10 Canadianisms that baffle Merkans and other non-English speakers

Back in September, we did a piece on Canadian English -- "Puck off, eh, hoser!" -- which a number of readers found both helpful and entertaining. In the spirit of enlightenment for which WWW is famous, we return to that theme. This is a service to those Floridians (and other Americans) about to be visited by Canucks, or folks from south of the border planning a trek into the Great Not-so-white North.

Walt is inspired and informed by "55 Canadianisms You May Not Know or Are Using Differently", an article written by Jules Sherred for the GeekMom website. Talking to Americans, Ms Sherred found them often "baffled" over what she calls her "Canadian English".

So she did a survey of 175 people from the USA, Canada, and other Commonwealth countries to find out how familiar they were with certain terms heard commonly in Canada, but not so commonly elsewhere. She came up with a list of 55 Canadianisms. Poor Len has contributed explanations and comments on ten of them. We begin with...

Yes, Michelle, it's a tuque, and a nice one too, bearing the logo of the most successful professional sports team of all time...anywhere! Americans might call this a wool hat, or a ski cap, or a knitted cap. People in Britain or Australia haven't a clue. For more on the tuque (or toque or touque) see "Hey hosers - what do you call that cap on your head?", from CBCNews.

You can bet that 1000s of people in Toronto are wearing tuques this week, even in the house. That's because they are without hydro. (And it's not Rob Ford's fault!) "Hydro" is short for hydro-electric power. In many Canadian provinces, hydro is the chief source of light and heat. And many providers of "electricity" (as it's called elsewhere) use the word "hydro" in their names: Manitoba Hydro, Newfoundland and Labrador Hydro, and BC Hydro. In Ontario, the main provider is called Hydro None.

Homo milk -- milk from transgendered cows marketed to members of the LGBT community. OK, just kidding. The term is actually short for "homogenized milk" -- milk with 3.25% butterfat. Calling homo milk "homogenized milk" isn't strictly accurate, since most of the milk sold in supermarkets and elsewhere is homogenized, regardless of its fat content.

Those who prefer beverages stronger than milk should learn about mickeys, two-fours and twenty-sixers. In the USA, a "mickey" might be a short form for "Mickey Finn", a drink laced with chloral hydrate or some other stupefying agent. [How old are you? That term was last used 90 years ago! Ed.] In Canada it refers to a 12-ounce bottle of liquor, sometimes curved to fit in one's back pocket -- a "hip flask".

A "two-four" is a case -- sometimes known as a "square" or a "flat" -- of 24 bottles (not cans) of beer. And we mean real Canadian beer, not the American stuff that's like a couple having sex in a canoe. A "twenty-sixer" is a 26-ounce bottle of liquor. The term is still used, even though the bottle actually contains only 24 ounces (or 750 ml), roughly the equivalent of an American "quart", which of course is what it's called in the US of A.

Hey... what do you call that thing along the edge of your roof, where the ice is building up on top of the leaves you didn't clean out in the fall? Americans and people living in Commonwealth countries generally refer to is as a "gutter". Canadians call it an "eavestrough", and Ms Sherred says the term is virtually unknown in any other country.

What do you put in your coffee or tea [Wozzat? Ed.] if you don't have (or are allergic to) milk or cream? Americans might use "creamer" or "non-dairy whitener", the same stuff Canadians call simply "whitener" -- any powder or liquid used to whiten coffee of tea [Wozzat? Ed.]

You could also stir it into your kid's pablum. Purists (and IP lawyers) would like that to be spelled with a capital P, as it is a trademarked name. But, I hear you ask, what is it? Pablum is a processed cereal for infants originally marketed by the Mead Johnson Company in 1931. It was developed by genuine hosers at Toronto's famous Hospital for Sick Children. Nowadays it's a Heinz product, in spite of which the word must be regarded as 100% Canadian!

Ms Sherred says the word really stumped non-Canucks, with suggested alternatives ranging from "infant cereal" and "Gerber" through "baby food" and -- in Commonwealth countries -- "rusk". [Wozzat? Ed.]

Finally -- and still on the subject of food -- we have "all-dressed", a phrase which can be applied to pizza, potato chips (not crisps!), hamburgers or hotdogs. Whatever you're having "all-dressed" comes with all the trimmings -- the works... everything... Ms Sherred says all-dressed chips are "as Canadian as poutine and maple syrup".

Footnote: Domino's and Boston Pizza, which sell takeout pizza on both sides of the World's Longest Lightly-defended Border, report that Americans, on average, ask for only one topping (other than tomato and cheese) on their pizzas. Canadians get three.

Another footnote: Mickey D's is now marketing poutine, but only in Canada. Walt finds this hard to understand, since a bowl of fries, cheese curd and gravy should be a terrific seller in the USA.

"'Fuck off!' is not a curse where I come from," Canuck tells Dubai court

The United Arab Emirates is a country [group of states, surely! Ed.] in which Islam is the dominant religion [the ONLY religion, surely! Ed.] Thus they have very strict laws against blasphemy, and even, it appears, against obscenity.

An unnamed Canadian man is on trial this week on a misdemeanor charge of having sworn at an Arab (Egyptian) local, a representative of Etisalat, a UAE-based telecoms giant. The service technician told a court in Dubai, "When I attended his complaint pertaining to one of our services and told him that there had been a delay, he got angry. Then he told me 'Fuck you' -- twice! -- and told me to shut my mouth!"

In his defence, attorney Uday al-Kazwini told the court his client admits using the phrase "fuck off" when speaking to the client services worker. However, he said, "My client is a Canadian citizen and 'fuck off' is not an insult in Canada ... but 'fuck you' is a curse and an insult. 'Fuck off' is commonly used when a person expresses themselves metaphorically and asks another person, who angered them, to walk away."

The defendant told the court he became frustrated with the worker's attitude when he visited the Etisalat counter at Mirdif City Centre to complain about not receiving his bills. The trial continues.

Walt wonders if the unnamed defendant is really a Canadian. Wouldn't a true son of the Great Not-so-white North have said, "Fuck off, eh, hoser!"?

Puck off, eh, hoser!

Still (more or less) on the subject of the glories of the English language... In anticipation of a trip north of the World's Longest Undefended Border, Ed. has been trying to increase his vocabulary of Canadian English. His text is Casselman's Canadian Words, by (not surprisingly) Bill Casselman (1995, Copp Clark Ltd., Toronto).

I dipped into it while Ed. was on his break, and, in the chapter on "Sports", learned a new word. The word is "puck-off", which Casselman says "is not a lisped obscenity. Puck-off was the original and now obsolete term for a face-off in hockey, that high-adrenalin moment when the referee drops the puck into play. The name had to be changed because of frequent alteration of the first letter."

I'll bet 99% of you hosers didn't know that! For Americans and other non-speakers of Canajan English, Casselman explains "A hoser is the all-Canadian, beer-swilling, tuque-headed yokel, as popularized by Bob & Doug Mckenzie, TV characters created by SCTV stars Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas." Now you know.

Recommended reading: Canajan, Eh! and Speaking Canadian English, both by the late Mark Orkin, a cunning linguist if ever there was one. Walt has autographed copies of both.