UPDATED: Obama's speech impediment to be tested tonight!

Yesterday I was listening (albeit with just one ear) to the Prez as he tried to soften the hard news about the perpetrators of the San Bernardino massacre. Mr. 0 said the FBI (etc) thought maybe it was an act of terrorism -- well, DUH! -- "but we're not sure"!

Seriously. That's what the Prez said. I guess that makes me a better candidate for POTUS then, because I was sure as early as Wednesday afternoon. See "Don't tell us the San Bernardino massacre isn't the work of terrorists!"

As I was pondering the significance of Mr. Obama's refusal to identify as Muslims the couple who slaughtered 14 innocent civilians and wounded 21 (the latest count), Ed. handed me a brown envelope which had been slipped under the door of our cabin in the pines that morning. It contains a confidential report from a n'anga (= "traditional healer" = witch doctor) the Prez consulted on the QT during his July visit to the land of his ancestors, Kenya.

According to the good doctor, Mr. Obama's paternal grandmother was scared by a drawing of the Prophet, like the one shown here. The mental trauma affected the child in her womb, the father of Barack Hussein Obama, and his son, congenitally incapable of saying the words "Muslim" or "Islam", or any variation thereof, in the same sentence as the word "terrorism" or "terrorist(s)".

So now you know why the Prez just can't say who's responsible for what was clearly (not "maybe") an act of terrorism. You're welcome.

UPDATED SUNDAY MORNING: Walt will be watching and listening carefully to POTUS's fireside address to a worried nation, to be televised coast-to-coast tonight. The advertised topic is the terrorist threat. Can he overcome his speech impediment? Will he utter the word "Muslim" even once? Don't miss it!!!

Mugabe not a "goblin", sez Chief Justice of Zimbabwe

One of these critters is a goblin. The other one...isn't. So says the Honourable Godfrey Chidyausiku, Chief Justice of Zimbabwe, in a statement on the case against former Nyanga North Member of Parliamet Douglas Mwonzora, who stands accused of labelling President Robert Mugabe a “goblin” during a rally held in Nyanga in 2009.

The judge wanted Zimbabwe's state prosecutors to explain whether it was constitutional for the State to prosecute politicians for calling the Head of State "Gamatox"* or "weevil" while addressing political rallies.

"Politicians call each other names such as weevils and Gamatox, are you suggesting that you prosecute people for that?" Mr. Justice Chidyausiku asked.

"If somebody calls the President a weevil or Gamatox, are you going to prosecute that person? It is part of the trade of politics. Why are you bringing such matters to the Constitutional Court? The President is not a goblin and we all know that. Why should the law bother itself about it? You have to be an imbecile to believe that the President is a goblin."

But, the State prosecutor replied, Mr. Mwonzora’s labelled the Head of State a goblin which "feeds on human blood". (Walt can't tell what's on the plate in the picture, but it doesn't look like blood.)

"The statement causes ridicule to the President who is viewed as a monster, bad person who causes problems and feeds on human blood," the prosecutor went on. "This is why the State insists that the statement constitutes an offence."

However, counsel for the accused argued, Mr. Mwonzora’s statements did not constitute an offence, but were subjective and meaningless since Mugabe was not a goblin.

In the same speech, Mr. Mwonzora is alleged to have castigated Comrade Bob's alleged bad governance, thieving, arrest of innocent individuals and the seizure of their property. The State prosecutor has chosen not to focus on that part.

* "Gamatox" is the brand name of an insecticide sold in Zimbabwe.

"No more killing albinos for good luck!" warns Swazi king

Even though it's been "liberated" from the "civilization" imposed by the evil white settlers, Darkest Africa remains a continent where old and barbaric notions and practices still inform daily life. One of the most powerful is witchcraft.

Witchcraft is used throughout sub-Saharan Africa to ensure sexual satisfaction, good fortune in business, and "fix" things like the results of soccer games and elections. Yes, elections, and they do have them, even in autocratic states like the tiny kingdom of Swaziland.

In fact, elections are expected later this year, and King Mswati III has already warned politicians against committing murder and other "acts of magic" to get elected. Ritual killings are common in Swaziland, and elsewhere in Africa, with practitioners of “muti” – a catch-all for traditional medicine and witchcraft – using limbs or body parts as amulets.

The king's stern admonition has not gone far enough to satisfy Swaziland's albino community. They are calling on the government for protection fearing their body parts will be harvested by candidates seeking good luck.

The Pretoria (South Africa) Daily News quotes Skhumbuzo Mndvoti, a leader of the community in the southern town of Nhlangano as saying, "Those in authority must make sure our safety is guaranteed. I can warn adults and parents of albino children to take extra care during these election days."

In the past albinos as well as epileptics have been specifically targeted. Another community leader said such albino killings regularly took place, but in the past were masked by rumours about albino behaviour. "People were told that when an albino dies, he would go and die far away where he or she would not be found. I think they were killed.", he said.

Mr. Mndvoti blamed witchdoctors who mislead people into believing that using human body parts will help them win seats to parliament or prosper in business. But the President of the Traditional Healers of Swaziland said those who misled people to use ritual murder to win elections or wealth were witches and wizards and not traditional healers.

"A witch is born and never trained but a traditional healer undergoes intensive training to heal people through traditional means," Nhlavana Maseko told the press. "We have a problem here in Swaziland of the colonial law called the Witchcraft Act which does not make a difference between a traditional healer and a witch or wizard."

Yes, obviously the wicked British colonizers didn't understand. Or couldn't understand. It's an African thing.

Note from Ed.: I couldn't find a picture of a Swazi albino to go with this piece, so hope this photo of some other Swazis will do. And we do have a video, currently sitting at the top of the WWW list of most-watched videos.

Africa today: Zimbabwe couple terrified by goblins

As careful readers will have worked out, Walt has connections with and in southern Africa -- in particular, Zimbabwe, the fief of one of the Comrade Bob Mugabe, one of the world's worst dictators.

It is tempting to say that under Mugabe's "majority rule" -- read, black rule -- Zimbabwe has gone back to bush, just like the rest of sub-Saharan Africa. The truth is that even now, in the 21st century, many Africans still have "one foot in the bush", as the old saying goes.

Here's an example, from today's online edition of NewsDay, an independent (not state-controlled) Zimbabwean Daily. I'll just quote it verbatim. No comment or editorial embellishment could make it more bizarre. Reader discretion is advised!

'Goblins' haunt couple

The love for quick riches has backfired for a Bulawayo man who yesterday confessed to buying five “goblins” which he said were now sexually molesting his wife. Malibeni Mhlanga of Entumbane suburb confessed to NewsDay yesterday his “goblins” were traumatising his wife, Margaret Dube.

Mhlanga said he bought the five “goblins” in Insuza — 80km north of Bulawayo — but he now remained with two as the other three were killed in an exorcising ceremony. The man claimed he acquired the goblins to amass wealth, but all that had remained a pipedream as the traditional healer who sold him the creatures had died.

His neighbours said their wives were also being sexually abused by the gnomes at night. Scores of residents gathered at Mhlanga’s home yesterday demanding that he be removed from the area.

“I am seeking assistance to ensure the removal or destruction of these goblins because it now affects our daily lives such that we cannot even live in our own house,” he said. “I had five goblins, but two have remained and I cannot live in this house. I urinate blood every time, and it has sex with my wife every time.”

His wife confirmed the “abuse”. “It walks like a goat, and when it has sex with me, I often feel tired and spit blood. One day my bag was mysteriously increasing in size and we called a Gokwe prophet to cleanse our homestead. It (the goblin) looked like an owl, the prophet removed two snakes, a human-creature-like goblin which when ripped apart contained a picture of our son,” she said.

“After the event, a tenant who lived here was involved in an accident. We have sought assistance from the police and we had a meeting with the councillor yesterday. This thing is a mysterious. It is a power that is in use.”

Dube said the goblin follows her to an extent where her relatives do not want to live with her.

Goblin discovered in suburb of African capital

Further to my recent review of The Masque of Africa by V.S. Naipaul, I reprint here, without further comment, a story that appeared today on the Zimbabwean NewsDay website.
Lest you think I'm making this up, here's the link.

Goblin found in Chitungwiza

A strange-looking object, believed to be a goblin, became the centre of attraction for scores of Chitungwiza residents near Makoni Shopping Centre on Friday morning.

The goblin, which had a cone-shaped horn with what looked like human hair attached to it with red, black and white beads, was spotted by a woman who said she had gone to throw away rubbish at a nearby dump site.

According to the woman who claimed to have seen the goblin first, it was removed from a bag of mealie-meal by street kids.

“I was coming to throw rubbish away when I saw that thing (goblin) which street kids nearby said they had taken out of a 10kg mealie-meal bag as they wanted to use the mealie-meal to cook sadza,” the woman said. “That’s when I started calling people to come and see.”

A local man, Rangarirai Mutomba, emerged from the crowd and left people dumbfounded when he lifted the goblin and said such things were the source of suffering for a lot of people before ripping it apart and exposing its insides filled with reddish powder.

“People should not believe in these things. God is there and he is the only one who can answer your problems, no one else. I don’t know why people use these things because they do not work,” said Mutomba.

An eyewitnesses at the scene said: “It is an act of witchcraft used by many people thinking that they would be rich if they use those goblins. That’s why they keep them. But if you see it abandoned like this it would have become a problem to the owner.”

Mutomba said: “A lot of these things happen and the people never go far with them. Throwing it away like this means they couldn’t handle it anymore.”