True (stupid!) crime stories

Kind of a slow news day yesterday. Canadian Prime Minister Blackie McBlackface followed President Brandon's lead ["leash", shurely. Ed.] by saying Canada would join the "diplomatic boycott" of the upcoming Beijing Olympics. Meaningless virtue-signalling is what liberal democrats are good at. Do the Chinese give a 粪? Not so's you'd notice....

But that's not what I wanted to talk about. My topic for today is the stupidity of the "reparations shopping" now forcing businesses in Democrat-controlled cities across the Paranoid States of America to board up their windows. If I were Neiman-Marcus [You wish! Ed.], I'd close all my brick-and-mortar shops and allow people to buy my over-priced junk only online. If the department stores, electronics stores, clothing stores, liquor stores, etc all did that, certain "communities" would be left with nothing to loot but grocery stores.

Senseless and stupid crime does not pay, as witness these True Stories, taken from the "Crime Report" in the August 1987 issue of National Lampoon. 

A man was charged with robeery after passing an Orlando FL bank teller a stickup note written on the back of his own probation-parole card.

Another man held up the First Insterstate Bank in Tucson AZ with a note written on the back of his own pay stub. [He was employed?! Ed.]

A sixteen-year-old Marvin, of Rochester NY, was arrested after his report card was found at the site of a burglary. "His marks weren't too good either," said a police spokesthingy.

A Mount Pleasant SC man called police and claimed he had placed bombs thoughout the Charleston and Columbia airport terminals. He demanded that two million dollars be placed in his bank account, and supplied police with the name of the bank and the account number.

Police in Fulton County GA [site of a hyuge fraud in November 2020. Ed.] said an Atlanta man entered a bank there and handed the teller a note demanding a bag of money. He was arrested after he left the bank, walked across the street to a Starvin' Marvin and bought a beer.

San Mateo CA cops arrested a man for the theft of a 400-lb. safe from a hotel less than a block from his home. They followed the gouge marks he left in the concrte as he dragged the safe home.

And in Utah, when police arrested a man suspected of breaking a 7-11 window, he denied it. But when he was told a clerk had seen him, he remarked, "No-one saw me. I waited until there wewre no customers in the store."

Got time for one more? After robbing assistant restaurant manager Janice Head at knifepoint and taking her pocketbook, the assailant called to ask her out. Nashville TN police arrested him when he showed up for his date.

[Do you suppose that the victim, before she became assistant manager of the restaurant, was the Head waitress? Ed.]

The "All-New Super-Colossal True Facts Section" of the August 1987 National Lampoon has hundreds of rib-tickling stories like this, proving once again that truth is funnier than fiction. Our sponsor has one (1) copy for sale here.

Further reading: "Mayor Lori Lightfoot Blames Chicago Retailers for Not Fighting Crime", by John Nolte, Breitbart News, 9/12/21. True crime story! Excerpt: "...the retail smash-and-grab epidemic is not the fault of the Democrats who run Chicago’s government as an unopposed monopoly. Instead, it is retailers’ fault, so they must now 1) create a private police force, 2) lock up all their merchandise, and 3) stop attracting crime with all their fancy merchandise."

Who's to blame for "mostly peaceful protests"?

You could see it coming. Here's what happens after years of crime and corruption, economic stagnation and rising unemployment, the crumbling of the state in key sectors such as electricity and transport, a growing lawlessness in many regions, and an unofficial policy of impunity for violent street mobs. 

What you see in the pix is not "reparations shopping" in Chicago, St Louis, San Francisco or Portland -- all those fine Democratic cities -- but black people rioting and looting in Johannesburg and other cities of South Africa. Happening right now, it's what the gliberals call "mostly peaceful protests" against the imprisonment of former president Jacob Zuma after convictions on charges of corruption and malfeasance. 

As in the Excited States of America, folks of the coloured persuasion seize on any excuse for rioting and looting. So bad is the situation that the SA government has called up 25,000 army reservists in an attempt to restore order. They will likely find themselves outnumbered, as tens of thousands continue to attack shopping malls and set factories ablaze. ("No more work! Let's go shoppin'!") 

In Durban (the largest city in Mr Zuma's KwaZulu-Natal province), some 45,000 businesses have been affected by the "unrest" (the PC term). Across the country, food and fuel shortages are worsening. At least 200 shopping centres have been ransacked by looters, and national highways have been shut down, endangering alrelady tenuous supply chains.The official death toll, as of this morning, stands at 72, but unofficial reports put the number of deaths in stampedes and shootings in the 1000s.

Who is to blame for all this? Must be whitey, right? Isn't South Africa the country where they have that apartheid system to keep the fuzzy-wuzzies down and the white on top? Errr, no. "Settler rule", as the United Nations called it, ended in 1994, when Nelson Mandela became president. 

That was 27 years ago. And -- trust me on this, I was there -- that's when the decline of what was theretofore the most developed, most prospereous country in Africa began. That's when smart Afrikaaners started leaving for places where white folks still run things, like Australia and Canada. [Those who went to Canada must be really disappointed! Ed.] 

South Africa was given back to its aboriginal peoples, and has now become just like all the other shitholes of darkest Africa. There's a lesson there somewhere, for those who are not blinded by ant-white racism and political correctness. 

Who's running the municipal governments of Chicago, Atlanta, Detroit and Baltimore? Not white Republicans! And what is happening in those and similar failing American cities? Persistent crime and corruption, years of economic stagnation and rising unemployment, etc etc. 

The difference between those cities and, say, Johannesburg, is that in the USA, it's all because of things that some white people did to some black people nearly two centuries ago. Maybe if we tear down some more statues, rename some more streets, and start teaching white kids about how rotten they are, the rioting and looting will stop. Right? LMAO!

Just released! Nike Commemorative Shoes

Ed. here. If it were up to Walt, we'd just repost articles from the Babylon Bee, "your trusted source for Christian satire". Every day. But that wouldmean he would never have to write anything again. It's bad enough that I let him get away with just a big picture or two, earlier this week. That said, some of BB's stuff is just too good not to share with you. Like this.

Taken from "Nike Releases Commemorative Shoe To Honor Looters", 2/6/20. Keep up the good work, Bee people!

Justice for Zemir Begic!

You think "the truth is out there"? Hah! If by "out there" you mean "in the mass media", you are sadly mistaken. All you're going to get from the lamestream media in the USA and Canada is "all the truth that fits"  into their secular humanist, politically correct template. Anything that doesn't fit, that contradicts political and social orthodoxy, will be ignored.

Case in point: the murder of Zemir Begic, beaten to death by hammer-wielding assailants on Sunday morning in... wait for it... St. Louis.

You didn't hear about it? Gee, what a surprise! The story has been notably and woefully under-reported by the American meeja. Why? Because Mr. Begic was white -- a Bosnian immigrant -- and the killers were... wait for it... black.

Mr. Begic was driving his car with two passengers, including his fiancée, when something hit his vehicle. When he got out, he was confronted and assaulted by several dark-complected attackers. He was unconscious when emergency personnel arrived on the scene, and later died at a local hospital.

Police have arrested three teenage suspects and charged them with murder. They are still looking for a fourth. Although the suspects are black (or at least non-white), and the victim was white, a St. Louis police spokesthingy says that they have no indication that race was a factor in the attack. And if you believe that, he has some nice bottom land on the banks of the Mississippi he'd like to sell you.

Given that the attack occurred less than 14 miles from the town of Ferguson, which has been under a bright media spotlight since the August shooting of a black teen by a white police officer, local residents have been quick to draw comparisons.

In "The protesters near Ferguson who are begging for more police", a member of the city's small Bosnian community is quoted thus. "In Ferguson, they want to make a protest about nothing and yet that attracted attention across the nation. We're just trying to keep more police down here because of these little thugs."

The Post's reporter observes that it's police inaction, not action, that has demonstrators angered. He describes the scene at the protests, drawing an implied comparison to the occasionally violent demonstrations that took place after officer Darren Wilson was cleared by a grand jury last week in the shooting death of Michael Brown.

"The protesters did not chant," writes Todd Frankel. "The protesters didn't hurl insults at police. Some huddled around a bonfire on a garage's parking lot. A memorial for Begic with stuffed animals began to take shape in a corner. The protesters only edged into the street whenever police showed signs of losing interest and departing."

Outside of St. Louis, the murder of Mr. Begic has gone largely unnoticed. However, the story has gained traction among conservative commentators and bloggers, who view it as an example of media and liberal activist hypocrisy.

Why is there nation-wide outrage over the death of Michael Brown -- shown on video to be one of the "thugs" from whom the larger community wants police protection -- but silence on the murder of Zemir Begic -- by all accounts a law-abiding immigrant trying to make his way in a land he came to to escape just such race-based violence?

If the episode can somehow be linked to the Ferguson demonstrations, that fact could be used to discredit the protest as a whole. Some might even think that the looting, the vandalism, the mindless violence and attacks on white people are somehow related -- the criminal acts of a lawless and violent... and black... underclass.

St. Louis cop shoots unarmed (?) teen II

Walt is going to write this very carefully, so that his dear readers don't jump to any conclusions.

On Wednesday night, an off-duty St. Louis MO city policeman shot and killed a young male suspect. Here is how it all went down, according to St. Louis Police Lt. Col. Alfred Adkins. He told reporters that the officer approached four men on the street to question them. Then, "as [the officer] he exited the car [I believe he means "got out". Ed.], the gentlemen took off running. He was able to follow one of them before he lost him and then found him again as the guy jumped out of some bushes across the street. The officer approached, they got into a struggle, they ended up into a gangway, at which time the young man pulled a weapon and shots were fired. The officer returned fire and unfortunately the young man was killed."

Teyonna Myers, 23, of Florissant MO, has a different version. She said the deceased, her cousin Vonderrick Myers Junior, 18, had only been carrying a sandwich. "He was unarmed," she told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. "He had a sandwich in his hand, and they thought it was a gun. It’s like Michael Brown all over again."

Oops. Looks like Teyonna let the cat out of the bag. Walt was just testing to see how long it would take you to conclude that the hooter was white and the shootee black. And so they were.

The Post-Dispatch reported that dozens of protesters assembled shortly afterwards in the Grand and Shaw area of south St. Louis. That's only a few miles from Ferguson, which has been the scene of the customary protests -- looting and rioting, you might say -- nearly every night since the fatal shooting in August of Michael Brown, also 18 years old, also unarmed, and also an innocent boy who was getting his life together, yada yada yada.

Memo to Ed.: Save this copy for future use. I'm getting tired of writing the same story over and over again. Walt.

Top MO cop says Ferguson chaos is going to "make us better"

It's been a quiet week in Fort Mudge, where the men are good-looking, the women are strong, and the children are just about average. Garrison Keillor beat you to that lead-in. Ed. OK, it's been a quiet weekend in Fort Mudge, but not so far away, in Ferguson MO, things just go from bad to worse.

Walt is checking out reports of yesterday's protests and demonstrations. When not busy looting stores and throwing rocks and Molotov cocktails at the cops, the protesters are chanting for "justice", meaning, it would seem, "justice" for Michael Brown and only Michael Brown. If there were any justice for the looters they'd be shot on sight. But of course that would be yet another example of Armerican racism, since the looters are 99.99% black.

Last night's curfew seems to have been more or less observed, perhaps because the looters were sleeping off their hangovers after the effects of Saturday night's looted hooch wore off.

Or maybe the rabble were in church, listening to the "Reverend" Al Sharpton rouse them. Here we see a picture of the Rev coaching Michael Brown Junior's parents -- Michael Brown Senior and Lesley McSpade [Ed., please check spelling.] -- to make sure they've got their stories straight about what a good boy "Junior" was.

Too bad that the videos and still pix released by the Ferguson P.D. give the lie to the contention that the young man was nothing more than a hulking innocent -- a "gentle giant" as one speaker called him. He didn't look so gentle beating on the shopkeeper as he stole the box of cigars.

But really, you know, it was bad of the cops to show those pix. An NAACP spokesthingy appeared on TV to call doing so "posthumous character assassination". And Missouri Governor Jay Nixon called the publication of the pictures -- the veracity of which is unquestioned -- "unhelpful", which is what liberals always call any message which disagrees with their party line. He said the release of the footage "appeared to cast aspersions" on the dead man -- tsk tsk! -- and "made emotions raw".

That was just before Governor Nixon called out the Missouri National Guard, to restore order, which the militarized police and state patrol had failed to do. Sure. When the paramilitary types can't get the job done, call out the "real" military.

Mr. Nixon's speech wasn't helpful either. Walt wonders if the gov has any feeling at all for the reality of life in places like Ferguson. But today's award for proficiency in putting lipstick on a pig goes to that Master of Political Correctness, Captain Ron Johnson of the Missouri State Patrol. Preaching at a Ferguson church, he said "We need to thank the Browns for Michael.... It's gonna make us better.... Let's continue to show this nation who we are.... We need to thank Michael for his life [and for] the change he's gonna make.... I'll stand tall wichya and I'll see ya out there!"

Click here to see the video clip [preferably before eating. Ed.] and ask yourself, was this helpful? Yeah, Ron, see ya on the street!

Ferguson MO: La loota continua!

Walt doesn't usually run more than one picture per post, but the race riot -- for that's what it is -- in Ferguson MO deserves more. These three, from the online edition of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, tell you all you need to know about race relations in America, or at least in this typical mid-west American city.

The first two were taken at the QuikTrip in the 9400 block of Florissant Road. We see members of the black underclass -- for that's what it is -- helping themselves to whatever they can carry away. Why? To protest racism and police brutality of course.

Notice that the young buck pictured here is wearing the traditional baggy pants costume of his people.

When all the mess is cleaned up, and the stores are boarded up, leaders of this "community" will doubtless be heard complaining that there's nowhere to buy food or clothing or anything else because the racist white business establishment is disciminating against their 'hood.

And here's the response of the establishment. The Post-Dispatch says the police, now turned into soldiers, are firing teargas. Walt is no expert, but the weapon being aimed by the cop (soldier?) in the centre looks more like an assault rifle. Yes, just another example of racist police shooting at poor innocent black folks.

Click here to see the entire gallery from the Post-Dispatch. La loota continua!

Kenya: a lot of damage for only 4 terrorists

New estimates of the death toll in the terrorist attack on a Nairobi shopping mall keep coming in. The Kenyan government -- whose president is awaiting trial in the International Criminal Court -- says there might be another 4 bodies left in the rubble. Or maybe 6. The Red Cross says there are three dozen (or so) still missing. As with most things in Africa, who knows?

Another interesting number has leaked out this week. Reviews of extensive CCTV footage suggests that there were fewer al-Shabaab terrorists than the Kenyan army claimed. It is now believed that the Islamic extremists numbered four. That's 4 -- count `em, FOUR!

Which begs the question, how could four crazed Muslims cause so much damage? You've likely seen video clips showing a huge crater which used to be the centre of the Westgate Mall, apparently destroyed by the explosion of several RPGs. The grenades seem to have been fired by, errr, "rescuers" from the Kenyan army. How many bodies are buried in the rubble is as yet unknown.

Other videos seen in this report from the Sydney Morning Herald, show a horrendous amount of looting -- much more than could have been perpetrated by four crazed Muslims who were probably already dead. Mannequins were stripped clean, jewellery cases smashed, racks of expensive suits carted off, and dozens of cash registers cracked open. At least one member of the Kenyan "security services" was arrested, caught with a bloody wallet.

According to the paper, the looting appeared to have the scope and organisation of a large-scale military operation, and many Kenyans are speculating that it was just that. From the first hours after Islamist militants burst into the mall on September 21 until a week later, when shopkeepers were let back in to sweep up the broken glass, very few people were allowed inside the mall except the Kenyan security forces, mainly the army.

More and more Kenyans believe those soldiers methodically cleaned out the mall, and that the barrages of gunfire ringing out for days were being directed not at the last of the militants but at safes and padlocks to blast them open. Some business leaders even question whether the Kenyan army deliberately prolonged the crisis by saying shooters were still in the building when they were actually dead, to give themselves extra time to steal.

Witnesses said that the most they saw militants loot was a couple cans of soda, and shopkeepers cited no instances of panicked shoppers helping themselves to merchandise as they ran for their lives, leading to the widespread conclusion that the security forces must have been involved.

The Herald reports, rightly, that Kenyans are accustomed to corruption. Corruption is the norm in sub-Saharan Africa, and Kenya is consistently rated as one of the worst of the worst.

And there's a second payoff for Kenya. Western governments, still suffering pangs of white liberal guilt, are falling all over themselves to send millions of your tax dollars to Kenya's corrupt government and thuggish military. It's all about fighting terrorism, they say. But who are the terrorists? Will Western aid and intervention succeed in making Africa a safe and better place to live? Walt says there are two chances -- slim and none.

Thanks to Agent 17 for sending along the report from the Antipodes.

Highly recommended reading: The Africans, by David Lamb. Vintage Books, 1987.