Montana Testicle Festival will not be revived this year

Walt regrets to advise that plans to restart the annual Testicle Festival, notorious for drinking, nudity, debauchery and tens of thousands of Rocky Mountain oysters, have come a cropper, due in part to concerns over holding a potential kung flu "super-spreader" event.

The festival ran at various locales in Montana for 35 years, ending with the 2017 event at Clinton, after two people were killed and seven injured when a man who had been kicked out of the event and put on a shuttle back to Missoula allegedly grabbed the wheel, causing the Jeep to roll. 

Over the years, the Testicle Festival generated more than its fair share of fights, drunken driving and fatal crashes. Captain Jim Kitchin of the Montana Highway Patrol was one of six troopers who responded to the fatal crash on the night of 5 August 2017. 

He told The Missoulian that from a traffic safety standpoint alone, he was glad when the proprietor of Rock Creek Lodge, where the festival was last held, had decided to pull the plug. "It saves my troopers a lot of heartache, not having to go out there and be pulling dead people off the road," he said. "I will applaud his decision not to do that anymore."

If Hellery wins, check out the Redoubt!

Last spring, as Donald Trump's nomination looked more and more probable, and his election victory a distinct possibility, American "progressives" were falling all over themselves to find a "Plan B". What they came up with was: Let's all move to Canada! Being typical Americans,k thus ignorant of life outside of the Continental 48, they did not realize that you can't just cross the border, buy some cheap land and settle in the Great Not-So-White North. Gavin McInnes of TheRebel.media tells it like it really is in "Advice on moving to Canada (in case Trump wins)", a great video posted on WWW 27/4/16.

Sadly, it appears now that it's not the gliberals but the real conservatives (as opposed to "cuckservatives") and libertarians who need a bolthole -- a place to hide when the Clinton shitstorm rains down on the USA come November 9th. The lamestream press are already burying The Donald with often fanciful reports of polls predicting a landslide for Hellery -- not the Big House but the White House. Where can a freedom-loving American go when the politically correct nanny statists gain control of every action, word and thought?

Don't even think about Canada! Not only are the Canucks kind of, errr, anti-American, but they're under the heel of pinkish federal and provincial governments (in Ontario and Alberta) that make the Obama administration seem like neo-Nazis! You can't even bring your gun across the border with you. As for immigrating permanently, you'll have to get in line behind 1000s of "refugees" and 10,000s of aging aunties and uncles from South Asia and the Middle East. Fugedaboudit!

But never fear! Walt has a viable alternative for you. Let me throw out some place names: Trout Creek MT, Priest River ID, Coeur d'Alene ID, Kalispell MT, Sand Point ID. Walt first visited those out-of-the-way places in 1974, at the height of the communist (= communal living), back-to-the-land movement. At that time, there was no-one there! Well, practically no-one apart from some aging hippies and a few hundred local residents who pretty much kept to themselves. Really to themselves, as in "Trespassers will be shot!"

Today, the hippies have gone back to California, and a large chunk of the Northwest -- western Montana, northern Idaho, and the far eastern fringes of Washington and maybe Oregon -- is pretty thinly populated. This picture gives some idea of why that may be.

The good news is that a lot of the people who are out there, amidst all that abundance, are the right kind of people, and I mean that in at least two ways! Some of them have come from the Rust Belt, the sinkhole that is Florida, and cuckooland California to settle in what James Wesley, Rawles -- yes, with the comma -- calls "the American Redoubt".

Mr Rawles is a former US Army Intelligence officer, technical writer and survivalist author. He's also the founder of SurvivalBlog.com. In "The Precepts of Rawlesian Survivalist Philosophy" (not as pretentious as it sounds), Mr Rawles explains the whys and hows of moving to America's last big frontier, the better to defend yourself from the hordes of thirsty, hungry, panicked sheeple who stream out of the ungovernable cities when the balloon goes up. "Because of SurvivalBlog," he writes, "we are part of something bigger: a virtual community of some of the most brilliant people that you could ever meet. Despite our differences, we all have an interest in preparedness."

Of course the election isn't over until the fat lady shrieks. But when it's dangerous in certain areas to identify yourself as a Trump supporter, you have to start pondering the "what ifs". If you don't want to "Be Prepared" like the gay Boy Scouts, then adopt the motto of the US Coast Guard: Semper Paratus!

Footnote: You don't have to live in or even renovate an old cabin like that, you know. It's possible to buy a plot of land in northern Idaho for $50,000 or less, tear down the old buildings (save the lumber for firewood), put down some gravel and plop down a prefabricated "skid house" which can be trucked right to your lot. No permit required! What are you waiting for?

"Sasquatch" sighted in Montana, but not in enough time to brake

Sure looks like a sasquatch, doesn't it? Or a yeti. Or an abominable snowman. But it's not. It's a man -- a human man -- dressed in a Ghillie camouflage suit. If you want one for your very own, click here. Tell `em Walt sent ya.

But, I hear you asking, what would I do with such an outfit? Well, you could wear it hunting the Taliban in Armpitistan or playing paintball or scaring small children on Hallowe'en. What you should not do, however, is stand at the side of a road pretending to be a sasquatch, in hopes of provoking motorists to call in a "sasquatch sighting".

I hear you asking (again), why not? Enough with the questions already. The answer is that the Ghillie suit is such effective camouflage that a motorist barrelling down a highway in Big Sky Country probably won't see you! That possibility seems not to have occurred to Randy Lee Tenley, formerly of Kalispell MT, dead at the young age of 44 after being struck by two (2) cars.

Flathead County cop Jim Schneider said his motives were ascertained during interviews with friends, and alcohol may have been a factor but investigators were awaiting tests.
"He was trying to make people think he was Sasquatch so people would call in a Sasquatch sighting," Trooper Schneider told the Daily Inter Lake on Monday. "You can’t make it up." Indeed.

Footnote: This is breaking news, not yet to be found on the Darwin Awards website. For more proof that human intelligence is an oxymoron, click here.

Footnote from Ed.: As nearly as I can recollect, this is the first time Walt has ever mentioned Montana in any context whatsoever. That's in spite of having a sixgun stuck in his face at Trout Creek many years ago. (Thought I didn't know about that eh.) If you hear of anything else noteworthy happening in Montana, please keep the news to yourself.