Happy Hallowe'en

Read somewhere that Trump trick-or-treat costumes are not selling well this year north of the World's Longest Undefended Border. Apparently Canucks are (a) not scared, (b) not amused, or (c) both of the above.

Don't feed the Biden after midnight!

These photos are NOT AI-generated. It's REAL!

Soon-to-be-former President Brandon was photographed appearing to bite babies during the Biden family's Halloween celebration at the White House last night. 

In a photo posted to "X" by Corinne Perkins, the North America Editor for Reuters Pictures, Biden was seen appearing to be leaning forward, biting a baby’s leg.People took to social media to comment that it made them feel "uncomfortable", while others expressed they enjoyed the "carefree" version of Biden. "Carefree"? Try "mindfree"!

But wait (as Vince Offer always said), there's more!

Is there a (not very well) hidden message here? Something to do with abortion? Or is this what we're going to be reduced to in the event of another Obama-Biden-Harris administration? Walt can't figure it out. Suggestions are welcome.

UPDATED: Hallowe'en greeting to President Brandon

UPDATE ADDED 1/11/21: Worth reading: "The Revolutionary Power of 'Let's Go, Brandon!'", by John Nolte, Breitbart News, 1/11/21. Lede: "For very good reason, the media and Democrats feel threatened and terrified by the 'Let’s go, Brandon!' chant, which is why we must never stop saying it."

VIDEO: Wally award for best Hallowe'en costume for a pet

Like W.C. Fields, Walt loathes children and small animals. Don't even think of sending me videos of such cuteness. All the same, every now and then I see something that tickles the ole funny bone. This one, sent along by Agent 6, gets the prestigious Wally Award for the Best Hallowe'en Costume for a Pet - Canine Division.

 

This Hallowe'en, may your house be safe from dogs dressed as tarantulas, as well as spooks, looters and things that go bump in the night..

Happy Hallowe'en? Bah! Humbug!!!

What to say when you're caught humping a pumpkin

While police work can often be dangerous, it can occasionally be entertaining. 

In Georgia recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County courthouse, Mr Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication.

In his defence, the suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. "You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside," he said, "and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around."

He went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. "Guess I was really into it, y'know," he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Mr Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience, until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Deputy Taylor. "I walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin."

Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached the defendant. "I said excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin? He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Shit, is it midnight already?!'"

The court (including the judge) could not contain their laughter. Mr Lawrence was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined ten bucks and sent on his way.

Thanks to Agent 6 for this perfect pre-Hallowe'en story.

Walt's greeting to all who celebrate Hallowe'en

One picture is worth 1000 words, they say. So I don't need to spell this out, do I? Walt dislikes Hallowe'en intensely.

I speak of "modern Hallowe'en", as it is celebrated in English-speaking North America in the year of Our Lord [and don't you forget it! Ed.] 2013. In some parts of our land, more money is spent on decorations and costumes and parties for Hallowe'en than is spent on celebrating Christmas. Just another sign of our sick society's abandonment of Christian values and adoption of paganism. Because that's what Hallowe'en is -- a pagan festival!

In medieval times ignorant people believed strongly in the devil and all his works -- witchcraft, vampires and zombies, ghoulies and ghosties and long-legged beasties and things that go bump in the night. As so beautifully illustrated in the "Night on Bald Mountain" sequence in Disney's Fantasia, they thought that on the eve of All Hallows Day (= All Saints Day), the poor sould suffering for their sins in Purgatory rose from their graves for a night of revelry, after which they would return to the netherworld for another year. That is the origin of our modern Hallowe'en and the idea of dressing up as ghosties, etc etc.

But aren't we carrying it a bit far, these days? Why the sudden fascination with zombies, the "living dead", who tonight will be seen in their numbers stumbling along our streets? Zombies are the flavour of the month -- or year. Last year vampires, this year zombies. Go figure.

But vampires and zombies are not creatures to be admired or envied. They are the undead! In olden times, it was considered wise to drive a stake through the heart of a vampire or other evil creature, to prevent them from rising on Hallowe'en or any other night. Today we have "zombie runs" through the streets of our cities. Go figure.

Walt notes that the make-believe monsters infesting our public places are mostly teens and "young adults". Only a generation ago, Hallowe'en was for children, not juvenile delinquents. And the kids dresed up as fairies (the Tinkerbell kind), ladybugs and cute cartoon characters. All that has changed. Now it's a competition to see who can be the bloodiest and scariest. Some fun, eh, kids?

And we don't seem to have as many children calling at our cabin in the woods, because little kids are no longer allowed to be out after dark without parental supervision and "security". (That's one reason why Daylight Savings Time now ends on the first weekend of November.)

When Walt was a kid [before the earth's crust cooled. Ed.] we used to go out, by ourselves, in groups of three or four, and we roamed all over town -- OK, it was a small town -- in quest of tooth-rotting Hallowe'en kisses and other sugary goodies. Now our society is so sick that people feel the need to accompany their children, lest some pervert lure them into his lair or put something harmful -- like a razor blade concealed in an apple -- into their Gucci loot bags. And of course they only call on the houses of close neighbours, because the children must learn never to talk to strangers.

One last thought. Tomorrow is All Saints Day, and November 2nd is All Souls Day. (In countries such as Mexico and the Philippines, where Catholic tradition is still strong, All Souls Day is known as "The Day of the Dead".) At one time these were Holy Days of Obligation in the Church, and Catholics who strive to keep the Faith of our fathers should still hear Mass and pray for the souls of the faithful departed, RIP+.

Right on point (and on cue!): "Hallowe'en: when did it become so gory?", on the CBC News website.

Hallowe'en greetings (ignore if you're Catholic)

Mr. and Mrs. Whiteman extend Hallowe'en greetings to all Walt's readers. Except maybe for traditional Catholics, as explained below. To the rest of you, then...

Note to Catholic readers: You realize of course that Hallowe'en is a celebration of paganism and the occult. It promotes diabolical behaviour and strictly observant Catholics shouldn't observe it. That (and only that) is the reason why Walt's log cabin is and will remain dark and undecorated. Don't come to me looking for teeth-rotting candies, razorblade-concealing apples or (especially) a donation for UNICEF.

I'm serious about the first part, though. So is Most Rev. Andrzej Dziega, Archbishop of Szczecin, Poland, who wrote in a letter to the faithful that under the appearance of innocent fun, Hallowe'en can be "destroying the spiritual life." Hallowe'en "tricks" hide "diabolical attitudes", the prelate said, by encouraging readiness to harm the others.

And the Archbishop of Warsaw, Most Rev. Kazimierz Nycz, said in a website message that Hallowe'en goes against the teaching of the Church by promoting the "occult and magic".

So, good Catholics, please keep in mind that "Hallowe'en" is derived from "All Hallows' Eve", the eve of All Saints' Day, which is a national holiday in predominantly Catholic Poland, and still a holy day of obligation throughout the Universal Church. See you in church.

Is this the scariest goalie mask of all time?

Hey hockey fans! The Big Debate about whether players should wear visors has surfaced again after Philthydelphia's Chris Pronger got poked just above the right eye. Here's a guy who's singlehandedly hurt more players than anyone in the modern NHL, and we worry becaues he gets nicked. Is hockey getting wimpy or what?

Meanwhile... questions are also being raised (again) about the optimal design for goalie masks. Is the current "cage" design the safest? What if someone pokes a stick -- a very small stick -- through the mesh or in an eye-hole? Maybe the old solid masks were better? They were certainly better canvases for strange and scary paint jobs.

Ever since they were introduced in the modern game, by Montréal's Jacques Plante, goalies have been searching for ways to make their masks just as terrifying as the horrific disfiguration they are intended to prevent. The better to scare the opposing players, you see.

Click here to see a photo gallery of the ten scariest goalie masks of all time. Just in time to give you an idea of what to wear when you're out trick-or-treating.

Rushing the season

Why can't people wait to start decorating their houses for Christmas and, in recent years, Hallowe'en? Come to think of it, what's with decorating your house for Hallowe'en? Whose bright idea was that? The decorations manufacturers and costume-sellers, surely!

Let it be remembered that Halowe'en is a pagan celebration. If we must participate -- and lots of Christians would say we don't -- could we not confine it to the evening of October 31st?

Not far from Walt's log cabin is a house which the neighbours call "the tacky house". Here we've just got past Thanksgiving, and already the resident nutbar has his entire front yard filled with ghosts, goblins, tombstones, scarecrows and what have you, the whole thing cordoned off with yellow police tape. It is a sight for sore eyes...or maybe the right word is "eyesore". The sad thing is...there are others!

In Los Angeles, residents of a Marina del Rey neighbourhood thought a neighbour was rushing things a bit when they saw a lifeless figure on his balcony. Turns out it was real! Yes, the body of a 75-year-old man sat decomposing for days because neighbours didn't call police, thinking it was part of a Hallowe'en tableau.

Mostafa Mahmoud Zayed apparently shot himself through the eye on Monday, and started to rot where he sat, in a chair outside his third-floor apartment, according to Austin Raishbrook of RMG News.

Neighbours told Raishbrook they noticed the body three days earlier "but didn't bother calling authorities because it looked like a Halloween dummy," he said. "It's very strange," he added. "It did look unreal, to be honest."