Tomorrow is July 12th, "the Glorious 12th", on which the anti-Catholic bigots of the Loyal Orange Lodge celebrate the triumph of King Billy of Orange (he's the one on the white horse) over the Catholic King James II in Ireland 220 years ago. Ireland has never been the same since and Britain still occupies the northern part, which they call Ulster.
The fight over Ulster has continued for about a century since the days of Michael Collins (see the movie!), in spite of peace initiatives by Bill Clinton and others. But Michael Moore, in his book Stupid White Men, proposes a solution, which Walt heartily endorses.
Convert the Protestants of Northern Ireland to Catholicism!
Moore reckons that if just 2.5% of the Protestants of Ulster convert, that would create a Catholic majority. End of problem. And getting that 2.5% to switch should be easy, according to Moore. Just show them the following benefits of being a Roman Catholic.
One guy in charge -- the Pope. There are several thousand Protestant sects. Some are run by committee, some by an elected chair, others simply run like a food co-op, with no one calling the shots. Going Catholic means having a leader for life, someone unafraid of making a decision, giving the faithful a fixed set of rules and boundaries that give one’s life order and clarity. And after the Pope dies, no messy elections -- a couple hundred guys wearing red gather in a room, vote, and a puff of white smoke out of the chimney tells everyone the decision has been made. No campaign speeches, no pandering to the electorate, no recounts.
More sex. Catholics, as we all know, have more babies, and so, you know, that means only one thing -- more sex! Sorry, but in the Catholic Church you can’t get the babies without the sex. And who couldn’t use a little extra sex these days? I’m telling you, let those Protestant Orangemen know they’re going to be getting some, and watch how fast they end those silly parades.
More days off. The Catholic church has six official Holy Days. In countries where the majority of citizens practice Catholicism, these are fully paid days off from work and schooldays off for the kids. Can you name one Protestant Holy Day -- not counting the day the Eddie Bauer Christmas catalog comes out? I didn’t think so.
Free alcohol. You go to Mass every day, you get a free drink of wine. True, you must accept that you’re drinking the Blood of Christ, but hey, you can do that! How many times have you told people the gin and tonic you are nursing is "just water"? Have a little faith!
Catholic girls. See above.
A guaranteed spot in Heaven at the right hand of God Himself! It’s all there in the Bible -- Jesus made Peter the head of the Church, and then he made it clear that only members of the "one true Catholic Church" get past the velvet rope at the pearly gates. So you can continue your allegiance to the Queen and then burn in hell for eternity -- or you can get on the "A list" and enjoy Forever with a first class seat.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Growth and decay
British traveller and author Geoffrey Moorhouse had this to say* about urban decay.
A city does not suddenly break down. ...the ultimate civic disaster is clearly preceded by a long and gradual process of neglect and decay which undermines the city’s foundations to a point at which a very small push will send the whole structure tumbling into ruins.
This process can take just as long as the process of a city’s grow to maturity and supremacy. The two can even be seen passing the years in tandem, one of the city’s parts thriving and becoming grand while the other becomes increasingly wasted and diseased.
Walt believes the same process or cycle of growth and decay, rise and fall, occurs in nations. Question to ponder: Where, in the cycle, is America today?
* in Calcutta: the City Revealed. Penguin, London, 1974.
A city does not suddenly break down. ...the ultimate civic disaster is clearly preceded by a long and gradual process of neglect and decay which undermines the city’s foundations to a point at which a very small push will send the whole structure tumbling into ruins.
This process can take just as long as the process of a city’s grow to maturity and supremacy. The two can even be seen passing the years in tandem, one of the city’s parts thriving and becoming grand while the other becomes increasingly wasted and diseased.
Walt believes the same process or cycle of growth and decay, rise and fall, occurs in nations. Question to ponder: Where, in the cycle, is America today?
* in Calcutta: the City Revealed. Penguin, London, 1974.
Couldabeen, usetabe, gonnabe
Not 100 miles from Walt's hibiscus-surrounded cottage lies one of the five poorest cities in the USA. The Interstate goes around it, but not many drivers exit. There are no Fortune 500 companies there. It has a couple of major league sports teams but they never win anything much.
This city's downtown core is shabby and decayed. One (1) newish building dominates, built a couple of decades ago by a foreign bank for reasons known only to it. The suburbs aren't much better. It's like Des Moines, which Bill Bryson called "a good place to come from".
Back in the 19th century, the city was bigger and full of promise. Local boosters, and they were numerous, saw it as a great future centre of industry and commerce. Like Chicago. Except it never became Chicago. Businesses stopped moving goods by canal. Railroads passed it by. The excitement and enthusiasm of the "frontier" waned. Today it just sits there, dead but not quite lying down.
The city is a "couldabeen". As in "If only thus and so had happened, it couldabeen really somethin'."
A few hundred miles to the south lies a "usetabe", a city that produced the vast majority of a certain commodity that was critical to American manufacturing in the 20th century. That commodity is still used -- it has yet to be totally supplanted by plastic -- but instead of buying American, we get it now from places like Korea. Because it's cheaper.
So the city has died. Efforts have been made to bring it back to life, and its major league teams tend to do a little better than the other place's, but it's still a shadow of its former self. And you do hear people say "I can remember when this usetabe..."
Too many American cities are "couldabeens" and "usetabes". In the south and west there's the odd "gonnabe", as in "This is gonnabe a great city once they get it finished." But you can see people crossing their fingers even as they utter those words, for faith in the future of the city implies faith in the future of the country, and that's something we're not quite sure about any more.
More on this subject anon...
This city's downtown core is shabby and decayed. One (1) newish building dominates, built a couple of decades ago by a foreign bank for reasons known only to it. The suburbs aren't much better. It's like Des Moines, which Bill Bryson called "a good place to come from".
Back in the 19th century, the city was bigger and full of promise. Local boosters, and they were numerous, saw it as a great future centre of industry and commerce. Like Chicago. Except it never became Chicago. Businesses stopped moving goods by canal. Railroads passed it by. The excitement and enthusiasm of the "frontier" waned. Today it just sits there, dead but not quite lying down.
The city is a "couldabeen". As in "If only thus and so had happened, it couldabeen really somethin'."
A few hundred miles to the south lies a "usetabe", a city that produced the vast majority of a certain commodity that was critical to American manufacturing in the 20th century. That commodity is still used -- it has yet to be totally supplanted by plastic -- but instead of buying American, we get it now from places like Korea. Because it's cheaper.
So the city has died. Efforts have been made to bring it back to life, and its major league teams tend to do a little better than the other place's, but it's still a shadow of its former self. And you do hear people say "I can remember when this usetabe..."
Too many American cities are "couldabeens" and "usetabes". In the south and west there's the odd "gonnabe", as in "This is gonnabe a great city once they get it finished." But you can see people crossing their fingers even as they utter those words, for faith in the future of the city implies faith in the future of the country, and that's something we're not quite sure about any more.
More on this subject anon...
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Two per day
Six (6) American service personnel were killed in Afghanistan today, along with 12 members of the Afghan army. So far this month Americans are dying at the rate of two per day. But don't worry. Obama's "surge" is going to bring the exercise to a successful conclusion. Or not...
Inquiries aplenty! Fortunes to be made!
Lawyers! Get your car unwelded from the back of the ambulance and make haste to Toronto! Get your place at the trough for the newest and biggest inquiries into the police "actions" at the G20 summit!
At last count (at mid-week) three investigations into the conduct of the multi-force security unit had been announced. The Toronto police were going to do their own internal review. The SIU [Seafarers International Union? ed.] was to be called in. Then the Toronto Police Services* Board issued its own fuzzification.
Now Ontario's Ombudsman, André Marin, says his office will investigate the security regulations announced by "The Bill" Blair, supposedly with the backing of the provincial government, which, according to Blair, allowed the cops to stop and frisk anyone coming within 16 feet of the Big Fence, and arrest anyone who objected.
M. Marin, well-known for his aversion to sea birds, vowed Friday to leave no tern unstoned [Is this right? ed.] in his efforts to whitewash the actions of the government. He is not merely a fart-catcher, M. Marin said, noting that “We can subpoena any member of the public, which includes … people within the government, if we're investigating something within our jurisdiction.”
The last three words are the weasel words. Expect the Toronto police and the federal government, among others, to challenge the Ombudsman's jurisdiction. This would be in line with the feds' employment stimulus program, since it will create 1000s of billable hours of "work" for m'learned friends plus overtime for dozens of judges.
As a plus for the government, legal fees are now subject to HST! Ah yes, it looks like a great year (or more) ahead for the legal profession.
* Footnote: Walt is so old he can remember when the police were called "the police force". When did that get changed to "police service"? And how about their motto, "to serve and protect"? Ha. It is to laugh. Ask the Niagara resident who had his prosthetic leg ripped off by the cops during the "peaceful protest". "Serve and protect" indeed.
At last count (at mid-week) three investigations into the conduct of the multi-force security unit had been announced. The Toronto police were going to do their own internal review. The SIU [Seafarers International Union? ed.] was to be called in. Then the Toronto Police Services* Board issued its own fuzzification.
Now Ontario's Ombudsman, André Marin, says his office will investigate the security regulations announced by "The Bill" Blair, supposedly with the backing of the provincial government, which, according to Blair, allowed the cops to stop and frisk anyone coming within 16 feet of the Big Fence, and arrest anyone who objected.
M. Marin, well-known for his aversion to sea birds, vowed Friday to leave no tern unstoned [Is this right? ed.] in his efforts to whitewash the actions of the government. He is not merely a fart-catcher, M. Marin said, noting that “We can subpoena any member of the public, which includes … people within the government, if we're investigating something within our jurisdiction.”
The last three words are the weasel words. Expect the Toronto police and the federal government, among others, to challenge the Ombudsman's jurisdiction. This would be in line with the feds' employment stimulus program, since it will create 1000s of billable hours of "work" for m'learned friends plus overtime for dozens of judges.
As a plus for the government, legal fees are now subject to HST! Ah yes, it looks like a great year (or more) ahead for the legal profession.
* Footnote: Walt is so old he can remember when the police were called "the police force". When did that get changed to "police service"? And how about their motto, "to serve and protect"? Ha. It is to laugh. Ask the Niagara resident who had his prosthetic leg ripped off by the cops during the "peaceful protest". "Serve and protect" indeed.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Out of work? Broke? American? Try Canada!
One of the websites Walt checks occasionally is the Huffington Post. It's got blogs by Idiot Spitzer, T. Boone "Slim" Pickens and others who should know something about how to make a buck, or at least survive a recession.
The Post's feature article today has some advice for those who are finding it a bit difficult to make the nut in Obama's America. The headline says: Need A Job? Try Canada, Where Hiring Is Booming And Home Prices Are Rising.
The article reports on the generally healthy state of the Canadian economy [No kidding? ed.] which last month added a whopping 93,200 new jobs, while the USA continues to struggle with unemployment woes.
At the bottom of the HuffPost article is a poll, asking people whether they would be willing to move to Canada for work. When Walt looked, over 56% of those who voted said they’d move to Canada if that’s where the jobs are, while 17% said they’d stay in the States.
Warning to prospective wetbacks! Many Americans who venture north of the world's longest undefended border are surprised to learn that they've entered a different country. There's funny-coloured currency, you have to take off your hat at the Legion and don't even think about turning right on red in Montréal.
One more thing. Visitors aren't allowed to work...legally. If you want to come and take a Canuck's job, you have to ask that nice Mr. Harper. He'll probably say yes, but you do have to ask. A smiling, courteous "border services agent" will be glad to explain it to you. You're welcome.
The Post's feature article today has some advice for those who are finding it a bit difficult to make the nut in Obama's America. The headline says: Need A Job? Try Canada, Where Hiring Is Booming And Home Prices Are Rising.
The article reports on the generally healthy state of the Canadian economy [No kidding? ed.] which last month added a whopping 93,200 new jobs, while the USA continues to struggle with unemployment woes.
At the bottom of the HuffPost article is a poll, asking people whether they would be willing to move to Canada for work. When Walt looked, over 56% of those who voted said they’d move to Canada if that’s where the jobs are, while 17% said they’d stay in the States.
Warning to prospective wetbacks! Many Americans who venture north of the world's longest undefended border are surprised to learn that they've entered a different country. There's funny-coloured currency, you have to take off your hat at the Legion and don't even think about turning right on red in Montréal.
One more thing. Visitors aren't allowed to work...legally. If you want to come and take a Canuck's job, you have to ask that nice Mr. Harper. He'll probably say yes, but you do have to ask. A smiling, courteous "border services agent" will be glad to explain it to you. You're welcome.
Doing this can cause blindness!
Ontario readers please take note. According to the CBC, biologists and health officials in that province are scrambling to contain an invasive plant that can cause severe burns and blindness. Because of the warm, wet spring and summer [caused by global warming, perhaps? ed.], strange new plants have suddenly appeared in places where they've never before been seen, like the Ottawa valley. The worst is heracleum mantegazzianum, or giant hogweed, a poisonous plant most recently found growing in Renfrew County, west of Ottawa. It's said to be a very poisonous plant. If you get any of the sap from this plant on your skin, it can cause severe blistering and very bad burns. If you should happen to get the sap in your eyes, it can blind you either temporarily or permanently.
A similar weed, heracleum harperium, is believed to be growing on Parliament Hill. It causes political blindness, with side-effects of overarching ambition and extreme stubborness. No cure has yet been developed.
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