What happened when Pope Francis drove his own car

Some people think I've been a bit hard on Pope Francis lately, to which I say "not without cause". As a reminder to lighten up, once in a while, Agent 71 has sent us a little story about the Holy Father, along with the little prayer that follows, for which much thanks.

After getting all of Pope Francis's luggage loaded into his new (and humble) car, the driver saw the Holy Father still standing in the courtyard. "Excuse me, Your Holiness," said the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave? You mustn't miss your plane!"

"Well, to tell you the truth," said the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican , and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry, Your Holiness," protested the driver, "but I can't let you do that. What if something should happen? I'd lose my job!"
"Who's going to tell?" replied the Pope, with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver got in the back as the Pope climbed in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regretted his decision when, after exiting the Vatican, the Pontiff floored it, accelerating the tiny vehicle to its top speed!
"Please slow down, Your Holiness," pleaded the worried driver, but the Pope kept the pedal to the metal until they heard sirens.
"Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license," the driver moaned, "and my job!"

The Pope pulled over and rolled down the window as the cop approached, but the cop just glanced at him, then went back to his motorcycle, and got on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he said to the dispatcher.
The Chief got on the radio and the cop told him that he'd stopped an undersized limo going hearly 200 kilometres an hour.
"So bust him," said the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that," said the motorcycle cop. "He's really important!"
"All the more reason!", exclaimed his boss.
'No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, "Who do you have there, the mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "A senator?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "The President?"
Cop: " Even bigger!"

"Well," said the Chief, "who is it? Who could be bigger than the President?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
"Oh go on!", replied the Chief, now really puzzled. "What makes you think it's God?"
Cop: "His chauffeur is the Pope!"

Give me a sense of humour, Lord, 

Give me the grace to see a joke, 

To get some humour out of life, 

And pass it on to other folk.

VIDEO: Getting down at the Synod - satire by John Vennari

Perhaps, gentle reader, you've forgotten the scandalous Synod of Bishops which unfolded in Rome last fall. If only we (those of us who hold to the Faith of Our Fathers) could forget! This was the "Synod on the Family" at which Pope Francis and his liberal fellow bishops tried to push through changes in the law of the Church which would make it more welcoming to the LGBT crowd.

They also proposed admitting divorced and remarried Catholics -- objectively living in sin -- to Holy Communion. Understandable though that idea may be from a humanitarian viewpoint, it would fly in the face of the Church's dogma on marriage, based on the teachings of Jesus Christ Himself.

For details and comments, see "Catholic bishops say "interim report" asking Church to welcome homosexuals grossly misrepresented by pro-LGBT media" and "Even a liberal Cardinal calls pro-LGBT Synod report 'worthless'".

In spite of a lot of arm-twisting by the Pope, Cardinal Kasper and other misguided bishops, the proposals to change the unchangeable Dogma of the Church were rejected. But stay tuned, because the modernists -- dare I say heretics! -- in the upper echelons of the Church will bring these novelties back again... and again and again until they succeeded in making Holy Mother Church conform to the wishes of the secular humanists who dominate our formerly Christian Western world.

Next time these ideas come up for discussion, you might refresh your memory by reference to a little satire composed, played and sung by Walt's old friend, John Vennari. Here it is.

Be careful when betting the horses with a priest

An inveterate fan of the Sport of Kings was at the races playing the ponies and after three races had all but lost his shirt. Just before the start of the 4th, he noticed a priest step out onto the track. The priest walked over to the starting gate, and blessed the forehead of one of the horses. Lo and behold, that horse - a long shot - won the race!

Next race, as the horses lined up, the priest stepped onto the track again, and, sure enough, blessed one of the horses. The punter made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small wager on the horse the priest had blessed. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race.

The gambler collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless next. He bet big on it, and won.

As the races continued the priest kept blessing horses, and each one ended up winning. The bettor was elated! He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

Just as before, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race, walked over to the starting gate, and blessed the forehead of an ancient pony that was 100/1. This time, though, the priest blessed not just the forehead, but also the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. "Wow!", thought the gambler, "This one's a winner for sure!" and he bet every cent he had on it.

Imagine his consternation when the old nag pulled up lame at the 3/4 pole and couldn't even finish the race. In a state of shock, the bettor went looking for the priest, and found him headed for the stables. Confronting him, the dejected gambler demanded,"Father! I bet every cent I had on that horse! All day long, you blessed horses, and they all won, except that one! What happened?"

The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. "My son," he asked, "Would I be right in thinking you're not Catholic?"

"No," the man replied. "I'm Jewish."

"Well, that's the problem," said the priest. "Not being Catholic, you couldn't tell the difference between a blessing and last rites!"

Thanks and a big Hiya, Leah! to Agent 6.

Waiting for Pope Francis's encyclical on climate change

Thanks to John Vennari, editor of Catholic Family News, for publishing a picture that's worth several thousand of Walt's words.

Father Duffy's retirement speech

Father Duffy had been in the same parish for 22 years and was due to retire to an obscure parish in the most remote part of the archdiocese. The parish chapter of the Knights of Columbus decided to host a farewell dinner for him, and invited a leading local politician -- a member of the parish and a Knight -- to make a presentation and give a little speech.

Unfortunately, the politician was delayed, so Father Duffy decided to say a few words of his own while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it.

"He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss’s wife, had sex with his boss’s 17-year-old daughter on numerous occasions, taken illegal drugs, had several homosexual affairs, was arrested several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister.

"I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things. But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived, full of apologies at being late. He immediately rose to make the presentation and give his talk.

"I’ll never forget the day of Father Duffy's arrival," he began. "In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession."

Agent 6, who passes this along -- thank you! -- tells us that the moral of the story is: never, never be late!

Seen at the Vatican?

I wouldn't be surprised if this was PhotoShopped. But who am I to judge?
Thanks and a tip of the biretta to Agent 36.