Father Duffy had been in the same parish for 22 years and was due to retire to an obscure parish in the most remote part of the archdiocese. The parish chapter of the Knights of Columbus decided to host a farewell dinner for him, and invited a leading local politician -- a member of the parish and a Knight -- to make a presentation and give a little speech.
Unfortunately, the politician was delayed, so Father Duffy decided to say a few words of his own while they waited.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it.
"He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss’s wife, had sex with his boss’s 17-year-old daughter on numerous occasions, taken illegal drugs, had several homosexual affairs, was arrested several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister.
"I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things. But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived, full of apologies at being late. He immediately rose to make the presentation and give his talk.
"I’ll never forget the day of Father Duffy's arrival," he began. "In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession."
Agent 6, who passes this along -- thank you! -- tells us that the moral of the story is: never, never be late!
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Petition to FIFA to take 2018 World Cup away from Russia
Mrs Agent 5 has sent us a message saying that, in support of the Ukrainian people and for world peace, she has signed the following petition to Joseph Sepp Blatter, President of FIFA:
"Russia has invaded a foreign country, Ukraine, with the pretext of protecting its foreign nationals. This was the very same reason that Adolf Hitler used to invade Czechoslovakia which started World War II. To protest this violation of international law I believe we should petition FIFA to move the 2018 World Cup to another country and give Ukraine host status as a show of support."
Please sign this petition, she asks, and circulate it far and wide. Walt doesn't give two hoots about football or soccer -- what kind of "sport" is it where you can't use your hands? -- and thinks the petition has two chances of success -- slim and none -- but has signed it anyway, in solidarity with the Ukrainian people! Please do the same!
"Russia has invaded a foreign country, Ukraine, with the pretext of protecting its foreign nationals. This was the very same reason that Adolf Hitler used to invade Czechoslovakia which started World War II. To protest this violation of international law I believe we should petition FIFA to move the 2018 World Cup to another country and give Ukraine host status as a show of support."
Please sign this petition, she asks, and circulate it far and wide. Walt doesn't give two hoots about football or soccer -- what kind of "sport" is it where you can't use your hands? -- and thinks the petition has two chances of success -- slim and none -- but has signed it anyway, in solidarity with the Ukrainian people! Please do the same!
Announcing Walt's Gay 90s Theme Park
Walt has another brilliant idea, the latest in a long string. Yes, it's Walt Whiteman's GAY 90s THEME PARK, opening soon [too soon. Ed.] in a neighbourhood near [too near. Ed.] you. Here are just a few of the attractions guaranteed to titillate and delight all members of the LGBTQ community.
Judy Garland Theater - You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll simply swoon when you see shows themed on "Cabaret", "Some Like It Hot" and "Judy's Greatest Hits".
Camp Itup Adventure - Visitors don cute little shorts and Boy Scout hats for a walk in the woods with Big Gay Al. For the big finish, everyone sits in a circle while Al ghost stories that will scare your pants off.
Back Tunnel of Love - [Ed., please get an artist to work up an illustration of the entrance.]
Petting Zoo - Featuring lots of adorable woolly sheep. Are they rams or ewes? Play the guessing game and find out.
Confessional Capers - Priests [actors dressed as priests, surely! Ed.] will help you pour out your guilt. Heavy penance, including self-flagellation, for those who beg for it.
HIV Fantastic Voyage - Ride in a giant HIV virus through the bloodstream and lymphatic system, dodging the dreaded antiretrovirals, until you emerge in the middle of a colourful carcinoma.
Simply Spectacular Pride Parade - The highlight of your gay day! Don't just watch, but march along with our Champions of Diversity and celebrity marshals. [Ed., did Wynne, Baird or Kenney respond to our invitations?] Colourful beads and squirt guns for all marchers (fluids not included); posing pouches available in a rainbow of colours.
Dear gay friends, that's just a sampling! More thrilling attractions are in the pipeline even as I write. To get your FREE brochure just send a picture postcard to Walt at the usual address. It's gonna be so super to see you!
Judy Garland Theater - You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll simply swoon when you see shows themed on "Cabaret", "Some Like It Hot" and "Judy's Greatest Hits".Camp Itup Adventure - Visitors don cute little shorts and Boy Scout hats for a walk in the woods with Big Gay Al. For the big finish, everyone sits in a circle while Al ghost stories that will scare your pants off.
Back Tunnel of Love - [Ed., please get an artist to work up an illustration of the entrance.]
Petting Zoo - Featuring lots of adorable woolly sheep. Are they rams or ewes? Play the guessing game and find out.
Confessional Capers - Priests [actors dressed as priests, surely! Ed.] will help you pour out your guilt. Heavy penance, including self-flagellation, for those who beg for it.
HIV Fantastic Voyage - Ride in a giant HIV virus through the bloodstream and lymphatic system, dodging the dreaded antiretrovirals, until you emerge in the middle of a colourful carcinoma.
Simply Spectacular Pride Parade - The highlight of your gay day! Don't just watch, but march along with our Champions of Diversity and celebrity marshals. [Ed., did Wynne, Baird or Kenney respond to our invitations?] Colourful beads and squirt guns for all marchers (fluids not included); posing pouches available in a rainbow of colours.
Dear gay friends, that's just a sampling! More thrilling attractions are in the pipeline even as I write. To get your FREE brochure just send a picture postcard to Walt at the usual address. It's gonna be so super to see you!
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Don't miss this thriller, starring the Prez!
This photo was lifted (shamelessly!) from People of Walmart, one of Walt's all-time favourite websites. Most of the pix -- 1642 pages of them -- on the site are pictures of ugly and obese Americans in various states of dress/undress, doing things which are questionable if not downright disgusting. But if you've ever shopped at a Walmart [and who hasn't? Ed.] you know this stuff is real.
6 fundamental questions about immigration
Immigration -- legal and illegal -- and the backlash against it continues to make news in the ABC countries: America, Britain and Canada. [And don't forget Australia! Ed.] For decades now, popular opinion in all four countries -- OK, Ed.? -- as well as all of Europe is overwhelmingly against continuing to allow 1000s and 1000s of illiterate, unskilled, unwashed Third World migrants to head straight from wherever they land to the welfare office. But do our political "leaders" listen? NO!
The politicians keep telling us that immigration is good! Immigrants don't steal jobs, we're told; they create jobs. And they prevent the hollowing-out of our city cores. And they bring us the benefits of multiculturalism and diversity, not to mention ideas about how our decadent society can be improved...by imposing Sharia law, for instance. Those of us who stand up and holler "BULLSHIT!" are branded cold-hearted racists.
And yet, to the consternation of progressive thinkers and the lamestream media, people are daring to ask questions. We're not getting answers, but at least the questions are being asked. Here, in Walt's paraphrase, are some root-and-branch questions written way back in 1992 by Daniel Stoffman, a Canadian journalist, as quoted and expanded on in Nationalism Without Walls, by Richard Gwyn(McClelland & Stewart, 1995).*
- Are newcomers actually bringing with them the kinds of talents and skills the country needs?
- If so, why is the intake comprised largely of "self-selected" immigrants who do not speak our language(s) nor command more than minimal education or skills?
- Does our country any longer actually need more people to fill up its empty spaces?
- What is immigration actually for?
- Is it really any longer in the control of the authorities when so many immigrants are "self-selected"?
And the most fundamental question of all:
- Has an immigration policy for our country somehow got turned topsy-turvy into an immigration policy for immigrants?
Walt suggests that you print out those questions and keep them handy. It won't be long until a politician, or his/her minion, comes knocking at your door, looking for your vote. Demand answers!
* Footnote and recommendation: This is the second time this week Walt has mentioned Nationalism Without Walls. The book was written by a Canadian for Canadians. Readers in America, Australia and Britain can skip over the sections about Québec and the threat of separatism (now greatly diminished) but should find the chapters on the pitfalls of official multiculturalism and massive immigration hugely relevant, even more so now than when they were written. Walt recommends it unreservedly.
The politicians keep telling us that immigration is good! Immigrants don't steal jobs, we're told; they create jobs. And they prevent the hollowing-out of our city cores. And they bring us the benefits of multiculturalism and diversity, not to mention ideas about how our decadent society can be improved...by imposing Sharia law, for instance. Those of us who stand up and holler "BULLSHIT!" are branded cold-hearted racists.
And yet, to the consternation of progressive thinkers and the lamestream media, people are daring to ask questions. We're not getting answers, but at least the questions are being asked. Here, in Walt's paraphrase, are some root-and-branch questions written way back in 1992 by Daniel Stoffman, a Canadian journalist, as quoted and expanded on in Nationalism Without Walls, by Richard Gwyn(McClelland & Stewart, 1995).*
- Are newcomers actually bringing with them the kinds of talents and skills the country needs?
- If so, why is the intake comprised largely of "self-selected" immigrants who do not speak our language(s) nor command more than minimal education or skills?
- Does our country any longer actually need more people to fill up its empty spaces?
- What is immigration actually for?
- Is it really any longer in the control of the authorities when so many immigrants are "self-selected"?
And the most fundamental question of all:
- Has an immigration policy for our country somehow got turned topsy-turvy into an immigration policy for immigrants?
Walt suggests that you print out those questions and keep them handy. It won't be long until a politician, or his/her minion, comes knocking at your door, looking for your vote. Demand answers!
* Footnote and recommendation: This is the second time this week Walt has mentioned Nationalism Without Walls. The book was written by a Canadian for Canadians. Readers in America, Australia and Britain can skip over the sections about Québec and the threat of separatism (now greatly diminished) but should find the chapters on the pitfalls of official multiculturalism and massive immigration hugely relevant, even more so now than when they were written. Walt recommends it unreservedly.
Monday, July 28, 2014
69 years later
Someone sent us a chain e-mail being circulated on the Internet by "friends of Israel" and others being taken in by the pro-Israel spewings of Jewish propaganda machine ["mainstream press", surely! Ed.] It begs us to make sure the world never forgets the Holocaust, and to pass it on so that it reaches 40 million people.
NO. Walt will not be passing it on, and will not even say "sorry".
As regards the massacre unfolding in Gaza, I have no sympathy for Hamas, and even less for the Israelis. Israel was created by the United Nations because the Western nations felt guilty about the Holocaust, so decided to give the Jews their "promised land". But of course they didn't give away their land. No. Instead they took some land from poor ignorant Arabs -- the Palestinians -- and said, hey, you have to share this with the Jews because they used to live here before they got smart and moved to Europe, besides which "we" owe them...for the Holocaust, you know.
Have you ever tried sharing anything with a Jew? The Jews occupied the best parts of the territory they were given, then, not satisfied, occupied the West Bank, the Golan Heights, Gaza and the Sinai peninsula during the Six Day War of 1967. About 90 seconds after moving into the Sinai, they discovered there was nothing there but sand, so gave it back to the Egyptians.
Richard Gwyn tells us, in Nationalism Without Walls (McClelland and Stewart, 1995) that there are two kinds of "nations". One is a "state nation", in which the rights and responsibilities of citizenship are extended, more or less, equally, to all citizens regardless of colour, ethnicity, creed (etc etc). Almost all of the countries of North America and Europe [and Australasia! Ed.] fit that definition.
The other kind is the "ethnic nation", which is composed of people of a certain ethnicity/colour/creed, and in which people not of that ethnicity/colour/creed are second-class citizens in fact if not in law. The ethnic nation may exist only in the minds of its people (like Québec), or it may have sovereignty over a defined piece of territory... like Israel. No matter what the UN may have intended, Israel is the land of the Jews, not the Muslim Palestinians, just as Pakistan is the land of Muslims, not Hindus or Christians.
When Iran calls Israel "the Zionist entity", it is stating a fact which gets ignored in all the breast-beating and hand-wringing over Western liberal guilt about the Holocaust, and Israel's "right" to defend itself and its "promised land". The Jews tell us that God gave Israel to them -- just them -- but apparently He didn't make a very good job of it, so now it's their right to "defend" it. And if a few hundred Muslim civilians get taken out, well, that's because they won't get out of the way.
Walt wishes the Jewish propaganda machine -- read "lamestream media" -- would spare us these endless appeals to guilt and the culture of the victim. The body count, last time I looked, was about 20 to 1. That's 20 dead Palestinian Muslims (mostly civilians) for every dead Israeli Jew (mostly soldiers). If there's a Holocaust to be remembered, it's the one going on in Gaza right now.
NO. Walt will not be passing it on, and will not even say "sorry".
As regards the massacre unfolding in Gaza, I have no sympathy for Hamas, and even less for the Israelis. Israel was created by the United Nations because the Western nations felt guilty about the Holocaust, so decided to give the Jews their "promised land". But of course they didn't give away their land. No. Instead they took some land from poor ignorant Arabs -- the Palestinians -- and said, hey, you have to share this with the Jews because they used to live here before they got smart and moved to Europe, besides which "we" owe them...for the Holocaust, you know.
Have you ever tried sharing anything with a Jew? The Jews occupied the best parts of the territory they were given, then, not satisfied, occupied the West Bank, the Golan Heights, Gaza and the Sinai peninsula during the Six Day War of 1967. About 90 seconds after moving into the Sinai, they discovered there was nothing there but sand, so gave it back to the Egyptians.
Richard Gwyn tells us, in Nationalism Without Walls (McClelland and Stewart, 1995) that there are two kinds of "nations". One is a "state nation", in which the rights and responsibilities of citizenship are extended, more or less, equally, to all citizens regardless of colour, ethnicity, creed (etc etc). Almost all of the countries of North America and Europe [and Australasia! Ed.] fit that definition.
The other kind is the "ethnic nation", which is composed of people of a certain ethnicity/colour/creed, and in which people not of that ethnicity/colour/creed are second-class citizens in fact if not in law. The ethnic nation may exist only in the minds of its people (like Québec), or it may have sovereignty over a defined piece of territory... like Israel. No matter what the UN may have intended, Israel is the land of the Jews, not the Muslim Palestinians, just as Pakistan is the land of Muslims, not Hindus or Christians.
When Iran calls Israel "the Zionist entity", it is stating a fact which gets ignored in all the breast-beating and hand-wringing over Western liberal guilt about the Holocaust, and Israel's "right" to defend itself and its "promised land". The Jews tell us that God gave Israel to them -- just them -- but apparently He didn't make a very good job of it, so now it's their right to "defend" it. And if a few hundred Muslim civilians get taken out, well, that's because they won't get out of the way.
Walt wishes the Jewish propaganda machine -- read "lamestream media" -- would spare us these endless appeals to guilt and the culture of the victim. The body count, last time I looked, was about 20 to 1. That's 20 dead Palestinian Muslims (mostly civilians) for every dead Israeli Jew (mostly soldiers). If there's a Holocaust to be remembered, it's the one going on in Gaza right now.
VIDEO: Woman NOT eating raw bird on Montréal subway
The Internet is a wonderful thing -- a great way to disseminate misinformation around the world in a millisecond. Nowhere is this more amply demonstrated than on YouTube, where things are seldom what they seem. ["Skim milk masquerades as cream..." I know that one. Ed.] Here is what the YouTube caption describes as a "woman plucking and eating a live bird" on the Montréal Métro (subway).
To set the record straight... Yes, it is a woman. She has bravely come forward and identified herself as Christina David, an Inuk -- "Eskimo" is not longer PC -- and former resident of Nunavik, in the far reaches of the Great White North. And yes, she is plucking a large bird -- a goose her aunt brought her from home. But that's as far as it goes.
The goose had already been killed. And Ms David did not eat it on the subway train. She was just making good use of her time while taking the bird home to be cooked. On Facebook she explained: "I couldn't wait. I only had one this year it's not like we get to eat our country food everyday it's very very rare that we can eat like we usually do up North. But I didn't care. I was just...enjoying [it] and on top of it I couldn't wait to go home so I can put it on the big pan with onions and mushrooms."
After the YouTube video went viral, Ms David had her collar felt by the local gendarmes, and was made to appear in provincial court on Thursday last. But she stood by her actions. "I will never ever forget anything. I will always be a real Inuk for ever 'til I'm gone," she wrote on FB.
Walt says good for her, and shame on people who take and post cellphone vids which, through malice or (more likely) ignorance, they totally misrepresent. To whoever took this one, Walt says, mind your own business!
To set the record straight... Yes, it is a woman. She has bravely come forward and identified herself as Christina David, an Inuk -- "Eskimo" is not longer PC -- and former resident of Nunavik, in the far reaches of the Great White North. And yes, she is plucking a large bird -- a goose her aunt brought her from home. But that's as far as it goes.
The goose had already been killed. And Ms David did not eat it on the subway train. She was just making good use of her time while taking the bird home to be cooked. On Facebook she explained: "I couldn't wait. I only had one this year it's not like we get to eat our country food everyday it's very very rare that we can eat like we usually do up North. But I didn't care. I was just...enjoying [it] and on top of it I couldn't wait to go home so I can put it on the big pan with onions and mushrooms."
After the YouTube video went viral, Ms David had her collar felt by the local gendarmes, and was made to appear in provincial court on Thursday last. But she stood by her actions. "I will never ever forget anything. I will always be a real Inuk for ever 'til I'm gone," she wrote on FB.
Walt says good for her, and shame on people who take and post cellphone vids which, through malice or (more likely) ignorance, they totally misrepresent. To whoever took this one, Walt says, mind your own business!
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