Three doctor stories to brighten your Sunday

It's been an intense week here in Lake Woebegon. [Don't forget about the Copyright Act. Ed.] OK... It's been an intense week all over the world, what with global warming (Maybe there is something to that!), #MeToo (Helloo dere, Les Moonves!), and Islamic jihadists killing scores of people (mostly Muslims, to be sure) in the usual shitholes. And that's not even counting outbreaks of Trump Derangement Syndrome over some meeting in some Tower. One of Walt's assiduous (and sometimes acidulous) agents thinks we need a bit of humour to get us through Sunday, and has submitted the following stories, which for some reason all involve kindly family doctors.

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Saint Petersburg (God's waiting room). "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
"However, there is one thing that's the most dangerous of all, and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding cake."

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and lower the family’s in the community, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

A mother took her six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. "Gee, Mom," he exclaimed, "for me?"
"Just take two," Brenda replied. "The rest are for your father."

Thanks to our esteemed agent (so called on account of he travels on an esteem train) and all the good doctors out there.

Dr. Geezer proves age and guile beat youth and innocence every time

It's been a quiet Sunday (so far) here in Lake Wobegon. [Don't go there. Didn't you hear that Garrison Keillor is a victim of #MeToo? Ed.] OK, it's beautiful day in the neighbourhood. [Get on with it. Ed.] Walt is grateful to Agent 9 for sending along a story which should tickle the funnybone of all the old geezers out there... and serve as a warning to young whippersnappers.

A retired physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic. Over the door, he put up a sign that read: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1000."

Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.

Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Aaagh! -- This is gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

Understandably annoyed, Dr. Young went back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't! That's gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

After having lost $1000 in less than week, Dr. Young left angrily, but came back a few days later, looking for revenge.

Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak. I can hardly see anything!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, so here is your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill).
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

Moral of story: Just because you're "young" doesn't mean you can outsmart an "old geezer". And remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick us off.

Note from Ed. to Agent 9: Your prize for submitting the best "Laughter is the Best Medicine" [Don't go there. Walt] story for May is in the mail!