Chaos in the CAR: an African mess gets messier

Sub-Saharan Africa is a mess. Don't let articles written by lamestream journalists wearing rose-coloured specs fool you. Walt's agents are everywhere (especially in southern Africa) and they send us the real news. With the exception of one or two countries, Africa and its people are in worse shape today than during the much-reviled colonial era.

One of the countries which is not an exception to the rule that Africans are demonstrably unfit to govern themselves is the Central African Republic. Walt has written about it before: "
"Pray for Syria" (has a map) and ""Christians attacked every day in Mid-East, Africa and Asia

The CAR used to be a French colony, called Ubangi-Chari, later part of French Equatorial Africa.

Some of the people used to wear huge lip plates as ornaments, to the delight of such as P.T. Barnum who brought them to America to exhibit as freaks. (Before you laugh, check your mirror for tattoos and piercings!)

We'll skip over the post-colonial episode of the Central African Empire, ruled by the Emperor Bokassa 1st who used to keep chunks of his enemies' bodies in the palace freezer so he could eat them later. Bokassa was overthrown with the connivance of the French -- because he was an embarrassment -- and the CAR hasn't had a stable government since.

One of the reasons for the CAR's instability is that it is one of those countries which is torn between the Musilm north and the Christian/animist south, like Mali, Nigeria and the Sudan. As I write, Islamic extremists, supported by invaders from Chad (another basket case), Mali and Libya, are invading the CAR's capital, Bangui. The customary raping, looting and pillage has ensued. Chaos reigns.

The French (embarrassed again) have put 1500 pairs of military boots (and counting) on the ground to combat the Muslim terrorists, but are far from clearing the area. Meanwhile, more than 100,000 refugees are thronging the cathedral and the airport, clamouring for protection from the savages.

Speaking of "savages", here's a quote from Catastrophe: Europe Goes to War 1914, by Max Hastings (William Collins 2013):

Lucien Laby was in charge of an escort taking fourteen German prisoners to the rear, when their little column was suddenly beset by Senegalese troops determined to cut off the Germans' ears. After a violent scuffle, the colonial soldiers were driven back.

One big Senegalese saluted Laby and said wistfully, "O my lieutenant, you might have let me cut off two ears -- just two ears!"

A French army chaplain, while applauding the terror that such colonial infantry inspired among the Germans, deplored the difficulties of dealing with their wounded patients at his hospital: "The blacks from North Africa are almost as civilised as their Berber or Arab compatriots...[but] there are others from West Africa and the French Congo...who are very primitive indeed".

That was 99 years ago. As the French say, plus ça change...

And now... anti-Semitic GESTURES!

Until very recently, a quenelle was (only) a delicious Lyonnais dish consisting of creamed fish, chicken, or meat, sometimes combined with breadcrumbs, with a light egg binding, usually poached. Now, however, the word has acquired another meaning, which is drawing the ire of progressive thinkers and the PC police across Europe -- especially France.

As this article on the LePoint website explains, a quenelle is now a gesture, which they call "an ersatz Nazi salute".

Ersatz? Looks to Walt more like a reversed Nazi salute, with the arm extended downwards in an upside-down Sieg Heil manner. With your other arm -- I know you're already trying this at home -- you reach across your chest and touch your shoulder. Got it?

But what does it mean? Like many gestures, the quenelle is subject to interpretation. Wikipedia says the gesture was "invented" by a French "political activist and comedian" [= wiseacre. Ed.] named Dieudonné M'bala M'bala. [How French is that? Ed.]

His name (and the accompanying photo) suggest that M M'bala M'bala is a gentleman of the coloured persuasion. In the USA, it is not unknown for black "activists" to be strongly against Jews and Zionism. Malcolm X, Jesse Jackson, "the Rev" Al Sharpton and even the sainted Martin Lucifer King all made anti-Semitic statements [rants, surely. Ed.] at one time or another.

Da man (Dieudonné) says the quenelle is "an anti-establishment gesture," but critics -- and there are many! -- describe it as an expression of anti-Semitism -- an underhanded manner of expressing hatred for Jews without inviting legal prosecution. The negative intent of the gesture, they say, is further underlined by Dieudonné's history of anti-Semitic remarks and racial hatred convictions. Dieudonne was widely denounced for saying about Jewish journalist, Patrick Cohen: "When I hear Patrick Cohen speaking, I say to myself, you see, the gas chambers … too bad [they no longer exist]."

That's all ye know and all ye need to know.

Towards friendlier relations between China and Japan

Even though it's one of Walt's favourite cities, we don't often feature news from Macau on WWW. However, thanks to Agent 88, we have a picture of efforts being made to promote better relations between China (of which Macau is now a part) and Japan.

Errr, yes. This is Japanese AV girl Mizuna Rei, practising some sort of interactive communication with a Chinese visitor to the Asia Adult Expo 2013, held in Macau a couple of weeks ago.

Exactly what is going on is unclear but it appears to be a game of some sort. To judge from other pictures, AAE2013 featured a wide variety of games and other products not often seen (in public, at least) in the puritanical ABC countries. Walt notes that all of the entertainments on display seem targetted at people of the heterosexual persuasion.

Phil Robertson back on Duck Dynasty -- a WIN for the silent majority!

Walt has some great breaking news, an update on "Enough, already! Pushback against LGBT agenda gains momentum", published here just before Christmas.

Yes, folks, Phil's back on Duck Dynasty!

A&E made the announcement this afternoon. They didn't say "by popular demand" or "as a result of popular outrage". But clearly, expressions of ridicule and disgust by millions sick and tired of pandering to the "LGBT community" had their effect. Let's call it a win for our side!

Yet the pandering coninues. According to the report on the abcNEWS website, A&E couldn't resist adding that they would "use this moment to launch a national public service campaign promoting unity, tolerance and acceptance among all people, a message that supports our core values as a company, and the values found in 'Duck Dynasty.' These [ads] will air across our entire portfolio." Pass the sick bag.

10 Canadianisms that baffle Merkans and other non-English speakers

Back in September, we did a piece on Canadian English -- "Puck off, eh, hoser!" -- which a number of readers found both helpful and entertaining. In the spirit of enlightenment for which WWW is famous, we return to that theme. This is a service to those Floridians (and other Americans) about to be visited by Canucks, or folks from south of the border planning a trek into the Great Not-so-white North.

Walt is inspired and informed by "55 Canadianisms You May Not Know or Are Using Differently", an article written by Jules Sherred for the GeekMom website. Talking to Americans, Ms Sherred found them often "baffled" over what she calls her "Canadian English".

So she did a survey of 175 people from the USA, Canada, and other Commonwealth countries to find out how familiar they were with certain terms heard commonly in Canada, but not so commonly elsewhere. She came up with a list of 55 Canadianisms. Poor Len has contributed explanations and comments on ten of them. We begin with...

Yes, Michelle, it's a tuque, and a nice one too, bearing the logo of the most successful professional sports team of all time...anywhere! Americans might call this a wool hat, or a ski cap, or a knitted cap. People in Britain or Australia haven't a clue. For more on the tuque (or toque or touque) see "Hey hosers - what do you call that cap on your head?", from CBCNews.

You can bet that 1000s of people in Toronto are wearing tuques this week, even in the house. That's because they are without hydro. (And it's not Rob Ford's fault!) "Hydro" is short for hydro-electric power. In many Canadian provinces, hydro is the chief source of light and heat. And many providers of "electricity" (as it's called elsewhere) use the word "hydro" in their names: Manitoba Hydro, Newfoundland and Labrador Hydro, and BC Hydro. In Ontario, the main provider is called Hydro None.

Homo milk -- milk from transgendered cows marketed to members of the LGBT community. OK, just kidding. The term is actually short for "homogenized milk" -- milk with 3.25% butterfat. Calling homo milk "homogenized milk" isn't strictly accurate, since most of the milk sold in supermarkets and elsewhere is homogenized, regardless of its fat content.

Those who prefer beverages stronger than milk should learn about mickeys, two-fours and twenty-sixers. In the USA, a "mickey" might be a short form for "Mickey Finn", a drink laced with chloral hydrate or some other stupefying agent. [How old are you? That term was last used 90 years ago! Ed.] In Canada it refers to a 12-ounce bottle of liquor, sometimes curved to fit in one's back pocket -- a "hip flask".

A "two-four" is a case -- sometimes known as a "square" or a "flat" -- of 24 bottles (not cans) of beer. And we mean real Canadian beer, not the American stuff that's like a couple having sex in a canoe. A "twenty-sixer" is a 26-ounce bottle of liquor. The term is still used, even though the bottle actually contains only 24 ounces (or 750 ml), roughly the equivalent of an American "quart", which of course is what it's called in the US of A.

Hey... what do you call that thing along the edge of your roof, where the ice is building up on top of the leaves you didn't clean out in the fall? Americans and people living in Commonwealth countries generally refer to is as a "gutter". Canadians call it an "eavestrough", and Ms Sherred says the term is virtually unknown in any other country.

What do you put in your coffee or tea [Wozzat? Ed.] if you don't have (or are allergic to) milk or cream? Americans might use "creamer" or "non-dairy whitener", the same stuff Canadians call simply "whitener" -- any powder or liquid used to whiten coffee of tea [Wozzat? Ed.]

You could also stir it into your kid's pablum. Purists (and IP lawyers) would like that to be spelled with a capital P, as it is a trademarked name. But, I hear you ask, what is it? Pablum is a processed cereal for infants originally marketed by the Mead Johnson Company in 1931. It was developed by genuine hosers at Toronto's famous Hospital for Sick Children. Nowadays it's a Heinz product, in spite of which the word must be regarded as 100% Canadian!

Ms Sherred says the word really stumped non-Canucks, with suggested alternatives ranging from "infant cereal" and "Gerber" through "baby food" and -- in Commonwealth countries -- "rusk". [Wozzat? Ed.]

Finally -- and still on the subject of food -- we have "all-dressed", a phrase which can be applied to pizza, potato chips (not crisps!), hamburgers or hotdogs. Whatever you're having "all-dressed" comes with all the trimmings -- the works... everything... Ms Sherred says all-dressed chips are "as Canadian as poutine and maple syrup".

Footnote: Domino's and Boston Pizza, which sell takeout pizza on both sides of the World's Longest Lightly-defended Border, report that Americans, on average, ask for only one topping (other than tomato and cheese) on their pizzas. Canadians get three.

Another footnote: Mickey D's is now marketing poutine, but only in Canada. Walt finds this hard to understand, since a bowl of fries, cheese curd and gravy should be a terrific seller in the USA.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all our readers

Walt and Poor Len [and Ed.!]
wish all our readers
A HAPPY AND HOLY CHRISTMAS



and for the New Year 2014

PEACE AND HAPPINESS

van Honthorst: Adoration of the Shepherds

How about a better name for Biggar?

Yes, folks, there really is a place called Biggar in the western Canadian province of Saskatchewan. Motto (in case the pic is too small): New York is big, but this is Biggar!

How (I hear you asking) did Biggar get its name? According to Agent 3, who lived in that neck of the woods for a while, there are two theories. The first is that it was named after a director the Canadian Pacific Railway. The top hat gang were travelling through western Canada on newly laid track and decreed that there should be a town every 15 miles or so. Having given no thought to names, they adopted the expedient of naming the proposed settlements after themselves.

The other theory is that the same directors stopped the train 15 miles after the last one, looked around, saw nothing, and said "B*gg*r this!" The company secretary supplied the missing vowels in the meeting minutes.

Whatever the truth of the matter may be, it must be said that "Biggar" is not much of a name. Walt thinks the town should be renamed, if not after a saint [they're all already taken by Québec. Ed.], then by a name out of history, or the name of someplace in "the old country".

But which old country? Walt is in the middle of Catastrophe: Europe Goes to War 1914, the weighty but interesting new work by Max Hastings (Collins 2013). In the chapter on the campaigns in Galicia -- the part of modern-day Poland and Ukraine around the Carpathian mountains -- there are some great place names. And there are loads of Ukrainian-Canadians in Saskatchewan. [And "Walt" is a common name amongst Ukrainians and people of that ilk, right? Ed.]

Yes... for all these reasons I am suggesting "Biggar" be changed to... wait for it... Przemysl! Or Перемишль -- aintcha impressed?!To make it easier to spell, we'll omit the accent mark from the Romanized version. [Wouldn't hurt to add a vowel or two as well. Ed.] To the citizens of Biggar... you're welcome!