Having sex in your car on top of a cliff can earn you a Darwin Award

 The creators say: "The Darwin Awards honor those who tip chlorine into our gene pool, by accidentally removing their own DNA from it during the spectacular climax of a 'great idea' gone veddy, veddy wrong." Here's the sad story, in three pictures, of a Brazilian couple who deserve a join award, first class.

Meet 42-tear-old Adriana Machado Ribeiro, aged 42, and Marcone da Silva Cardoso, aged 27. A week ago they decided, after leaving a party, to have an intimate moment in a car parked at the top of

this scenic overlook in Venda Nova do Imigrante. Unfortunately for them, the ground there was very wet, especially at the top of a hang-gliding ramp, on which they parked. When the car started rockin'

it fell several hundred feet down the cliff, where it was located later that morning by a local caretaker. The pair's naked bodies were found at the base of a rock, while vehicle parts were scattered in the nearby vegetation.

A spokesthingy for the força policial told the meeja "There were no signs of violence at the scene or on the bodies, and the car’s handbrake was engaged. Residents reported hearing a loud noise between 1:30 a.m. and 2 a.m., but because it was dark and the vegetation was thick, no one saw anything at the time."

The cops concluded that the late couple's movements prompted the vehicle to teeter over the edge and fall. Good police work there, Lou! And a cautionary tale for all of us.

Darwin Award Gold Medal for 2024

May we have the envelope, please?... This year's highest Darwin Award goes, posthumously of course, to Lester C. Harvey, of Phenix, Virginia. Here is one of the last sights Mr Harvey saw before his death on December 9th.

The unfortunate incident unfolded as Mr Harvey and some friends were tracking a bear, which ran up a tree, as bears do. One of his friends then shot the animal, which fell on Mr Harvey, who had managed to live 58 years until that fatal moment.

A member of the hunting party rendered first aid before Mr Harvey was rushed to two different hospitals, neither of which was able to prevent nature from taking its course. 

According to the Virginia Department of Wildlife Resources, black bears are found throughout most of the state and have been located in at least 92 of Virginia's 98 counties and cities. 

The department says that it is illegal "to cripple, harm or dislodge a bear from a tree for the intent of continuing a hunt, chase, or for the purpose of training dogs." However, a spokesthingy told the local CBS affiliate, "the Department is not currently seeking any charges related to this incident."

Darwin Award (near miss): CT mom mistakes dynamite for candle

Coincidences abound. Just two days ago, in "'Allahu akbar!' (almost?) in Toronto", I passed along the sad story of a follower of the Prophet (a Canadian resident... or maybe not) who shot himself in the foot (literally) with an assault rifle he had stuffed in his pants when he went into a restaurant to order some takeout. Not even close to a Darwin Award, but funny all the same... except for the disturbing questions that sprang to my mind as I wrote.

Today one of our acidulous readers called my attention to an incident which occurred in Bridgeport CT just last night, fully deserving of a Darwin Award Honourable Mention (Near Miss). Local officials told the meeja that, during a power outage, an unnamed mother suffered severe injuries after lighting a "quarter stick of dynamite" which she mistook for a candle.

According to Fox News, the incident occurred after a thunderstorm in the area knocked out power and the family unsuccessfully attempted to buy emergency lighting from a Home Depot. A news release from the City of Bridgeport explained that "The family remembered that when they purchased their home two years ago, there were what they thought were candles left behind in the basement by the previous residents of the home. She attempted to light one of what she thought was a candle and turned out to be a quarter stick of dynamite."

Officials said the 30-year-old woman was ultimately transported to the hospital after getting "extreme" hand injuries and "serious" face injuries. She was the only one who was hurt during the "tragic accident". The Authorities (note the capital "A") decided not to file any charges because the incident seemed to have been unintentional and the family was unaware that what they had in their home were explosive devices.

"Allahu akbar!" (almost?) in Toronto

Every now and then Walt takes a quasi-sadistic delight in sharing a story about someone who kills himself/herself/zeself, or comes close, through sheer stupidity. Click on the "Darwin Awards" label and you'll find some cautionary tales. Today, Agent 3 sent in a report which caused a rheumy chuckle but didn't seem worthy of an award, since the idiot merely wounded himself. On reflection, though, there is a deeper import...

Toronto resident Abdihakim Saeed, aged 20, appeared in a local court this morning to be further dealt with according to the law on charges including possessing a loaded firearm knowing its serial number has been defaced, careless use of a firearm, dangerous operation of a motor vehicle, and failing to remain at the scene of an accident. Here is the firearm, an A&B Arms Aero Survival sawed-off rifle.

According to Inspector Knacker of the Toronto constabulary, Mr Saeed is one and the same as the man who entered a Scarborough restaurant around 1600 on Labour Day, supposedly to place a take-out order. While inside the restaurant, the man accidentally shot himself with the gun, which he had hidden in his pants. He then left the area in a vehicle and discarded the gun, which was recovered in a wooded area near Highland Creek. While fleeing the scene, the man was allegedly involved in a fail-to-remain collision. He then abandoned the vehicle and ran into a nearby house, where he was arrested.

Not worthy of a Darwin Award, but funny, no? Errr, not really. Let us ask ourselves why someone would be carrying -- in his pants, mind you -- a weapon of a type associated with terrorism, as he went into a restaurant on a busy holiday afternoon? Did he really mean only to order some takeout food? [Like what? A shawarma? Ed.] And what about Mr Saeed's religion and ethnicity? Would we be wrong to think he may be an Arab, and a follower of the Prophet? And how about his status in Canada? Does the word "refugee" spring to mind?

Further questions spring to mind but, mindful of M-103, Walt will let you, dear reader, figure them out. Notice that I didn't mention the phrase "Allahu akbar!"? Neither did the Toronto police.

Brit wearing "stab-proof" vest dies after stabbing himself

Darwin was right. It's the strongest and the smartest who will survive. I haven't checked the Darwin Awards website in some time, but Ed. had a look today and assures me that they haven't yet got this one, from a report in the Teesside Gazette, a rather obscure English newspapers. (That's "English" as in location, as well as language.)

The local coroner's court heard this week how, last summer, 22-year-old Jordan Easton bought himself what was advertised as a "stab-proof vest". Assistant Coroner Karin Welsh told the hearing that soon after getting it, while visiting with a friend, Mr Easton "took hold a knife to demonstrate [the vest] was stab-proof and sadly realized it wasn't the case."

Mr Easton was rushed to the hospital, where he died. Friends described him as a "one of a kind kid" with a "golden heart." His mother said in court that her son's stabbing himself was "out of character", and added she "can't absorb it."

The newspaper reported that while his injuries were self-inflicted, there was no evidence that Mr Easton purposely tried to harm himself. His death was ruled a "misadventure", which Ms Welsh said meant he died from consequences which were not intended. Indeed.

Walt nominates Texas woman for Darwin Award

Walt is happy to see that the Official Darwin Awards website is still up and running, although apparently not getting a lot of new stories of late. For the uninitiated, the Darwin Awards are given -- posthumously -- to unfortunately individuals whose stupidity and/or bad luck has resulted in their untimely demise, thus removing them from the gene pool. Here [as seen by Ed. today. Ed.] is an example.

Every girl who aspires to be a model should have in her portfolio a shot posed standing on a railway track. Right? The thing is, someone -- either the model or the photographer -- needs to keep an eye out for oncoming trains.

From Navasota TX (just down the road from Houston) comes the sad story of Fredzania Thompson, a 19-year-old Texas mother-to-be, killed when she was struck by a train last Friday while having photos taken on the tracks in a bid to launch a modelling career.

The last photo of Ms Thompson, shows her standing between two sets of tracks in Navasota when a BNSF Railway train approached. She moved out of the way of the train but was apparently unaware that a Union Pacific train was coming in the opposite direction on the other tracks. Ms Thompson was killed instantly. The photographer was unhurt. [Who directed this? Chuck Jones? Ed.]

Ms Thompson's mother, Hakamie Stevenson, told The Eagle newspaper that her daughter attended Blinn College in Bryan, Texas, but wanted to put her education on hold to begin modelling. Walt won't give in to the temptation to end the story, as Ms Thompson's career ended, with phrases like "on track" or "off the rails". RIP.

Double Darwin: couple falls to death while posing for holiday photo

This is Cabo da Roca, the westernmost point of Portugal, thus of Europe. Walt's Portuguese is a little rusty, but I believe the name means "Cape of Rocks". Very apt. And below the rocks is the Atlantic Ocean. Busloads of tourists visit this point every day, to have their pictures taken standing at the end of the civilized world.

You would have to be pretty stupid, though, to climb over the guardrails to get even closer to the brink, so as to have a more spectacular shot. But sure enough, a holidaying husband and wife -- estúpidos turistas, as they're known in Portuguese -- fell to their death on Saturday while posing right at the edge of the cliff, so their kids (ages 5 and 6) could take their picture.

According to the Portugal Resident, the couple fell about 450 feet to their deaths, as their children looked on in horror. Although the website says they were from Lisbon, other media have identified them as Polish. [No comments, please. Ed.] Their bodies have yet to be recovered.

Cabo da Roca is a famous spot for photo ops, and this is reportedly not the first time visitors have fallen to their death in similar circumstances. However, originality is not a criterion for Darwin Awards, and this couple richly deserves a Double Darwin.

Rap VIDEO shoot turns out to be just that!

That an "aspiring rap artist" nearly died of gunshot wounds is hardly news, but when the shooter turns out to be the shootee's bro, that's news! So here's this month's nomination for a Darwin Award (Honourable Mention).

Early last Saturday, a music video shoot at a Bronx bodega turned violent after one member of a rap duo reportedly opened fire on his partner, wounding him in the head, legs, and chest. According to the bodega's owner, the shooting was triggered by an argument over who was the video's star.

The owner of the store, one Ali Abdul [No relation to Apu Nahasapeemapetilon? Ed.] told the New York Daily News, "They were fighting over who's the star, who's better. They were drunk. They spit at each other then one guy pulled out a gun and shot the other guy five times."



Did you notice that the gunman never let go of his drink during the shooting? How cool is that! The video shows several cool witnesses casually stepping over the victim as he writhed on the floor in pain. The victim is in critical condition at a local hospital and is expected to survive. The shooter remains at large. He is described as black [that's enough description... Ed.]

Canuck cops, paramedics nominated for group Darwin Award

What you see here is the scene of a joint training exercise, held earlier today in Kanata ON, involving the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, the Ottawa Police Department, and a group of "tactical paramedics". The demonstration of "How to make a forced entry into a building" resulted in serious injuries to two of Ottawa's finest and one of the paramedics.

"Forced entries" are any entries that require more than a simple door-opening, of which all police officers are assumed to be capable. If that doesn't work, the "tactical units" -- SWAT teams, if you like -- could use a battering ram or a vehicle to force their way through a barrier. Or they could use a "controlled explosion"...if they knew how to control an explosion, which is what they were supposed to be learning today.

"Tactical paramedics" are trained, in events such as today's, for high-risk scenarios such as executing warrants, scenes where an active shooter is present, or dealing with a hostage-taking. Regular paramedics generally don’t go into these dangerous scenes until police have cleared the affected area, but tactical paramedics follow police in and quickly begin assessing the situation, dealing with injured people they encounter and administering aid.

To provide "a more real-life training experience", police seek out locations with abandoned buildings, such as the one shown, where the property owner allows them to play with fire, possibly in hopes of collecting an insurance settlement. Today's exercise got way too real, as an apparently uncontrolled explosion sent three paramedics and two cops to hospital.

Ottawa police Chief Charles Bordeleau said he couldn't comment on what might have caused the blast, since the training was being conducted under "very stringent safety protocols". The RCMP and Ottawa police are investigating each other, and the Ontario Special Investigations Unit has been called in to investigate the whole lot of them.

Until responsibility for the, errr, unfortunate accident has been properly apportioned, Walt has no choice but to nominate all participants, as a group, for a Darwin Awards Honourable Mention. Well done, those men!

Note to Agent 17: To qualify for a full Darwin Award (with bar), the surivor(s) of an incident such as this must be blown up again... and again... until dead.

VIDEO: We don't need gun control; we need IDIOT control

Here's a great compilation of firearms fails -- the results of mixing weapons and stupidity.



No candidates for Darwin Awards here, but that's more good luck than good management. Hope you noticed that they weren't all Americans... just the fat ones.

Thanks and a tip o' the toque to Agent 6.

Sex on train tracks thrilling but deadly

Does this look to you like a good place to have sex? Thrilling, maybe, but safe, definitely not! And yet a 30-something Ukrainian woman and her 41-year-old partner did just that, on the train tracks running through the middle of Kiev.

The pair had been walking home after a night out, this past weekend, when they felt the urge to have sex. "Returning from our friends', my girlfriend and I could not overcome our passionate nature and wanted to feel a sense of thrill near a railway track," the man reportedly told police in a statement. The cops confirmed that drink had been taken.

Caught by a train with their pants down, the amorous pair suffered dire consequences of giving in to their lust. The woman was killed instantly and the man has his legs amputated below the knee. The woman thus leaps to the top of the heap (of corpses) in the race for this year's Gold Darwin Award.

According to Ukraine's Ministry of Internal Affairs, in a release picked up by the International Business Times, police have opened a criminal probe over a potential safety violation. They did not say whether the person under investigation is the legless lover or the train driver. The latter has denied saying that he didn't give a hoot. "I did give a hoot -- two or three hoots, in fact," he told police, "but the couple just kept on f*cking."

[Is the asterisk part of the Ukrainian alphabet? Ed.]

How not to win at dodgebull

This amazing video features several bulls and numerous jackasses.



From it we learn two things. First, death or injury won't be any less painful if you're smoking a cigarette when it happens. Secondly, as we see in the final clip, if you're going to escape the horns of an enraged bull, it's better not to be wearing a belt.

Thanks to Agent 9, who must be wondering if these bull-dodgers went to confession beforehand. Or possibly afterwards, as in "Forgive me, Father, for I have acted foolishly."

Heart Attack Grill spokesman dies of... wait for it...

It was the fatty food -- meals weighing in (geddit?) at close to 10,000 calories -- that killed John Alleman, an unpaid and unofficial spokesman for the Heart Attack Grill, in Las Vegas.

Following the death in 2011 of the previous unofficial mascot, Blair "Gentle Giant" River, weight 575 pounds, Mr. Alleman, aged 52 and a mere 180 pounds, appointed himself chief meeter and greeter, standing outside the restaurant's doors every day to  say hello to the trencherpersons coming in to risk death by cholesterol.

The grill's owner told the Las Vegas Sun that Alleman's death isn't going to mean the demise of "Flatliner Fries" or what the restaurant says is the world's "most calorific burger." His policy, he said, is to let people be themselves. Which apparently means obese. "Over 350 lbs eats free", says the sign. Only in America.

Alleman succumbed to a heart attack while waiting for a bus. What else could it have been? Well, "Gentle Giant" River died of pneumonia. Farewell, then, to both of them. Hope they're not in a hell of rice crackers and undressed salads.

Footnote: Walt isn't sure if Mr. Alleman qualifies for a Darwin Award, since his death could be considered intentional. Still, eating oneself into an early grave is stupid, isn't it.

Query to readers: Walt recollects an episode of The Simpsons in which Homer tackles a giant steak, only to suffer a heart attack. Can anyone provide details?

When the train is in the station, please refrain from defecation

From its earliest days, the New York Times prided itself on publishing "all the news that's fit to print". That left any news that was unfit to print to the likes of the now-defunct Herald, the World (original sponsor of the World Series -- geddit?), and, in the 21st century, the New York Post. Here's an interesting item from today's Post.

As is generally known, New York subway cars are not equipped with bathrooms -- or "toilets", as such conveniences are known in most of the world. So being "caught short" can be a serious problem. Where can one find a suitable spot in which to answer the call of nature?

Maunce Dulcio, 31, of the Bronx, found out the hard way that squatting between two subway cars is not the answer. Dulcio, whom the NYPD described as having been "very intoxicated", won a Darwin award on Tuesday afternoon when he fell to the tracks while defecating. He was struck by a speeding train and died with his boots on, but his pants down.

The incident occurred in Manhattan, near the East 125th Street platform, only a few days after a transit workers' union issued literature telling subway operators to "slow down when entering stations."

POSTscript (Geddit?): The Times had the story too, but its version was kind of crappy.

Why Alex stuck a firecracker up his Aussiehole

It takes awhile for some of the news to reach Walt's cabin in the pines, especially if the news comes from the Antipodes [rhymes with "Auntie Rhodes". Ed.] Here's one that hasn't yet appeared in The Darwin Awards, but certainly deserves an honourable mention in the race to the bottom of the IQ chart.

Back last July, Australian bon vivant Alex Bowden, 23, decided to put a spinning "flying bee" winged firecracker in his butt crack, apparently as a star turn at a rather boisterous party. "I had a few lads up from Queensland and I had to put on a good show," he told the Northern Territory News from his hospital bed.

"I just had a few beers with the boys and let off a few firecrackers," Mr. Bowden continued, "and I put one in my arse."

Fortunately for him, he was wearing trousers at the time, otherwise the damage might have been considerably worse. "It didn't burn my balls or my back," he said, "just my fingers and my arse." The index, middle, and ring fingers of his right hand were burned when he pulled the cracker out of his crack.

Mr. Bowden was not bleeding afterwards, and was still able to walk. One of his mates -- not the one who lit the fuse but another drongo -- said, "He screamed a little bit and there were a fair few f-words".

But Mr. Bowden denied that there were tears. "You can't sit here crying," he told the NT News reporter. Indeed.

Yes, a Darwin Award must be given out, if only because of the location. Wagaman is a suburb of Darwin, in Australia's Northern Territory.

What?! Surely you don't think Walt is making this up! Here's the original report from the website of the Northern Territory News.

Note from Angry Ed.: We regret that we can't upload a pic of the fearless firecracker handler. Blogger wants to force us to put all our pix -- and even the pix that aren't ours! -- on Picasa, so they can use them for their own nefarious purposes. We will not do it! No pasaran! See following post (above).

"Sasquatch" sighted in Montana, but not in enough time to brake

Sure looks like a sasquatch, doesn't it? Or a yeti. Or an abominable snowman. But it's not. It's a man -- a human man -- dressed in a Ghillie camouflage suit. If you want one for your very own, click here. Tell `em Walt sent ya.

But, I hear you asking, what would I do with such an outfit? Well, you could wear it hunting the Taliban in Armpitistan or playing paintball or scaring small children on Hallowe'en. What you should not do, however, is stand at the side of a road pretending to be a sasquatch, in hopes of provoking motorists to call in a "sasquatch sighting".

I hear you asking (again), why not? Enough with the questions already. The answer is that the Ghillie suit is such effective camouflage that a motorist barrelling down a highway in Big Sky Country probably won't see you! That possibility seems not to have occurred to Randy Lee Tenley, formerly of Kalispell MT, dead at the young age of 44 after being struck by two (2) cars.

Flathead County cop Jim Schneider said his motives were ascertained during interviews with friends, and alcohol may have been a factor but investigators were awaiting tests.
"He was trying to make people think he was Sasquatch so people would call in a Sasquatch sighting," Trooper Schneider told the Daily Inter Lake on Monday. "You can’t make it up." Indeed.

Footnote: This is breaking news, not yet to be found on the Darwin Awards website. For more proof that human intelligence is an oxymoron, click here.

Footnote from Ed.: As nearly as I can recollect, this is the first time Walt has ever mentioned Montana in any context whatsoever. That's in spite of having a sixgun stuck in his face at Trout Creek many years ago. (Thought I didn't know about that eh.) If you hear of anything else noteworthy happening in Montana, please keep the news to yourself.

A Darwin Award true story: Wrong time, wrong place

The Darwin Awards were named in honour of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution. They commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it. Visit http://www.darwinawards.com/ to read amazing stories of utter stupidity resulting in sterilization or death. Here's a sample, from the "Vintage" section.

Just over twenty years ago, in Washington state, a complete novice decided to start a life of crime with a daring daylight holdup. His inexperience showed in what turned out to be terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms -- a gun shop.

2. The shop was full of customers -- firearms customers.

3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.

4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work.

Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup, and fired a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, covered by several customers who also drew their guns, thereby removing the confused criminal from the gene pool.

No one else was hurt.

Got a better story than that? Visit the Darwin Awards website and pass it on.

A bang-up 4th of July

On a slow day -- post-Olympic letdown -- let's have another tale of stupidity, courtesy of Darwin Awards.

Two co-workers decided to celebrate the 4th of July (2008) in their own special way. The plan? They loaded an old washing machine with tens of pounds of firecrackers, lit a fuse, dropped the lid, and ran...

Nothing happened. Twenty minutes later, they decided that the fuse was a dud and went back to try again.

Presumably neither was aware of the chemical friendship between oxygen and fire. As they lifted the lid the entire washer exploded, landing them both in the hospital for several days.

Shrapnel from the washer spread in a 25-ft radius, leaving a large crater in its wake. Considering the impact crater, each perpetrator suffered relatively minor wounds and burns.

Those who enjoy reading stories about morons becoming ex-morons due to carelessness or outright idiocy will enjoy the Darwin Awards website.

Just dying to go

Florida. A glorious April day in 2008. Traffic was moving slowly on southbound I-95. Shawn Montero had left a Pompano Beach bar with three friends, and now all four were stuck in traffic. As we all know, you don't buy beer, you just rent it. Shawn couldn't wait another moment to relieve himself. "I need to take a leak."

Traffic was deadlocked, so the waterlogged man climbed out, put his hand on the divider, and jumped over the low concrete wall... only to fall 65 feet to his death.
"He probably thought there was a road, but there wasn't," said a Fort Lauderdale police spokesman.

His mother shared her thoughts. "Shawn didn't do a whole lot for a living. He got along on his charm, just like his father."

Though his death was tragic, it proves the old adage. "Look before you leak!"

Seen on the Darwin Awards website. Check it out for more examples of egregious and usually fatal stupidity.