Peruvian woman wants to meet Father Duffy

As Canadian readers of WWW know, "Independent" -- read "ex-Conservative" -- Senator Michael Dennis Duffy is not the undisputed king of the Canuck pork barrel. He is the pork barrel! He is currently suspended from his extra-wide seat in the Upper Chamber of Parliament, and under investigation (so they say) by Sergeant Preston of the Yukon [RCMP, surely! Ed.]

See "Moron* Mike Duffy", "'Bring me the head of Senator Duffy!'", and "Emotional and over-refreshed, Senator Puffy denies having his snout too deep in the trough", all posted here last year.

The circumferentially-challenged senator has been maintaining a low profile [Really?! Ed.] while the investigation drags on, but finds himself in the glare of the headlights this week after Canada's Maclean's magazine published an interview with Karen Duffy, a Peruvian woman who claims to be the Puffster's bastard daughter by a convicted drug smuggler.

Yvette Benites says she met Duffy's sister Moira in the early `80s at Kingston's old Prison for Women (P4W) while doing time after being conned into carrying a prohibited substance into Canada. Moira introduced Yvette to her brother, who was then a reporter and gossip-monger for the CBC, while Yvette was on parole at a half-way house, pending deportation.

The Maclean's story says the alleged affair lasted for a few months, ending when Ms Benites found herself, errr, up the duff, at which point Mr. Duffy's interest in her, errr, rehabilitation suddenly ceased.

Now Karen Duffy, allegedly the fruit of the illicit affair, wants the father she never met to at least acknowledge her existence. The 32-year-old said she is not seeking money from Senator Duffy, who is well known to be so impecunious that his "friend" Nigel Wright had to repay the Senate for the money Duffy scammed on his expense account.

Ms Duffy says all she wants is "to have a relationship" with her father. "I want to meet him," she said. "I want him to know me, and share the things that are important to me."

She told Maclean's that she and her mother tried to reach out to the journalist-turned-senator over the past few decades, with no response. So, she has brought a paternity suit in a Peruvian court. Although any order of a Peruvian court would likely be unenforceable in Canada (according to Agent 3), it would seem that the Puffster's options are either to (a) admit paternity or (b) submit to a DNA test to disprove the allegation. The rumour on Parliament Hill is that Nigel Wright has volunteered to take the test for Duffy, for friendship's sake.

Note from Ed. to Agent 9: "Father Duffy"...the other Father Duffy! Geddit?!

CBC's "The House" reviews the Wrights and wrongs of l'affaire Duffy

Note from Ed.: This item is of interest only to Canadian political junkies. This does not include Ted Cruz, who is surely a political junkie and a Canadian (as of this writing) but we didn't mean it that way. If you're not fascinated by Canadian politics -- that's what we meant -- wait until tomorrow and we'll have something else.

This week's edition of CBC Radio's fine political programme, The House, was devoted entirely to the ongoing scandal over repayment by Nigel Wright -- formerly Chief of Staff to Canuck Prime Minister Steve "Stephen" Harper -- of expenses fraudulently claimed by the Honourable [sic] Mike "Mike" Duffy, the once and future senator from Prince Edward Island... or possibly Kanata, which is where Mr. Puffy lives.

The radio programme is well worth listening to in its entirety (about 52 minutes). It focuses on court documents filed by the Mounties in the course of their investigation into the scandal. You'll hear excerpts from a number of damning e-mails, read by actors portraying Mr. Right ["Wright", surely! Ed.] and others, as well as the Puffster's mendacious and self-serving speeches in the Senate.

Radio-Canada Ottawa bureau chief Emmanuelle Latraverse and CBC senior political correspondent Terry Milewski -- Walt likes Milewski a lot -- join host Evan Solomon for the journey and give their analysis of what it all means.

Before you listen, if this is all kind of new to you -- or if your eyes glazed over back in May or June -- you might take a look at Walt's previous posts on the subject:
"VIDEO: Rex hexes Canadian pols"
"Canucks too polite for their own good?"
"Print your own Duffybuck!"
"Emotional and over-refreshed, Senator Puffy denies having his snout too deep in the trough"
"Wright was wrong! Wright is gone! But WHY?!"
"'Bring me the head of Senator Duffy!'"
"Moron* Mike Puffy"
[That's enough Duff stuff. Ed.]

Canucks too polite for their own good?

While recovering from minor surgery, Walt has had ample time to catch up on two political scandals which have been rocking the Canadian canoe this fall. I refer to the saga of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, now at the end of Act I, and the ongoing Senate expenses scandal, which yesterday got close to directly implicating Canuck Prime Minister Steve Harper.

What Walt has learned about Canadians is that they are not just ultra-polite, but very forgiving, even when it comes to the grossest misconduct by their public officials. The forelock-tugging deference shown by those sheeple to VIPs is beyond amazing.


In neither case -- the Ford affair or the Wright-Duffy-Harper scandal -- has a single criminal charge been brought or a civil lawsuit commenced. In America, ravenous lawyers would have been all over the miscreants like pit bulls on poodles! In Canada, "the police are investigating; let justice take its course" is good enough for a citizenry that, in other countries, would have taken to the streets.

And get this! His Honour Mayor Ford and the Honourable Senators Duffy, Wallin and Brazeau are still in office! Apparently Canadians have no provision in their laws for recall elections. As for the Senators, they weren't elected in their first place -- just put in their positions at the trough courtesy of Prime Minister Harpoon.

What about impeachment, I hear you ask. My legal advisor, Agent 3, isn't sure if such a procedure exists in Canadian law. But, he says, he is unaware of any Canadian or provincial parliamentarian ever having been impeached. And the possibility of impeachment has not even been mooted.

Well then (I am still listening to you) why don't Mayor Ford and the three unjustly enriched senators -- Conservatives every one! -- do the honourable thing and resign? Errr, no... Resigning out of shame or as a matter of principle is something they do in Britain, maybe, but Canadian politicians follow the Nixon/Clinton precedents of not jumping until you're about to be pushed...and maybe not even then.


So the state of play today is this. The three Tory senators who have been found to have defrauded Canadian taxpayers of hundreds of thousands of dollars in illegitimate "expenses" have been suspended from the Red Trough ["Red Chamber", surely! Ed.] for the balance of this parliament. But they get to keep their perqs, medical and dental coverage, life insurance, and a generous pension plan paid for by...you know who.

Mayor Rob Ford still has an office (albeit a smaller one, barely big enough to accomodate his girth) in Toronto's city hall, and he still has a staff (also smaller) and a salary (not smaller). Plus he still gets to represent Toronto at various ceremonies and functions (but not the Santa Claus Parade or next year's Garrison Ball, Walt guesses), but will no longer be involved in day-to-day running of the city. That leaves him lots of time for appearances (presumably remunerated) on radio and TV not just in Toronto or Canada but also the USA where he has become an instant celeb -- kind of like Lindsay Lohan, only bigger and uglier.

Agent 78 says that in China they'd all have been shot. But not in Canada. Pity.

Wright was wrong! Wright is gone! But WHY?!

The Canadian Senate shitstorm increases in fury! Only yesterday -- in "Bring me the head of Senator Duffy" -- Walt gloated (yes!) over the resignation of Senator Mike Duffy from the Conservative caucus. While I wrote, Tory Senator Pam Wallin announced that she would join him under the bus.

What, Walt wondered, would it take to get the Puffster or the fragrant Ms Wallin -- or Senator Harb (ex-Liberal) or Senator Brazeau (the third ex-Conservative) -- to resign not just from their party's caucus but from the Senate itself?

Of even greater interest was (and still is) the question of why the Tories went to such great lengths to protect only the dishonourable Senator from Kanata. For what reason would Nigel Wright, Prime Minister Harper's Chief of Staff, pay over $90,000, allegedly out of his own pocket, to cover the expenses for which Puffy improperly billed the Canadian taxpayer? Was it party esprit de corps, or an outpouring of the milk of human kindness?

A further question arose as to the future of the incredibly generous Mr. Wright. A spokesthingy for Mr. Harpoon said the PM had "complete confidence" in his Chief of Staff. Was that the kiss of death?

Perhaps so, as sometime between yesterday's post and today's, Mr. Wright bailed. Admitted he was not Wright but Wrong. Tendered his resignation, which the PM quickly (and "regretfully") accepted.

Walt would love to have a man-to-man talk with Nigel Wright, but he seems to be in seclusion. The Puffster is hiding in his sty in PEI, much to the surprise of neighbours who couldn't recall ever having seen him there before.

If I could, I would like to find out what it is that Duffy knows -- and may yet tell -- about Harper, about Wright, and perhaps about others. For instance... Wright has been described as a long-time friend of Duffy's, hence his eagerness to give his old buddy 90 large. And of course Wright is a close friend of the Prime Minister's too. Does Mr. Wright have any other friends? What about John "Nancy" Baird, Canada's Minister of Foreign Affairs? Is there some connection there? Just asking...

"Bring me the head of Senator Duffy!"

It's been barely 48 hours since Walt assaulted your olfactory sense with the story of how the Honourable Mike Duffy, the Senator from Kanata [not PEI? Ed.] had his huge ass covered by Nigel Wright, Chief of Staff to Steve "Stephen" Harper, the Prime Minister of Canada. There's more to the story...

Senator Puffy was being audited by Deloitte (at the request of the Senate) over housing expenses he claimed and received for maintaining a residence in Kanata -- a suburb of the world's second-coldest capital -- because his principal residence was supposedly in Prince Edward Island. The amount in question was in excess of C$90,000 ($88,000 in real money.)

Trouble is, Duffy had occupied the house in Kanata for years and years, whereas the sty in PEI went largely unoccupied according to neighbours -- more of a summer cottage, if that. That spelled trouble for the Puffster because the Canadian Constitution requires senators to live in the province they represent. Calls were loud for the "honourable" senator to resign from his position and/or at least pay back the money, and after weeks of stonewalling, Duffy said in February that he would do the latter but not the former.

As reported two days ago, the 90 large was indeed repaid, not by the porcine parliamentarian but by the Chief of Staff in the Prime Minister's Office. Why?! One's first guess would have to be to make the whole stinky affair go away. If that's what he was thinking, Wright was Wrong!

Embarrassing questions were asked the moment CTV broke the story. Why, Canadians wondered, was Senator Puffy given special treatment? (Two other senators -- Liberal Mac Harb and Conservative Patrick Brazeau -- also faced demands to repay ill-gotten housing allowances.) What did Duffy have on the Conservatives that they would spend so much political capital -- not to mention cash -- to protect him? Maybe he has proof of John Baird's sexual preferences? Maybe he has pictures of Harper and the Duck? 

While Canucks were mulling the possibilities, there was a further revelation! The Tories refused to provide details of exactly what improperly-claimed expenses were being repaid. Turns out that, apart from the housing allowance, Duffy had billed the Senate per diem fees for work allegedly done while he was in Florida. Images of a beached whale spring to mind!

Ditto for a number of days during the federal election campaign of 2011 during which Mr. Puffy charged the Senate for attending to his senatorial duties while at the same time stumping for his beloved Conservative Party in constituencies far removed from Ottawa. [Not in PEI, though! Ed.] As the Tories themselves had paid Duffy for those days, it would seem that the "honourable" senator was, errr, double-dipping.

All this caused considerable soiling of shorts in the corridors of power, especially the Langevin Block. [That's where the Prime Minister's Office is. Ed.] Pundits and publicans were unanimous in calling for the heads of both Duffy and Wright. But did either of them resign? Errr, no. Duffy resigned, not from the Senate but from the Conservative caucus. He will now sit in his extra-wide seat as an "independent". Wright has been neither seen nor heard, but a fart-catcher for Steve Harper says the PM still has "complete confidence" in his chief of staff. Stay tuned.

Double-dip footnote: Duffy's was not the only snout deep in the trough. Late last night, another Conservative senator decided to join the Puffster under the bus. [On the "independent" benches, surely! Ed.] Pamela Wallin -- coincidentally another former "non-partisan" broadcaster who formerly worked for CTV -- is also under investigation for improperly claiming "other travel" expenses in the neighbourhood of $321,000.

She and Duffy both say they will rejoin the Tories once these little misunderstandings are "resolved". Wallin's calls to Nigel Wright have not been returned.

Moron* Mike Puffy

Speaking of pigs in parliament, Canada's Least Honourable Senator Mike Duffy was caught yesterday with his snout even deeper in the trough than was previously known... outside of the Prime Minister's Office, that is. Looks like the Puffster -- "Is that your face or are you standing beside a balloon?" -- is headed for the high jump as a result of his blatant and hypocritical disregard for the rules of the Senate and possibly the Criminal Code of Canada

The smelly story so far
As a reward for his biased, below-the-belt "reporting" of the political scene -- plus a natural propensity for arse-kissing -- "Duff" was rewarded by his good friend Steve "Stephen" Harper with appointment to the Senate of Canada as a senator from Prince Edward Island.

The Canadian constitution requires a senator to maintain his principal residence in the province which he purports to represent. Sadly for Duffy, although he was born in PEI and resembles a PEI potato -- a huge PEI potato -- he has lived for decades in Kanata, a suburb of the world's second-coldest capital. He has a large house there, with a large ($360,000) mortgage.

Nevertheless, the "honourable" senator from PEI signed a declaration that his principal residence is (what turned out to be) a summer cottage in Cavendish PEI. That would make him eligible for a housing allowance to defray the costs of maintaining the aforementioned residence in Kanata.

When this came to light in the course of enquiries into expenses claimed by Duffy and three other senators (one Liberal, two Tories), the ace reporter claimed he'd had trouble understanding the declaration he'd signed. Perhaps he failed to comprehend the implications of the word "principal", since its homonym -- "principle" -- is clearly not in his vocabulary.

Anyway, it was all a big "innocent" mistake, and a couple of weeks after the "error" was revealed, Duffy trotted out the old contrition act. Without actually using the word "sorry", he said on national TV that the whole thing had become a "distraction" from his onerous duties as senator, and he and his wife (nice touch) had decided they would repay the $90,000 or so in housing expenses which he had "mistakenly" claimed and received.

Fast forward to March, when the Senate committee looking into the matter was about to present its report. By the way, someone asked, did Senator Duffy ever give back his ill-gotten money? Oh yes, said Marjorie LeBreton (government leader in the Senate) and Steve Harper, he did the right thing -- the honourable thing -- and all the money has been repaid.

What no-one said -- not Duffy, not Harper nor his many minions -- was that it wasn't the arch-troughster who actually ponied up the funds with which to reimburse the Canadian taxpayer. The cheque was actually cut by... wait for it... one Nigel Wright.

Nigel Wright? Who he? Ed. 
Nigel Wright is a wealthy Bay Street capitalist who, as a reward for [Get on with it! Ed.] has for a couple of years been the Chief of Staff in the office of... wait for it... Prime Minister Steve "Stephen" Harper!

Wright is also an old and dear friend of Senator Puffy. When he somehow learned that Duffy, in spite of his $132,000 Senate salary and generous expense allowance, was impecunious, Wright generously offered to give the skint senator the $90,000 needed to cover his enormous fundament. That's "give", not "lend".

Looks like Wright was wrong to help out his fat old friend in this way. First of all, it's just not done to make a large payment in cash (or cheque) to a sitting legislator for no reason at all. And even if the gift itself is not illegal, the recipient would -- under the Senate's conflict of interest code -- be required to report the gift within 30 days of receiving it. In this case the deadline would have been sometime before April 25th. Need I add that no such report was ever made.

Why did Wright do it? Did the Prime Minister know? The deal, according to Duffy himself, was made in the course of "negotiations" between Duffy's lawyer and "the Prime Minister's Office". Duffy would pay back the housing allowance and the government would "go easy" on him and (presumably) not make him resign his Senate seat even though he is clearly not eligible to represent Prince Edward Island.

The way Walt sees it, the only way Prime Minister Harper could not have known about the deal to save Duffy's fat face (and that of the PM who appointed him) would be if Harper wilfully closes his eyes to the business of his own office. We know that Harper is an avid piano player... just like the piano player in the brothel who says "I don't know what goes on upstairs".

The federal Ethics Commissioner will investigate as soon as her bucket of whitewash can be refilled.

Further reading: "The only right thing left for Mike Duffy to do now is resign" by one of Walt's favourite commentators, Andrew Coyne, in today's National Post.

* The headline originally read "More on Mike Puffy" but it's funnier now. Ed.