Two Irishmen discuss the coming election

We are just over three months away from the 2020 elections for the Presidensity of the Excited States of America and other positions. Walt has not yet officially endorsed any candidates for anything but assiduous readers will understand that I would vote for Sleepy Joe Biden only if there were reliable reports of the temperature in Hell having plummeted to 0. 

So I am encouraged by the daily release by the (((controlled media))) or new polls showing that Still-President Trump is way behind Creepy Joe and certain to lose bigly come November. We heard the same thing, from the same people, four years ago. Remember?

The American elections are much discussed elsewhere in the world, including the Auld Sod. What follows purports to be a conversation between two men in an Irish pub....

Who is going to win beyond? Which of the pair would you back?
I do not know.

The brother says your man is going to win. But begob I don't know. It'll be a long time before your other man hands in his gun.
That is true.

Your man is smart, I'll agree with the brother there. And he doesn't take a jar, that's another thing that stands to him. And of course he bars the fags as well. But does that mean your other man is a buff?
Scarcely.

Oh indeed begob it doesn't. It certainly does not. Because your other man gets up very early too. It wasn't yesterday or the day before your other man came up.
He has undoubtedly certain qualities of adroitness.

Of cousre the brother looks at it the other way. He is all for your man and never had any time for your other man. Says no good could ever come out of the class of carry-on your other man has been at for the last ten years. There's a lot in that, of course. The brother certainly put his finger on it there. But it's not all on the wan side. Your man was up to some hooky work in his time too.
No doubt.

There's a pair of crows in it. And I t hink your other man is six to four on. Do you know why?
I do not.
Because he knows the place backwards, every lane and backyard in it. Lived there all his life, why wouldn't he. And of course your man doesn't know where the hell he is. And do you know why I wouldn't be sorry to see your other man coming in first?
No.

Because it would be great gas to prove the brother wrong for once. And you'll live to see it too. Because do you know what I'm going to tell you?
What?
Your man is using the whip. Do you know that? Your man is using the whip!
Is that a fact?
I'm telling you now. Begob here's me bus. Cheers!
Byebye.

It's possible they may not have been discussing the 2020 election or any American election, but you can read the conversation any way you like, depending on who your man is, of course.

This piece was actually written some time ago by Flann O'Brien, aka Brian Ó Nuallain -- O'Nolan, for Americans -- born 5 October 1911 at Strabane, County Tyrone, died 1 April 1966 (!) in Dublin. Mr O'Brien was an Irish novelist, dramatist, and, as Myles na gCopaleen, a columnist for the Irish Times newspaper for 26 years. That's him on the right in the photo above.

I've excerpted it from The Best of Myles, Picador 1977, which I recommend highly, if only (but not only) for witticisms like this one.