VIDEO: Senate expense scandal so Canadian you have to laugh

Let's face it. Canada is kind of a nitwit country. So much that happens in the Not-so-white North is so ridiculous as to provoke laughter even amongst the Canucks themselves. It's no accident that some of the big stars of Hollywood comedy -- Dan Aykroyd, Rick Moranis, Michael J. Fox, the late John Candy, Eugene Levy, and Mike Myers, to mention only a few -- are Canadian. They're used to seeing the funny side of life, even of politics -- especially of politics -- which others (Hello, America!) take far too seriously.

For some months now, Canada has been convulsed (with laughter) by the trial of porcine senator Mike Duffy, who is accused of abusing his position at the deep end of the trough to claim housing allowances and other dubious expenses to which he was not entitled. But Mr. Puffy was not the only one filling his boots. His Conservative colleague Patrick Brazeau is awaiting trial, and the Mounties are about to drop the net on another Tory, Senator Pamela Wallin.

But wait (as Vince Offer would say), there's more! Last week, Canada's Auditor General Michael Ferguson delivered his highly anticipated report on questionable spending by other "honourable" ladies and gentlemen. He identified wrongful expense claims made by 30 senators, retired or still sitting, totalling just under C$1 million ($810,000 in real money).

Nine files have been referred to the RCMP for investigation and possible prosecution. The other 21 abusers of taxpayers' money have been asked politely -- it's Canada, eh! -- to pay back the money they "wrongfully took". But they have the right to dispute the AG's finding and have the matters arbitrated by a retired Supreme Court judge appointed by... wait for it... the Senate! How Canadian is that!

Even more Canadian, according to English comedian John Oliver, is the nature of some of the expenses for which Canuck taxpayers were asked to pay. Included were tickets to hockey games, trips to attend anniversary parties, and food and drink taken instead of free meals available on airline flights. In other countries, aggrieved citizens would be in the streets demanding that the VIPs be taken out and shot. [Not a bad idea. Ed.] But in Canada, taxpayers curse and cry out for abolition of the Senate, but do so with smiles on their faces. Watch John Oliver's rant and see if you don't laugh too.

Canucks too polite for their own good?

While recovering from minor surgery, Walt has had ample time to catch up on two political scandals which have been rocking the Canadian canoe this fall. I refer to the saga of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, now at the end of Act I, and the ongoing Senate expenses scandal, which yesterday got close to directly implicating Canuck Prime Minister Steve Harper.

What Walt has learned about Canadians is that they are not just ultra-polite, but very forgiving, even when it comes to the grossest misconduct by their public officials. The forelock-tugging deference shown by those sheeple to VIPs is beyond amazing.


In neither case -- the Ford affair or the Wright-Duffy-Harper scandal -- has a single criminal charge been brought or a civil lawsuit commenced. In America, ravenous lawyers would have been all over the miscreants like pit bulls on poodles! In Canada, "the police are investigating; let justice take its course" is good enough for a citizenry that, in other countries, would have taken to the streets.

And get this! His Honour Mayor Ford and the Honourable Senators Duffy, Wallin and Brazeau are still in office! Apparently Canadians have no provision in their laws for recall elections. As for the Senators, they weren't elected in their first place -- just put in their positions at the trough courtesy of Prime Minister Harpoon.

What about impeachment, I hear you ask. My legal advisor, Agent 3, isn't sure if such a procedure exists in Canadian law. But, he says, he is unaware of any Canadian or provincial parliamentarian ever having been impeached. And the possibility of impeachment has not even been mooted.

Well then (I am still listening to you) why don't Mayor Ford and the three unjustly enriched senators -- Conservatives every one! -- do the honourable thing and resign? Errr, no... Resigning out of shame or as a matter of principle is something they do in Britain, maybe, but Canadian politicians follow the Nixon/Clinton precedents of not jumping until you're about to be pushed...and maybe not even then.


So the state of play today is this. The three Tory senators who have been found to have defrauded Canadian taxpayers of hundreds of thousands of dollars in illegitimate "expenses" have been suspended from the Red Trough ["Red Chamber", surely! Ed.] for the balance of this parliament. But they get to keep their perqs, medical and dental coverage, life insurance, and a generous pension plan paid for by...you know who.

Mayor Rob Ford still has an office (albeit a smaller one, barely big enough to accomodate his girth) in Toronto's city hall, and he still has a staff (also smaller) and a salary (not smaller). Plus he still gets to represent Toronto at various ceremonies and functions (but not the Santa Claus Parade or next year's Garrison Ball, Walt guesses), but will no longer be involved in day-to-day running of the city. That leaves him lots of time for appearances (presumably remunerated) on radio and TV not just in Toronto or Canada but also the USA where he has become an instant celeb -- kind of like Lindsay Lohan, only bigger and uglier.

Agent 78 says that in China they'd all have been shot. But not in Canada. Pity.