Duffy's back! SUE-EE, SUE-EE, SUE-EE, PIGPIGPIG!!!

Good thing Ed. kept those file photos of the Honourable Senator Michael Duffy, Senator from Kanata. Having been found "not guilty" -- God knows how -- of 31 criminal charges of bribery, fraud, sloppy bookkeeping and general mopery, the erstwhile Conservative [ex-Conservative? Ed.] Senator from Kanata [Prince Edward Island, shurely. Ed.] has returned to the eye of the Canadian public with... and for... a vengeance.

Following what he likes to think was his vindication in April of 2016, the poster boy for greed returned to the trough [Canadian Senate, shurely. Ed.] and held out his sausage-like fingers for payment of his back pay, restoration of his pension, which he got, and whatever compensation the abashed senators would give him, which turned out to be none, nada, zero. Not only that, but he had to repay a paltry sum, a few thousand beaverbucks, for the expenses which his secretary [LMAO. Ed.] had wrongly claimed on his behalf.

It was obvious to all that the day would come when the Dishonourable Senator would get his revenge. The only question was when the size 12 shoe would drop. Yesterday turned out to be D-day, as in "D for Damages". Mr Puffy's lawyer, (((Lawrence Greenspon))) announced that he has filed a statement of claim in which the much-maligned senator is suing the Senate as well as the Attorney-General of Canada for a total of C$7.8 million (over $6 million in real money): $6.5 million in general damages, $300,000 for lost income and benefits and $1 million in punitive damages.

"General damages for what?", Canadian taxpayers want to know. For loss of enjoyment of life, loss of reputation (!!!), and mental and physical pain and suffering, says Attorney Greenspon. Specifically (the claim asserts) Mr Puffy suffered severe anxiety, depression, aggravation of his pre-existing heart condition, insomnia, nightmares, exacerbation of headaches and diabetes. Nothing is said about weight loss, possibly because the corpulent Conservative shows no signs of such.

All complaints of damages stem from the expense scandal of which he and two other Conservative-appointed senators were the central figures. Unlike the other two, however, only "ol' Duff" (as he likes to call himself) was dragged through lengthy hearings in the Senate, charges laid by the Mouonties, and a lengthy criminal trial. The basis of the Duffer's case is that he was denied justice under the Canadian Constitution and Charter of Rights. In particular, he whines ["claims", shurely. Ed.] that he was presumed to be guilty -- amazing though that may seem -- rather than innocent as was his right under the Constitution as well as Anglo-Canadian common law.

According to Agent 3, who has followed the persecution/prosecution of the Dishonourable Senator from Day 1, Mr Duffy may have a good case. He was turfed out of the Senate by vote of the Conservative majority, and had his salary and benefits cut off, before he was even charged with an offence, let alone convicted. Not that his reputation for probity or altruism was much to begin with, but it is clearly non-existent now. A snap poll published taken overnight shows a majority of Canucks of the opinion that even if the Duffer got screwed, he deserved it.

Will Senator Puffy get any money out of the Senate or A-G of Canada (read: Canadian taxpayers) for the wrongs, real and imagined, of which he complains? Omar Khadr, the notorious (and convicted) Islamic terrorist, got C$10.5 million from the Liberal wusses that now run the Canada's alleged government. It should be easy enough for Mr Duffy to walk away with a sum not unadjacent to half of what Mr Khadr got. Lifetime pct .990.

Senator Duffy found not guilty, but is he "Honourable"?

It took over a year to do it, but a thick coat of whitewash has now been applied to the "Honourable" Michael Dennis Duffy, the Senator from Kanata [Prince Edward Island, according to the judge. Ed.], following his acquittal yesterday on 31 -- count `em, 31! -- charges of claiming expenses as a senator from Prince Edward Island on "travel status" in the national capital region, where he's actually lived for decades; claiming travel expenses as a parliamentarian while gallivanting around the country on personal or partisan business; funneling Senate money through private companies owned by a friend, and thereby avoiding Senate scrutiny in his dispersals; and accepting a bribe to repay his bad expenses once they came to light.

Mr. Justice Charles Vaillancourt astounded millions of Canadians yesterday by calling Senator Puffy an "honest man" whose conduct was "honest and reasonable". In a 308-page ruling which took the judge nearly six hours to read out, he gave the porcine solon as complete and thorough an exoneration as the Ol' Duff could have imagined in his wildest dreams.

Canucks sick of unelected party hacks gorging themselves at the Senate trough can be forgiven for wondering if the Duffy they came to know and despise was the same one Judge Vaillancourt saw in the courtroom, the one he described as a credible, hard-working senator (as former Prime Minister Steve Harper wrote on a photo introduced as an exhibit) who never padded expense claims, never ran away from questions about his residency, and sought the advice of Senate leaders and PM Harpoon himself, who all told him he was doing no wrong.

The judge's characterization of the obese sycophant was, in the words of Agent 17, enough to gag a maggot. The 31 charges were stripped of all credibility and dismissed in a complete (and sometime mocking) deconstruction of an incomplete and inept Crown case. The Senator broke no rules, Judge Vaillancourt said, because there were not rules to be broken. Some of his contracts were "unorthodox" and perhaps some of his travel could raise eyebrows, but the judge could not find Mr. Duffy was evading Senate oversight because there was no oversight in the first place.

If public money was spent foolishly or carelessly or on travel and other benefits of a personal nature, that was OK as long as Mr. Duffy included a bit of "Senate work" -- like fundraising for his party -- on his junkets. Besides, he never received any of the money personally. And, bottom line, Senator Duffy was (and still is) entitled to his entitlements.

Speaking on CBC-TV's "At Issue" panel last night, Chantal Hébert said that just because someone is not a criminal doesn't mean he is an ethical or honourable person. Just so. Having been convicted of exactly nothing, Mr. Duffy is entitled to take his extra-wide seat in the Senate once again, and be called -- or call himself -- "Honourable". But that doesn't mean anyone has to believe he is any of those nice things the judge called him. The honourable thing for him to do would be to retire to his "principal residence" in PEI. But will Mr. Duffy, who has the nerve of a canal horse, give up his place at the trough? Hah!

Note from Ed.: Full credit and a tip of the hat for the cartoon to Malcolm Mayes, whose fine work can be found in the Edmonton Journal.

"Harperman" VIDEO lands Canuck public servant in deep doodoo

Two of Walt's agents -- Two [Long time, no hear! Ed.] and Six -- have (independently) alerted us to the cautionary tale of how a scientist with Environment Canada has been put on administrative leave (with pay, fortunately for him) for the sin of creating a politically charged protest song calling for the ousting of Canada's Dear Leader, Steve Harpoon. Definitely a CLM -- Career-Limiting Move.

Tony Turner, a physical scientist at Environment Canada and longtime singer-songwriter in Ottawa's folk music scene, wrote the controversial tune "Harperman". He was sent home a couple of weeks ago, his union says, over concerns that his song "breached Environment Canada's value and ethics code".

The song touches on the trial (for bribery, fraud and being an asshole) of Senator Mike Puffy trial, as well as Harper's too-public feud Beverley McLachlin, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Canada. It includes lyrics like "Who muzzles the poor scientist?" and "Won't buy into climate change until it's sold on the stock exchange." The chorus ends with the blunt line, "Harperman, it's time for you to go!" EVERYBODY SING ALONG!!!



Footnote: In case you didn't see it, here's the welcome message posted on YouTube along with the video. We appreciate all the attention we are receiving since the story broke in the national media on August 21. Comments are welcome but please keep it as positive as possible. The Harperman song and video are about optimism, about joyful protest, about looking forward to the coming federal election and the chance to send Harperman on his way.

VIDEO: Senate expense scandal so Canadian you have to laugh

Let's face it. Canada is kind of a nitwit country. So much that happens in the Not-so-white North is so ridiculous as to provoke laughter even amongst the Canucks themselves. It's no accident that some of the big stars of Hollywood comedy -- Dan Aykroyd, Rick Moranis, Michael J. Fox, the late John Candy, Eugene Levy, and Mike Myers, to mention only a few -- are Canadian. They're used to seeing the funny side of life, even of politics -- especially of politics -- which others (Hello, America!) take far too seriously.

For some months now, Canada has been convulsed (with laughter) by the trial of porcine senator Mike Duffy, who is accused of abusing his position at the deep end of the trough to claim housing allowances and other dubious expenses to which he was not entitled. But Mr. Puffy was not the only one filling his boots. His Conservative colleague Patrick Brazeau is awaiting trial, and the Mounties are about to drop the net on another Tory, Senator Pamela Wallin.

But wait (as Vince Offer would say), there's more! Last week, Canada's Auditor General Michael Ferguson delivered his highly anticipated report on questionable spending by other "honourable" ladies and gentlemen. He identified wrongful expense claims made by 30 senators, retired or still sitting, totalling just under C$1 million ($810,000 in real money).

Nine files have been referred to the RCMP for investigation and possible prosecution. The other 21 abusers of taxpayers' money have been asked politely -- it's Canada, eh! -- to pay back the money they "wrongfully took". But they have the right to dispute the AG's finding and have the matters arbitrated by a retired Supreme Court judge appointed by... wait for it... the Senate! How Canadian is that!

Even more Canadian, according to English comedian John Oliver, is the nature of some of the expenses for which Canuck taxpayers were asked to pay. Included were tickets to hockey games, trips to attend anniversary parties, and food and drink taken instead of free meals available on airline flights. In other countries, aggrieved citizens would be in the streets demanding that the VIPs be taken out and shot. [Not a bad idea. Ed.] But in Canada, taxpayers curse and cry out for abolition of the Senate, but do so with smiles on their faces. Watch John Oliver's rant and see if you don't laugh too.

"Ol' Duff" on trial at last

As I write, lawyers for the Crown and the Honourable Mike Duffy are on their feet in an Ottawa courtroom, beginning the third week of the trial of the Canadian Senator (suspended) on over 30 charges of bribery, fraud, corruption, premeditated flatulence and mopery in the first degree. Click here to see Walt's previous post (11 April) with links to comments by Chris Hall and Rick Salutin.

Last week's proceedings focused on some of the expenses claimed by the Puffster -- that's him on the right -- lauded by Prime Minister Steve Harper -- on the left. [Strange place for him? Ed.] "To Duff, a great journalist and a great senator," reads an endorsement written by Mr. Harpoon on one photo entered into evidence.

"Thanks for being one of my best, hardest-working appointments ever."-- as "my hardest-working senator" and "one of my best appointments".

"Ol' Duff" -- as he likes to call himself, as opposed to "fat f[that's enough! Ed.] -- got the Canadian taxpayer to pay for:
- framed enlargements of pictures of Barbara Bush and his (Duffy's) children
- the services of a makeup artist to prettify himself and Mr. Harpoon for the picture above
- massages and workouts with a fitness trainer, which evidently didn't have any effect

It's not the piddling amounts spent on these things that's at issue. [You call $10,000 for the trainer "piddling"? Ed.] It's the way the bills were paid. Last week we learned that Senator Puffy couldn't get the expenses approved by the beancounters in the Senate's admin department, so he gave a contract to a cement-forming company -- really -- run by his old buddy from the CTV days, Gerry Donohue. Mr. Donohue was paid 10s of 1000s of dollars per year -- whatever part of Duffy's budget hadn't been already used up yet -- out of which Donohue paid the trainer, the makeup artist, the picture-framer and several others.

What Mr. Donohue operated was a personal slush fund to pay whatever Ol' Duff wanted paid, with no oversight and no accountability. Very much at issue is the question of intent. The position of the defence is that the Senate's rules regarding expenses were vague and hard to understand, and that the honourable senator thought he was following the rules, although a few trifling mistakes may have been made.

If that's the case, why did he direct payment out of the monies which Donohue received for doing "editorial and research consulting"? If the expenses were not allowable under Senate rules, why would Duffy not pay them out of his own pocket? Walt is waiting for the honourable senator (suspended) to take the stand and answer those and similar questions.

Footnote: The presiding judge, Charles Vaillancourt, said last week that, at the rate the evidence is going in, there's no way the trial is going to finish in June, as was hoped. We may have to wait until the fall -- September or October -- to hear from Senator Puffy. Having him tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth -- hah! -- could be extremely embarrassing for the Dear Leader, who should be in the stretch drive of his campaign for re-election by then. Unless of course Steve calls a snap election after tabling his government's budget... tomorrow!

Walt explains his silence, reflects on this week's political events

Ed. has been giving me excrement for not posting anything since the post-Easter flurry at the beginning of the week. After three days with no new articles, he was forced (he says) to run the stupid cat story yesterday. It's not even a real phenomenon, like the gold/blue dress. It's just an optical illusion, something M.C. Esher
might have drawn, like this one.

The stupid cat is all over the Internet, and on TV too, so (Ed. sez), we might as well have it too.

Then, with still nothing from Walt left on  his escritoire in the corner, Ed. got on the horn to Poor Len Canayen and prevailed on  him to write the piece  on the Montréal Canadiens salute to Dollard St. Laurent and (especially) Elmer Lach. Very nice if you're a fan of Canada's team, but we know not all our readers are such. One or two are even fans of the Toronto team. To them, Walt can only say that we know it's spring, because the Leafs are out!

But OK, I get the message. I shouldn't let an entire week go by without some trenchant observations on matters of greater importance than cats and hockey. [What could be of more importance than hockey? Poor Len]  Herewith, then, three capsule comments.

The Obama-Kerry deal with Iran looks increasingly unlikely of being ratified by the US Congress. Good. Even if you're not paranoid about Iran (and all the other craziness of the Muslim world) you have to admit that any agreement which is time limited can only be described as a temporary cessation of hostilities. The Prez admitted as much when he said that after 12 years -- assuming the mad mullahs keep their word for even that long -- a nuclear-armed Iran will be some other president's problem. Indeed.

The only reason Walt can think of for Obarmy's relentless pursuit of the Iran deal was his felt need to do something, before leaving office, to earn the Nobel Peace Prize he was awarded in advance. Bah.

It is understood that the starting gun will be fired today for Hellery Clinton's run for the White House. More bah! [Maybe "meh" would be better? Ed.] If La Clinton had tried harder to wrest the nomination from Obama eight years ago... or if she had refused to accept the poisoned chalice he handed her (appointment as Secretary of State)... she'd have had a better shot.  As it is, she has to run not on but against her record of incompetence and arrogance in that office, not to mention the legacy of the failed Obama presidensity.

The only reason no-one's going to challenge Hellery for the nomination is that no other serious candidate wants it.

The one item that has really captured Walt's interest this week is the long-awaited trial of Canadian Senator Mike Puffy ["Duffy", shurely! Ed.] on over thirty (30) charges of bribery, fraud, corruption, premeditated flatulence and mopery in the first degree. Since Canadian courts don't allow video or audio feeds, Walt has been relying on press reports and tweets from Agent 3, who is running a book on the outcome.

The trial began with opening statements by the Crown and defence on Tuesday, and adjourned Friday afternoon, having heard from just one (1) witness, the former law clerk to the Senate, who agreed with defence counsel  that the Senate's rules are fuzzy and hard to understand, on a par with Immanuel Kant's Critique of Pure Reason.

The best line of the week was uttered yesterday by the Crown attorney, responding to the suggestion by the defence that because Steve Harper appoint the Duffster as a senator from Prince Edward Island, he effectively became a resident of that province, even though he really isn't. (With us so far?) The Crown asked whether, if Mr. Harpoon appointed Justin Bieber (aged 21) to the Senate, that would make Mr. Bieber effectively 30 (the minimum age requirement). Good one!

For more on the Duffy trial and its ramifications, Walt suggests "Mike Duffy's the one on trial, but blame and shame abound", by the CBC's National Affairs Editor, Chris Hall.

For a really scathing review of the political career of the hypocritical, fat-faced liar, who Steve Harper called "one of my best appointments", check out "Mike Duffy's finest hour", by Rick Salutin in today's Toronto Star. Wish I'd written that!

Book review: Duffy balloon goes up in spring

Nooo... Not that balloon of the infamously venal Senator from Kanata, former BFF of Canuck Prime Minister Steve Harper. That one was launched in July 2013 by the Canadian Taxpayers Federation to protest the Puffster's (allegedly) fraudulent expense claims.

Did the porcine solon really defraud the Senate (thus Canadian taxpayers) when he billed them for per diem allowances while he was sunning his ample self on the beaches of Florida or for travel expenses for which he had already been paid by Conservative candidates during the 2011 election? These are just a couple of the allegations made by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police in charges of fraud, bribery and breach of trust which will come to trial in the spring.

Last month "Old Duff" (as he likes to be known) had his first day in court on said charges, and waived the preliminary hearing which normally precedes a trial on indictable offences. That means the cases will go straight to trial, beginning on 7 April 2015. 41 days have been set aside for the hearing, in two parts: April 7th to May 12th, then June 1st through 19th. Apparently unwilling to take his chances with a jury, Mr. Duffy (as Steve now calls him) elected trial by judge alone.

The trial is a potentially huge embarrassment for Prime Minister Harpoon and his alleged government, starting a short six months before a federal election, scheduled under Canada's new American-style fixed-date election law for mid-October. The Puffster threatens to take the stand in his own defence -- "I am not a crook!" -- and promises to name names, possibly even calling Steve as a witness. And Nigel Wright, Harper's former chief of staff and the man who gave Duffy a cheque for >$90,000 to pay back his ill-gotten gains and STFU, will likely be the star witness for... wait for it... the Crown!

All this is explained in a new(ish) book, Duffy: Stardom to Senate to Scandal, by journalist Dan Leger, who from time to time covered the same Parliament Hill beat as the Puffster. Mr. Leger recounts Duffy's unlikely rise to lamestream news media stardom. When he writes that Duffy liked to "suck up and kick down", he is quoting someone else. His account of Old Duff's appointment to the Senate and subsequent suspension is similarly fair and straightforward, including lots of self-serving quotes from Duffy himself, some of which were given in the course of an interview for the purposes of the book.

The only problem with Duffy, in Walt's opinion, is that it was published to soon. In the rush to be first onto the bookshelves, Mr. Leger and his publishers (Nimbus Publishing) have been forced to draw a line under the story, which ends following Duffy's suspension from the Senate (along with "former" Tory Senators Wallin and Brazeau) in October of 2013.

But the best part of the story is yet to come. Will the globular senator be not just suspended but dismissed? Will he be convicted of financial wrongdoing? Will the connection between Duffy and Wright prove to have been known to (and perhaps instigated) by Harper Himself?The denouement of the sordid affair is bound to be even more exciting [Politics exciting? Ed.] than the lead-up to it. Walt encourages Dan Leger to write a second edition as soon as the dust settles.

That is not to say that Canuck political junkies shouldn't buy or borrow Mr. Leger's book. It will be a useful backgrounder for the trial next spring. Ya can't tell the players without a programme, and Duffy: Stardom to Senate to Scandal is a fine summary of what happened in the previous episodes.

Too much news for just one day

Summer is usually a slow season for news, so we reach for the silly season stuff, and occasionally go a few days without anything serious to talk about. Today is an exception... and exception-and-a-half. Walt is following three serious stories -- well, OK, one is quasi-serious -- and, while waiting for the other shoes to drop, can only manage these quick comments.

Senator Puffy charged with 31 offences under the Criminal Code of Canada
The chickens belonging to the "Honourable" Michael Dennis Duffy, erstwhile senator from Kanata [PEI, surely! Ed.] have at long last come home to roost. They say that the Mounties always get their man. In this case, they've got a man-and-a-half on 31 separate charges under Canada's Criminal Code, including bribery, fraud, breach of trust and criminal obesity. OK, just kidding about that last one. Walt can only regard this matter as semi-serious because, well, it looks good on the greedy Tory bastard! Start building the scaffold and make sure to use really stout timbers.

Israel launches ground offensive in Gaza
Damn Israelis being offensive again. But why not? Hamas and other Arabs aren't in any position to defend themselves, let alone mount a serious counter-attack, because they're too busy fighting amongst themselves. And who's going to come to the Palestinians' aid? Russia? In light of the third story, Walt doesn't think so. Iran? Already out on a limb in Iraq. Egypt? What, and risk another six-day defeat? Meanwhile, Israel can count on the support of its powerful ally Canada [Eh? Ed.], unless of course the USA tells Israel to cease and desist, which is about as likely as John Kerry saying anything meaningful.

And today's biggie...

Malaysian Airlines B-777 downed near Ukraine-Russia border
Why is it always Malaysian Airlines? Just a coincidence, surely, that it's the same plane, operated by the same airline, as the one which supposedly disappeared back in March. Already, rumours swirl around the wreckage. Was MH17 shot down? If so, by whom? It was supposedly flying at 10,000 metres (33,000 feet), at which altitude it could only have been hit by a large and sophisticated surface-to-air missile, not the dinky little handheld devices the Ukrainian (read "Russian") rebels used to shoot down two Ukrainian military aircraft this month. Alternatively, an air-to-air missile might have been used, but by whose air force? Whoever did the dirty deed must surely have made a horrible mistake, firing on a civilian airliner. Right?

But then... we don't know for certain that a missile hit was the cause of the crash. The plane might have exploded in mid-air for reasons unknown. Or it might have simply flown itself into the ground while everyone on board slept. Like MH370. Walt won't even speculate that there's some connection between the loss of the two planes -- and the lives of nearly 600 people -- but won't be all that surprised if that's how it turns out. That is, if we ever learn the truth.

Peruvian woman wants to meet Father Duffy

As Canadian readers of WWW know, "Independent" -- read "ex-Conservative" -- Senator Michael Dennis Duffy is not the undisputed king of the Canuck pork barrel. He is the pork barrel! He is currently suspended from his extra-wide seat in the Upper Chamber of Parliament, and under investigation (so they say) by Sergeant Preston of the Yukon [RCMP, surely! Ed.]

See "Moron* Mike Duffy", "'Bring me the head of Senator Duffy!'", and "Emotional and over-refreshed, Senator Puffy denies having his snout too deep in the trough", all posted here last year.

The circumferentially-challenged senator has been maintaining a low profile [Really?! Ed.] while the investigation drags on, but finds himself in the glare of the headlights this week after Canada's Maclean's magazine published an interview with Karen Duffy, a Peruvian woman who claims to be the Puffster's bastard daughter by a convicted drug smuggler.

Yvette Benites says she met Duffy's sister Moira in the early `80s at Kingston's old Prison for Women (P4W) while doing time after being conned into carrying a prohibited substance into Canada. Moira introduced Yvette to her brother, who was then a reporter and gossip-monger for the CBC, while Yvette was on parole at a half-way house, pending deportation.

The Maclean's story says the alleged affair lasted for a few months, ending when Ms Benites found herself, errr, up the duff, at which point Mr. Duffy's interest in her, errr, rehabilitation suddenly ceased.

Now Karen Duffy, allegedly the fruit of the illicit affair, wants the father she never met to at least acknowledge her existence. The 32-year-old said she is not seeking money from Senator Duffy, who is well known to be so impecunious that his "friend" Nigel Wright had to repay the Senate for the money Duffy scammed on his expense account.

Ms Duffy says all she wants is "to have a relationship" with her father. "I want to meet him," she said. "I want him to know me, and share the things that are important to me."

She told Maclean's that she and her mother tried to reach out to the journalist-turned-senator over the past few decades, with no response. So, she has brought a paternity suit in a Peruvian court. Although any order of a Peruvian court would likely be unenforceable in Canada (according to Agent 3), it would seem that the Puffster's options are either to (a) admit paternity or (b) submit to a DNA test to disprove the allegation. The rumour on Parliament Hill is that Nigel Wright has volunteered to take the test for Duffy, for friendship's sake.

Note from Ed. to Agent 9: "Father Duffy"...the other Father Duffy! Geddit?!