True Names Dept + Why Walt went to London (Ontario)

Ed. here again. In my earlier post we left Walt and the South Park boys (Walt doesn't appear in the video) somewhere in Canada, after their City Airlines plane, piloted by Tuong Lu Kim, made an unscheduled landing. The boys wanted to see Canada's "new prime minister", Blackie McBlackface. Walt, however, wants to see what will happen to the forces of conservatism in today's general election in the province of Ontario.

Here at WWW we have a policy of not covering or commenting on regional -- state or provincial -- politics, unless there's some national or international issue involved. Walt insists the results of the Ontario election will show whether Ontarians, a pretty middle-of-the-road herd of sheep, are ready for real conservative politics and politicians.

The answer will have implications for the Conservative Party of Canada, which will in Sepotemnber choose yet another leader, from a slate of wannabes ranging from social conservative (Leslyn Lewis) to liberal (Jean Charest), with a pseudo-conservative (Pierre Poilievre) the current front-runner.

Ontarians are funny -- "funny curious", not "funny haha" -- in that they prefer having opposing parties in power federally and provincially. So it is that for the last century or so they send mostly Liberals to Ottawa and mostly Conservatives to the Pink Palace at Queen's Park in Toronto. The party known federallyn as "Conservative" is still called "Progressive Conservative" at the provincial level, and that oxymoron tells you all you need to know about the clever mugwumpery that has kept it in power for so long. As former premier "Brampton Billy" Davis used to say, "Bland works."

In 2017, after sitting on the wrong (read: opposition) side of the Ontario Legislature, the "Ontario PCs", as they now style themselves. to avoid using the dreaded C-word, chose a new leader, Doug Ford, who promised to move the party at least an RCH to the right of centre. 

He lied. Elected premier in 2018, he rode out the Covid "crisis" and other problems by the same old mix of big government, deficit financing and handouts to all and sundry, used by Liberal governments in Ottawa and (before Ford) in Toronto.

It worked. Mr Ford is now the odds-on favourite to be re-elected today, perhaps with an increased majority. The hapless Liberals (who lost official party status in 2018) are fighting it out with the socialistic Not-so-new Democrats for second place. 

Shown below, left to right are: Mr Ford, Liberal leader Steve DelDuca, the NDP's Andrea Horwath, and Mike Schreiner, leader of the Green Party. Mr Schreiner hopes to double his party's representation in the legislature from one (himself) to two. The other two are likely to lose their jobs and, in the case of Mr DelDuca, his own seat.  

This time, however, there are two new, seriously conservative -- socially as well as fiscally -- in the running. They are the Ontario Party, headed by Derek Sloan, and the New Blue Party (no kidding), led by Jim Karahelios. 

Both are disgruntled former "Conservative" MPs/MPPs, who feel (with reason) that real conservatives have been shut out of the traditional parties, betrayed by leaders like Mr Ford and former CPC leader Erin O'Tool, who campaigned from the right and governed from the centre-left. Both of the new parties are polling about 2%, just as Max Bernier's People's Party of Canada did on its first outing. 

Walt is in London (or somewhere near there), waiting to see if real conservatism has at last taken root in Canada's most populous (if not popular or populist) province.  

Well, I seem to have gone around the horn there, as Fred C. Dobbs would say. There's no room left for the True Names story I promised in the headline. I'll put that up later.

Walt is away

Ed. here. About 24 hours ago, Walt told me he was going to London, and I assumed he meant London, for the Grand Hoohah celebrating the 70th anniversary of the ascension of Queen Elizabeth II to the throne of Not-so-Great Britain, now known as the Disunited Kingdom. Her Imperial Majesty's Platinum Jubilee is being celebrated even as we speak. 

I'll give the Brits credit for one thing. They sure know how do to up a military marchpast. And the old girl tottered out onto the balcony of Buck House, along with her eldest boy, a real Charlie for sure, to take the salute. So we say: good on yer, Liz! We Wish you 70 more!

But I digest. Apparently Walt meant the London in Canada, not the real one. He got a deep discouont fare with City Airlines, and then this happened 

 

I'll explain the reason for Walt's trip in our next post.

Volodymyr Zelensky - survivor of survivors

In June of 1941, Hitler's Army began a rampage through Ukraine, razing towns, unleashing death squads, and massacring Jews by the hundreds of thousands. In one village in the Pale of Settlement, virtually the only region of the Soviet Empire in which Jews were permitted to reside, four Jewish brothers enlisted in the military, said goodbye to their parents, and walked off to fight the Nazis. 

By the war's end in 1945, only one of the brothers, named Semyon, was still alive. He returned to find that the Nazis had torched his entire village, burning his parents to death. Semyon's family was dead, and his beloved Ukraine was in ruins. 

The Nazis had murdered between 1.2 and 1.6 million Ukrainian Jews. Semyon married a fellow Ukrainian Jew who had survived the war by fleeing her city, in which the Nazis had killed 5,000 Jews. Two years later, in that same city, they had a son, Oleksandr, keeping alive the family line that the Nazis had brought a razor's width from extinction. 

Thirty-one years after that, Oleksandr had his own little boy. That boy was Volodymyr Zelensky, who grew up to become the President of independent, democratic Ukraine. 

Today, he leads his outmanned, outgunned, ferociously defiant nation against the onslaught of Russia. As Russia dashes itself against the will of his people, Zelensky, the survivor of survivors, summons the resilience of his ancestors. He does not bend. 

To Agent 5, Дякую тобі! Ed.

True stuff: Just when you thought "media English" couldn't get worse

Seen on Canada's Global News website.

Apostrophe errors are commonplace nowadays, but this is the first time I've seen this one. Guess they don't teach spelling in J-school any more... if they ever did.

What's in a name?

The surprise (?) appearance of Meghan Markle at the memorial for the victims of the Uvalde school massacre -- see this morning's update to yesterday's post --  has the Internet ablaze with rumours that the Princess of Woke, tired of being a nobody, is planning a run for a high elected office in 2024.

How high would the office have to be to get Ms Markle to give up her position as Duchess of Sussex. Let's see... Governor of California? Not enough? How about President of the Excited States of America? Kamala Harris, who is poisesd to succeed Sleepy Joe Brandon, must be quaking in her boots to find a younger Person of Colour thinking of throwing her do-rag in the ring. 

It is said that Ms Markle has the Clintons and the Obamas behind her, so if she wants to go, she can rely on the power of their names. Names can mean a lot... or nothing at all... as Walt found reading "What's in a name?", a section of the "All-new True Facts 1985" issue of National Lampoon "the Humor Magazine for Adults", now on sale in our sponsor's Webstore. Here are just three of 20 True Names.

Jaguar Ferrari Tonniges, of Lincoln NE, named his newborn son Austin Healy Tonniges, carrying on a family tradition begun by his father, who named his children after his favorite sports cars. Besides Jaguar Ferrari, twenty-three, the elder Tonniges has two other children, Lancia Lemans, twenty-two, and Aston Martin, eighteen.

Dr Ngozi Aa-Anubiaimhotepokorohamz, of Raleigh NC, gave her newborn son eight thousand names, which she claims is a world's record. Reported the child's complete name will fill thirty-four single-spaced typewritten pages.

The baby's name will start with Dr Semaj (the first five letters of his names are "James" spelled backward), followed by the names of several world heads of state, a few historical names, some ancestral names, some names of people who might influence the child's life, and the mathematical term "pi". The baby's name begins with "Dr", the mother said, "to emphasize the importance of a name."

Aal-Anubiaimhotepokorohamz and her husband changed their names and those of their children three years ago. They used to be named McGirt.

A twenty-three-year-old man was arrested in London, England, for blocking traffic outside Parliament while he played the clarinet for twoo hundred fellow demonstrators. The demonstration was in opposition to the arrival of American nuclear weapons in Great Britain, explained Martin Felix Oddsocks McWeirdo El Tutti Fruiti Farto Hello Hippopotamus Bum.

Just in case you think they made this stuff up, each item has a citation. Truth is stranger (and often funnier) than fiction. If you decide to buy something from our sponsor's collection of National Lampoon mags and Doonesbury books, tell `em Walt sent ya!

UPDATED: Thoughts on the Uvalde massacre

Do not look here for witty comments on the massacre of nearly two dozen innocent people -- most of them children -- at Uvalde TX. Don't even expect a lengthy "think piece", as I have no questions that haven't already been asked, no solutions that haven't already been proffered. I have only these few thoughts....

25 years ago, in A Walk in the Woods, Bill Bryson asked what kind of world we live in where even park rangers carry service revolvers. Bill, that is not all the world, just the American part of it. The "gun culture" has become hard-wired into Americans. Many think, with some cause, that if everyone else has a gun, why should I be the only one unable to defend myself?

Park rangers carry sidearms, one supposes, because they are responsible for the safety of park users. They might need to shoot a bear or a rabid skunk... or a stalker who prowls the woods looking for innocents to rape or murder. (Bill Bryson writes of a double murder, still unsolved, in Shenandoah National Park.) By that reasoning, it may be that teachers, responsible as they are for the safety of their pupils, should carry guns. 

That thought has been expressed before. After Sandy Hook. After Columbine. These tragedies dramatize the question of gun control -- should there be more or less? -- which dominates political debate this week. 

The SJWs, Democrats and other liberals seize on the opportunity to express outrage and demonize conservatives, Republicans and other law-and-order types. So we have the disgraceful exhibition of Beto O'Rourke (D) interrupting the press conference of Texas Governor Greg Abbott (R) to score what can only be called a political "own goal". Shameful.

The anti-Trumpers, SJWS, BLMers etc are having a much harder time with this one than with the Buffalo massacre. They can't put it down to anti-black racism / white supremacy, because the shooter and victims were all (apparently) Hispanics. And the murderer wasn't an illegal alien either, so those arguing for or against amnesty have nothing to say.

But the loony left and t hose pushing the "diversity and inclusivity" agenda will keep trying. One of the more ridiculous appeals I've seen is that of Jaden Janak, a PhD candidate at the University of Texas and a junior fellow at the Center for Applied Transgender Studies. "These children and adults who were murdered yesterday were just living their lives," Mr/Ms/whatever Janak said yesterday. "They didn't know that yesterday was going to be their last day. And similarly, as trans people, that's a fear that we have all the time." Oh dear...

Enough politics. To close, I want to talk about the expressions of grief and other responses to this and just about every other similar incident. "Thoughts and prayers" is such a tired cliché, so overworked, that people (particularly politicians) seem to feel something further must be done to honour the dead, and show sympathy and support for the bereaved. 

"Taking a knee" is too political a statement. So we have the lowering of flags on public and private buildings even beyond the border of the US of A. (Agent 3 reports that this has been done at schools in a suburb of Toronto.) So often does this happen that it's becoming unusual to see flags flying at full staff. Upon seeing a flag at half-staff [not "half-mast". Ed.], people ask "Who's died now?" The gesture is now so commonplace as to be meaningless.

So also with the makeshift memorials of flowers, candles, balloons and teddybears which appear within hours at the site of any violent death, whether criminal or accidental. Putting a stuffed animal on the pile in front of the crime scene is nothing more than virtue-signalling, like placing a wreath on a war memorial.

What good do these "tributes" do for those who have died, or for their grieving families? Within a couple of days, the toys and flowers become nothing more than a pile of trash, to be removed under cover of night by the sanitation engineers. Wouldn't it be better to contribute to a GoFundMe appeal to help with funeral expenses, or a worthy charity which is trying to help heal our sick society? 

UPDATE ADDED 27/5/22: Canada's Global News reports that Meghan Markle, the Princess of Woke, yesterday visited the memorial site for the victims of the Uvalde school massacre. Dressed in attire appropriate to the occasion, she placed white flowers tied with a purple ribbon at a memorial outside the Uvalde County Courthouse. Mercifully, she refrained from making a speech. 

The Duchess of Sussex (her other title) lives in California with her husband Prince Hairy and their two mixed-race children. Further comment from me would be superfluous.

True Facts Dept.: There are no more gypsy moths in Canada

If you live in, say, Oscoda County MI, and wake up to see one of the trees in your yard looking like this

what would you do? What would you do?! Why, call the Oscoda County Gypsy Moth Program, of course. They are conveniently located at 311 Morenci Ave, in beautiful downtown Mio MI [pronounced My-O-My? Ed.] and will come and raid the disgusting gypsy moths, to kill `em dead!

If, however, you live a few hundred miles to the east, on the other side of the World's Longest Uncontrolled Border, at the west end of Lake Ontario, your search for help with pest control will be fruitless. Unless, that is, you say you have an infestation of "spongy moths". Not "gypsy moths".

Officially, there are no gypsy moths in the Canada of King Justin the Woke. No more "gypsies" either. The word "gypsy" is offensive to the Roma people [not to be confused with "Romans". Ed.], so the decades-old Toronto police "gypsy squad" has been disbanded, and the other parasites, pictured, have been renamed.

This week, the City of Hamilton ON and the nearby Royal Botanical Gardens started an aerial spray to reduce the population of spongy moths in areas that are out of control. Spongy moths are an invasive species that feed on tree leaves and in some cases evergreen needles. They are controllable with a pesticide called BTK, which doesn’t fully remove the caterpillars, just regulates the population.

Private citizens can buy BTK at stores. Be sure to ask for it by name, so you don't get gypped buying an inferior product.