You had to sit next to the airliner toilet? Gee, that's too bad...

And now for something completely different....

A passenger on the Scandinavian airline SAS has failed in his complaint about allegedly unpleasant circumstances while flying due to the toilet's proximity to his premium-class seat. The Norwegian news agency NTB reports that the man demanded 2,000 Norwegian kroner ($198) in compensation.

Despite his costlier ticket, he had to endure a line of waiting passengers' backsides in his vicinity during the flight from Oslo to Sharm el-Sheikh in Egypt. Moreover, according to the complaint, some people queuing broke wind while he was eating his meal.

As a result, he maintained that he was unable to enjoy his flight at the beginning of the year. SAS rejected the petition, noting that the flight had proceeded without incident. It could therefore not offer him any compensation for his experience on board. 

The supervisory authority's complaints office agreed with the airline's position that no compensation should be paid.

VIDEO: Every skinny white airline passenger's nightmare

This is a coincidental follow-up to "Why Walt doesn't fly any more - 'Allahu akbar!' in the air", WWW 25/1/19. I must admit that, no matter how useless you think the TSA is, you don't find yourself on the plane with a fanatical Muslim all that often, at least not in North America. But the scene in today's video is all too real, and happens all that often because of the fattitude of average Americans -- the kind you see on Judge Judy. Check this out.



On January 2nd, the unidentified white woman seen in the video booted off a United Airlines flight from Las Vegas to Newark for having the audacity to complain -- not to the airline but to a friend on the phone -- about being seated between two very large black people, who she said were "squishing" her. The video was shot by the BBW on the woman's left, a nurse named Norma Rodgers, who subsequently posted it to FB to proclaim the couple's victory over fat-shaming and "negativity".

The lamestream media reports say it was Ms Rodgers who was subjected to verbal abuse, which is what she claims in her complaint to the flight attendant. What I heard the white lady say was "Oh my goodness! I don't know how I'm going to do this for the next four hours. This is just impossible cause they're squishing me. Like, friggin' just unbelievable. At least they’ll keep me warm. I can't sit here because they're both so big on left and right. I can't even sit here."

Sounds to me more like a statement of fact, rather than abuse, and please note the white lady's saying it not to Ms Rodgers but to whoever's on the other end of her cellphone conversation. It's the BBW who stops chewing on her cud to say, "Bitch, please. OK?!" Who's aboozin' whom? And Ms Rodgers is the one who says to the FA, "I will not be verbally abused by anybody. I'm not tolerating it!"

The flight attendant asks the woman if she would like to wait in the rear while they see if there is a free seat, and the offer is accepted "Thank goodness." That's when other passengers decide to confront the lady because, obviously, she's white and she doesn't want to sit with the black folkses.

One gentleman, who appears to be of the coloured persuasion, shouts that the woman's complaint is really all about MAGA. The woman tells replies that she's "not politically correct" and adds, "Why don't you try and sit between those two big pigs?" Notice that she didn't say "black" or any other race-related word. Nor did she say "fat". It's the BBW who shouts "Bitch, kiss my fat ass!" as the white lady is led away.

Such is the state of interpersonal relations in the "post-racial America" which was ushered in by the (first) election of the Prez. How wonderful to be alive in America now. Just don't count on the "friendly skies" being as friendly as they once were.

VIDEO: Why Walt doesn't fly any more - "Allahu akbar!" in the air

I used to be a frequent flyer, and I'm not just talking North America, but Europe, Asia and even the Dark Continent. Saw a lot of weird stuff, but never (thanks be to God) anything like this.



According to Aerotime News, this happened yesterday afternoon aboard a Boeing 737-800 operated by Transavia (the discount airline of Air France-KLM) as flight TO4118 from Paris Orly to Tunis Carthage International Airport.

Somewhere over Sardinia, the big guy with the beard, a Tunisian and a devout follower of the Prophet Mohammed, decided he wanted to go into the aisle of the aircraft to say his prayers. The cabin crew took a dim view of this -- perhaps luncheon was being served -- and wrestled the man, heard shouting "Allahu akbar!" to the deck.

You can also hear passengers shouoting, perhaps responding to the man's cries that he was Muslim like them and that they should help him! Aerotime News quotes local news outlet France Bleu as saying the cabin crew thought the man was heading for the cockpit and they'd better do something before there was an MH370-type incident.

After the man was subdued, the plane was diverted to the Nice-Côte d’Azur airport, where it landed safely. Although he fought furiously, again shouting "Allahu akbar", the passenger was arrested by the gendarmes and transported (at no extra charge) to the local hoosegow. However, "after medical examination, his health condition led to lifting custody in the prospect of forced hospitalization in a psychiatric facility," according to the city prosecutor.

The rest of the passengers spent the night in Nice before continuing their trip this morning. [Nice! Ed.]

Fear and loathing at the airport

It has been years since Walt boarded an airplane. There are multiple reasons for this, and fear of flying itself is not one of them. What I fear and detest and avoid like the plague is the experience of going on an airplane voyage in the 21st century.

Gone are the days when I could afford to fly first or business class. How I used to enjoy sipping my vodka 'n' tonic while the hoi polloi filed past to their little seats in the back. But now, if I flew, I would be relegated to the SBS (Screaming Baby Section) with the rest of the cattle.

Here's the problem with "coach". The seats are getting smaller, but the cattle are getting bigger!

Let's talk cabin configuration. Back in the day when the 747 was the biggest thing in the air, many airlines had 2-4-2 or 2-5-2 seating in coach, so you had only a minimal chance of getting stuck in a dreaded middle seat. "Never more than one seat from the aisle" was OK.

Now we have 767's, 777's, and their Airbus equivalents, and the airlines have discovered that with 3-3-3 seating they can squeeze 9 pax into a narrower cabin! Sure, they've bulked up the seat cushions a bit so the seats don't look so skinny, but the seats are narrower.

Or maybe it's just my impression, an optical illusion created by the fact that those who fly are so much wider! Have you seen some of the behemoths waddling through our airports these days?

I took Mrs. Walt to the airport a couple of days ago for her annual jaunt to the mysterious east, and watched in slack-jawed disbelief at the down-filled mammoths in the check-in lines. I felt Mrs. Walt's fear as she attempted to peek at the seat number on the boarding pass of the gargantua ahead of her.

And here's the thing. The blubberbutt who sits beside you and needs a seat-belt extension to satisfy the FAA pays the same fare as you do, even though they really occupy two seats -- their own and half the space on either side as their bulk oozes over and under the armrest.

They get the same weight allowance for their luggage too. Mrs. Walt weighs about 100 pounds soaking wet -- we put a scale in the shower to check -- and can bring with her two suitcases of 50 pounds each, total 200 pounds. The circus exhibit behind her, weighing in at 250 if she's an ounce, adds 350 pounds to the plane's take-off weight, for the same price.

The fare's not fair! Why not just weigh the passenger and the luggage and charge by the pound-mile! [Or kilogram-kilometre, for the metric-minded. Ed.]

And don't get me started on airport "security". The terrorists [if they really exist. Ed.] have made prisoners of us in our own country! I don't need or want to have my junk touched. If I want to hear laughter, I'll try stand-up comedy. And really, what's the point of it? They couldn't even catch one guy with explosives in his shorts. Seriously, can anyone report an instance of a terrorist being caught by airport "security"? Just one?! I thought not.

So, taking all this into account, I'm grounding myself until further notice. In fact, I think I'll be like Nero Wolfe and just stay in my house tending to my orchids.

Not in Kentucky yet

I was hoping to post this from Kentucky -- Lexington, perhaps -- where I hope to join in the celebration of Ayn Rand's victory in tomorrow's senate race. [Errr... that would be Rand Paul. Ed.]

McClatchy reports a recent Mason-Dixon poll has Rand (or Paul... whoever) 5 points ahead of Democrat Jack Conman [Errr... oh, never mind. Ed.] But the only poll that counts is the one on election day, so all you Tea Partiers better get out there!

But I digress. I am not yet in Kentucky...though I once knew a gal from ole Kentuck. I am stuck at the airport where I've been held up by security for failing to remove my shoes. That's because I wasn't wearing shoes! But, it seems, the rules clearly state that all pax must remove shoes, so here I stand.

Surely I can't be the only one who thinks airport security has reached ridiculous heights. What happened to our individual rights and freedoms, including the right to go barefoot! Dammit, where I come from, a man wants to die with his boots on...but live with his boots off if he chooses!

Flight attendant snaps, blasts, bails

Great story in yesterday's New York Times about an incident at JFK. Steven Slater, the mild-mannered and pleasant-looking guy you see here, is...or was...a fight attendant [formerly "steward", ed.] with JetBlue. Yesterday he made a spectacular CEM -- Career-Ending Move.

Agent 59 was, until retirement, a FA for a large international airline. She never tired of telling Walt how stupid and horrible many of the passengers were. "Pigs in space", she called them.

Now, with the ever-increasing frustrations of air travel -- endless security checks, smaller seats [bigger pax? ed.], no food -- passengers are getting more surly day by day. And who do they take it out on? The FAs!

Yesterday Steven Slater couldn't take it any more. Before the plane had reached the gate, a passesnger stood up to get his luggage out of the overhead bin. Slater told him to sit down. The passenger defied the FA and pulled his bag out of the bin, striking Slater on the head.

Slater asked for an apology and the passenger cursed him. You could call it an "air rage" incident, except that the plane was on the ground. Something inside Slater snapped! He got on the intercom, let loose a "string of invective" -- the Times doesn't give us a transcript -- then pulled the lever that activates the emergency-evacuation chute.

Stopping only to grab a beer from the service cart, Slater slid down the chute, the exiting not only the plane, but, Walt supposes, his career.

He was arrested at his home in Queens, a few miles from the airport, and charged with felony counts of criminal mischief and reckless endangerment. "The authorities" just don't have any sense of humour these days.

The Times doesn't report the reaction of the other passengers, but I, for one, would have applauded. In today's world, it seems, there is no courtesy or consideration for others, only "me first". Steven Slater, at least, won't have to deal with that for a while.

Be aware of ignorance

This morning we saw yet another example of the paranoia which grips the USA today [wouldn't that be a great name for a newspaper? ed.] because a barking mad Nigerian supposedly tried to ignite suspicious substances in his underpants. [No jokes about flamers, please. It's not funny! ed.]

US Airways flight 3079, en route from New York to Louisville, was landed in haste at Philthydelphia when a teenage passenger was seen with strange objects strapped to his arm and forehead.

Little did those responsible know that the mysterious objects were tefillin, a set of small boxes used by orthodox Jews when saying their prayers! The little boxes contain passages from the Bible. When used in prayer, one box is strapped to the arm while the other box is placed on the head.

Even though the USAir Express flight originated in New York, home to 1000s of the Jewish persuasion, it seems not one of the crew or passengers had ever seen an orthodox Jew praying before, hence the panic call to the bomb squad.

“It’s something that the average person is not going to see very often, if ever,” said FBI spokesman J.J. Klaver. I guess I'm not average then, for I've seen it many times, especially when flying commuter aircraft such as those used by USscair. Some of my best friends, and all that.

It shows you the depth of knowledge of the FBI agents and others charged with protecting us from the evil Muslim terrorists. The tears must be rolling down Rick Shenkman's legs!

The best comment on the whole...er...schemozzle came from Rabbi Benjamin Blech, an assistant professor at New York's Yeshiva University. He called the incident “both humorous and outlandish” and a “wake-up call” for religious sensitivity.

But his best line was this: “We should be aware of ignorance just as much as we should be aware of terrorism.” Amin.

Eagerness to please is not a security policy

You have to laugh at Canadian Transport Minister John Baird, the Harper government's trained pit bull. When it comes to dealing with the Americans, he's more like a chihuahua bitch! Reminds me of an old Warner Brothers cartoon in which a little lap dog dances circles around a big brutish bulldog, the little dog just about wetting himself in an effort to please the big one.

Today's Toronto Star has a good editorial on the Canadian overreaction to the American overreaction, about which I wrote this morning. Have a look at "Canada's abrupt rush to scanners" to see how Call Me Steve and his toadies are all but tying themselves in knots to suck up to His Obamaness.

The terrorist threat

Walt has been told to "get real". How can you write about funny TV commercials, a follower asks, when we are surrounded by Serious Threats to Our American Way of Life? OK, he didn't put it quite that way, with the caps and all, but that was the gist of it.

Walt says: Can we (Americans) purleeze stop overreacting? More important, would Canadians and other foreigners stop overreacting to the American overreaction? Security is tighter now at Canadian airports than it is at US airports!

If I really wanted to get an explosive onto a US airliner, I'd forget about trying to board the plane at Pearson or Trudeau. I'd drive across the border to, say, Buffalo, with the explosive in my gotchees (wonder if it's itchy) and get on the plane there.

All the restrictions, patdowns, and "naked picture scans" being put in place in Canada and Europe strike me as extreme overkill, like burning down a house to kill a mouse. The effects on air travel to the "land of the free" (what a laugh that is) are already hurting international business and the not-yet-recovered economy.

If I lived in the Netherlands or Canada, let alone Pakistan or Nigeria, I'd just stay home. Come to think of it, maybe that's been the plan all along.