall, so let me give you a couple of excerpts "for review purposes only" (nudge nudge wink wink).

...The penchant for spouting word salad; the slightly awkward misplaced laughter; the courting of chat show hosts; the celebrity iPhone moments; the loathing of Donald Trump; the unfortunate bullying allegations.... Meghan! Kamala Harris reminds me of the Duchess of Sussex. 

It has been suggested that Meghan one day dreamed of being the first mixed race, female President of the United States. Now Harris could beat her to it.... Meghan once actively sought out a relationship with Michelle and Barack Obama, now they are busily endorsing Harris’s presidency. (Was it just me or did that staged phone call between the Obamas and Harris have shades of Meghan telling Harry “Beyonce’s just texted”, just as the Netflix cameras were conveniently rolling?). 

And the rhetoric! Both Meghan and Kamala spout this sort of pseudo-spiritual psychobabble that sounds perfectly progressive but doesn’t always make that much sense. The Duchess once declared: “Reflecting on where I came from helps me to appreciate and balance what I have now.” But on reflection, might she have preferred to have come up with Harris’s now-infamous catchphrase: “What can be, unburdened by what has been”. 

Both women have spoken out in support of each other in the past. “Meghan, we are with you,” Harris tweeted when things were getting tough for the royal couple before Megxit. The Duchess, in turn, welcomed Harris’s nomination as vice president a year later. Meghan has not yet publicly endorsed Harris for president. But it can surely only be a matter of time.

UPDATE ADDED 29/7/24: About the headline... certain people who are not enamored of Heels-up Harris have dubbed her "the original 'Hawk Tuah' girl". The reference is to a remark made by Alec Lace, who used to be a regular on the Fox Business network. In a July 5th discussion on the future (if any) of the Democratic Party, Mr Lace suggested that Ms Harris ascended to power by sleeping her way to the top. 

"Kamala Harris — she’s the original ‘Hawk Tuah’ girl — that’s the way she got where she is. And the party's going downhill if it's in her hands," is what Mr Lace said. His comment refers to a viral TikTok clip in which one Haliey Welch was asked the question, "What’s one move in bed that makes a man go crazy every time?" Her answer (which Walt doesn't quite get) was "You gotta give `em that 'hawk tuah' and spit on that thang." Readers are invited to explain what she meant on the back of a postcard.

What's in a name?

The surprise (?) appearance of Meghan Markle at the memorial for the victims of the Uvalde school massacre -- see this morning's update to yesterday's post --  has the Internet ablaze with rumours that the Princess of Woke, tired of being a nobody, is planning a run for a high elected office in 2024.

How high would the office have to be to get Ms Markle to give up her position as Duchess of Sussex. Let's see... Governor of California? Not enough? How about President of the Excited States of America? Kamala Harris, who is poisesd to succeed Sleepy Joe Brandon, must be quaking in her boots to find a younger Person of Colour thinking of throwing her do-rag in the ring. 

It is said that Ms Markle has the Clintons and the Obamas behind her, so if she wants to go, she can rely on the power of their names. Names can mean a lot... or nothing at all... as Walt found reading "What's in a name?", a section of the "All-new True Facts 1985" issue of National Lampoon "the Humor Magazine for Adults", now on sale in our sponsor's Webstore. Here are just three of 20 True Names.

Jaguar Ferrari Tonniges, of Lincoln NE, named his newborn son Austin Healy Tonniges, carrying on a family tradition begun by his father, who named his children after his favorite sports cars. Besides Jaguar Ferrari, twenty-three, the elder Tonniges has two other children, Lancia Lemans, twenty-two, and Aston Martin, eighteen.

Dr Ngozi Aa-Anubiaimhotepokorohamz, of Raleigh NC, gave her newborn son eight thousand names, which she claims is a world's record. Reported the child's complete name will fill thirty-four single-spaced typewritten pages.

The baby's name will start with Dr Semaj (the first five letters of his names are "James" spelled backward), followed by the names of several world heads of state, a few historical names, some ancestral names, some names of people who might influence the child's life, and the mathematical term "pi". The baby's name begins with "Dr", the mother said, "to emphasize the importance of a name."

Aal-Anubiaimhotepokorohamz and her husband changed their names and those of their children three years ago. They used to be named McGirt.

A twenty-three-year-old man was arrested in London, England, for blocking traffic outside Parliament while he played the clarinet for twoo hundred fellow demonstrators. The demonstration was in opposition to the arrival of American nuclear weapons in Great Britain, explained Martin Felix Oddsocks McWeirdo El Tutti Fruiti Farto Hello Hippopotamus Bum.

Just in case you think they made this stuff up, each item has a citation. Truth is stranger (and often funnier) than fiction. If you decide to buy something from our sponsor's collection of National Lampoon mags and Doonesbury books, tell `em Walt sent ya!

UPDATED: Thoughts on the Uvalde massacre

Do not look here for witty comments on the massacre of nearly two dozen innocent people -- most of them children -- at Uvalde TX. Don't even expect a lengthy "think piece", as I have no questions that haven't already been asked, no solutions that haven't already been proffered. I have only these few thoughts....

25 years ago, in A Walk in the Woods, Bill Bryson asked what kind of world we live in where even park rangers carry service revolvers. Bill, that is not all the world, just the American part of it. The "gun culture" has become hard-wired into Americans. Many think, with some cause, that if everyone else has a gun, why should I be the only one unable to defend myself?

Park rangers carry sidearms, one supposes, because they are responsible for the safety of park users. They might need to shoot a bear or a rabid skunk... or a stalker who prowls the woods looking for innocents to rape or murder. (Bill Bryson writes of a double murder, still unsolved, in Shenandoah National Park.) By that reasoning, it may be that teachers, responsible as they are for the safety of their pupils, should carry guns. 

That thought has been expressed before. After Sandy Hook. After Columbine. These tragedies dramatize the question of gun control -- should there be more or less? -- which dominates political debate this week. 

The SJWs, Democrats and other liberals seize on the opportunity to express outrage and demonize conservatives, Republicans and other law-and-order types. So we have the disgraceful exhibition of Beto O'Rourke (D) interrupting the press conference of Texas Governor Greg Abbott (R) to score what can only be called a political "own goal". Shameful.

The anti-Trumpers, SJWS, BLMers etc are having a much harder time with this one than with the Buffalo massacre. They can't put it down to anti-black racism / white supremacy, because the shooter and victims were all (apparently) Hispanics. And the murderer wasn't an illegal alien either, so those arguing for or against amnesty have nothing to say.

But the loony left and t hose pushing the "diversity and inclusivity" agenda will keep trying. One of the more ridiculous appeals I've seen is that of Jaden Janak, a PhD candidate at the University of Texas and a junior fellow at the Center for Applied Transgender Studies. "These children and adults who were murdered yesterday were just living their lives," Mr/Ms/whatever Janak said yesterday. "They didn't know that yesterday was going to be their last day. And similarly, as trans people, that's a fear that we have all the time." Oh dear...

Enough politics. To close, I want to talk about the expressions of grief and other responses to this and just about every other similar incident. "Thoughts and prayers" is such a tired cliché, so overworked, that people (particularly politicians) seem to feel something further must be done to honour the dead, and show sympathy and support for the bereaved. 

"Taking a knee" is too political a statement. So we have the lowering of flags on public and private buildings even beyond the border of the US of A. (Agent 3 reports that this has been done at schools in a suburb of Toronto.) So often does this happen that it's becoming unusual to see flags flying at full staff. Upon seeing a flag at half-staff [not "half-mast". Ed.], people ask "Who's died now?" The gesture is now so commonplace as to be meaningless.

So also with the makeshift memorials of flowers, candles, balloons and teddybears which appear within hours at the site of any violent death, whether criminal or accidental. Putting a stuffed animal on the pile in front of the crime scene is nothing more than virtue-signalling, like placing a wreath on a war memorial.

What good do these "tributes" do for those who have died, or for their grieving families? Within a couple of days, the toys and flowers become nothing more than a pile of trash, to be removed under cover of night by the sanitation engineers. Wouldn't it be better to contribute to a GoFundMe appeal to help with funeral expenses, or a worthy charity which is trying to help heal our sick society? 

UPDATE ADDED 27/5/22: Canada's Global News reports that Meghan Markle, the Princess of Woke, yesterday visited the memorial site for the victims of the Uvalde school massacre. Dressed in attire appropriate to the occasion, she placed white flowers tied with a purple ribbon at a memorial outside the Uvalde County Courthouse. Mercifully, she refrained from making a speech. 

The Duchess of Sussex (her other title) lives in California with her husband Prince Hairy and their two mixed-race children. Further comment from me would be superfluous.

White Jewish girl says she didn't know she was racist until...

I don't like to think that any of our readers actually read the fake "news" squeezed in among the "sponsored" stories and other clickbait featured on Yahoo!'s landing page. Why would you even go there? So I imagine you won't have see this item...

   

The happily married lady in the picture is (((Genevieve Roth))), newly hired as a "strategist" by the Prince and Princess of Woke. According to the Yahoo! story, she claims "all white people are 'rife with internalised racism and unconscious bias.'" Unconscious bias... that's the worst kind, eh!

Ms Roth  [Is that her name or her husband's? Ed.] said she realised she was racis” after marrying her husband who is... well, no need to say it. "Race is an issue in our marriage because as a white woman of privilege, I have racist tendencies written in at a cellular level," she said. 

The comment echoes an observation made by Prince Hairy, who said his own upbringing and education meant he had been ignorant about the widespread nature of racism until he met Meghan Markle, who is... well, no need to say it.

Ms Roth's chief claim to fame is that she founded "Invisible Hand" -- a "female-led, diverse team" based in New York that is now advising the Royal Woke Couple's Archewell Foundation. And here we thought the Invisible Hand was another organization, with only a branch office in New York. Learn something every day.

Footnote: I wasn't sure how to describe (((Genevieve Rot))) other than as a "Jewish girl". My mother, who was born in the 19th century, used words like "Negress" and "Jewess", to describe singers like Mahalia Jackson and Ethel Merman. Later came the term "JAP" (look it up) to describe Barbra Streisand. I understand such terms are unacceptable nowadays.

Harry and Floozie take up residence in Canada

Harry Windsor, the celebrity formerly known as Prince, arrived in Canada on Monday to be at the side of Meghan Markle, the biracial actress(ish) and princess wannabe, and their son Archie. Here's a cartoon comment, scraped from Blazing Cat Fur.

The paparazzi are out in full force, camped outside the cast-iron gates (papered over from the inside with white cardboard) of the not-so-royal couple's rented mansion just outside Victoria BC. [They don't really live in a cabin in the pines, as in the cartoon. Only Walt does that! Ed.] One paparazzo snapped a photo of Meghan walking two dogs -- service animals, possibly -- along a nearby trail, being trailed (geddit?) by two plainclothes cops, one British and one a Mountie. Who is paying for the mansion, the cops, etc etc? Don't as Mr Socks. He has said only that he's talking to the Queen about that little problem.

Further reading: "More Than 80,000 Canadians Sign Petition Demanding Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Pay Their Own Way", Blazing Cat Fur, 22/1/20.

Harry and Meghan moving to Canada?

Last week, The Duke and Duchess of Sussex -- hereafter to be known simply as Harry Winsor and Meghan Markle -- sparked a crisis in the British monarchy by announcing they wanted to reduce their royal duties and spend more time in North America, while also becoming financially independent. Since Her Royal Hotness is not prepared to move back to the USA as long as Donald J. Trump is still President (which he is and will be for another five years!), they are looking at settling in The Great No-longer-white North, where Ms Markle, being biracial, will fit right in. They are pictured here about to enter Canada via the notorious hole in the World's Longest Undefended Border (TM) at Saint-Bernard-de-Lacolle, Québec.

Since Canucks are notorious cheapskates -- you can get a canoe to tip much easier than a Canadian! -- concerns are already being expressed about who's going to be on the hook for the D-list celebs' expenses, particularly security. Mustn't have another Diana-in-the-tunnel moment in one of Her Majesty's Dominions! Will Harry and Meghan's "employment" cover their living costs? Will Meghan find British Columbia (their intended destination) too cold and wet for her liking? Will she divorce Harry when it turns out he doesn't have the combination to the royal vault? Stay tuned!

"Royal baby" tweet - British are not amused

British DJ Danny Baker is the latest quasi-celebrity to run afoul of the PC police, and in this case the boyz in blue as well. Inspector Knacker of the Yard is investigating a tweet sent out by the BBC Radio 5 Live personality making a joke about Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor, the newly-born and newly-named son of Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex and Meghan Markle, the Duchess.

The tweet said, simply, "Royal baby leaves hospital", followed by a photo which the lamestream media won't publish, but have labelled "racist". Here's what all right-thinking people are objecting to.

Mr Baker's tweet was posted on Wednesday, May 8th, the same day the Duke and Duchess introduced their firstborn son to the public. Mr Baker says his tweet was not "racially motivated", but merely an ill-chosen pic lampooning the news cycle. He was immediately fired by the Beeb anyway.

Royal Family celebrates Prince Harry's wedding